Page 58 of Mid-Thirties Slightly Hot Mess Female Seeking Billionaire

“What happens when you see Sarah tomorrow?” He asks softly. “You’ll just be able to pretend nothing happened?”

“She won’t be there tomorrow,” I say quickly, not wanting to think about Sarah any longer. “I’ve given her the next couple of days off to work on the jingle for Lord Chambers.” I lie and open my text messages to tell her about this new plan. “She’s concentrating on work, and so am I,” I growl as I press send on the message telling her to take the rest of the week off. “Now, let’s go get drunk and see what other honeys we can flirt with tonight so I can show you just how not interested I am in my nerdy employee.”

21

Sarah

Dear Diary,

There is no way that I am ever going to live this down. No way whatsoever. I need to leave earth.

STAT!

I don't care if aliens come from the sky and kidnap me and tell me I have to marry a hedgehog. I will do it. In a heartbeat. I won't protest or say no thanks. I will ask if the hedgehog would like some tea with honey or coffee and live out my life on Mars, Pluto, or whatever other planet the aliens came from. I'm sure you are wondering what happened. Don't worry I'm about to tell you.

Ashamed and Red in the face, Sarah

Have you ever lived your life in fantasyland? Dreaming and hoping that one thing will be true and ignoring reality. That's pretty much how I've spent the last few days. Ethan allowed me to take a couple of days off to concentrate on writing the jingle for the Royal Line of Lights, and I haven’t been happier.

I feel so light and excited. I've been in my element, thinking up lyrics and playing different instruments to see what sounds the best. Johnson seems to be enjoying me being at home so much, though I think it's because he's getting an extra walk each day. And an extra treat.

"Get your lights, sparkly lights, make your palace your home." I sing as I dance around the living room, shaking some maracas one of my brothers brought me back from his last trip to Puerto Rico. I don't love the tune or the lyrics, but I am having fun. I am happy to be able to use my creative mind for something that excites me more than boring ad copy for product placement. I try not to question whether I am excited because I am working with Ethan on this project or writing a song.

My body still tingles thinking about Ethan. I wonder if we will ever make love again. Not that I would ever bring it up to him. Not that I would want him to break his rules for me. Not that I even care. Part of me wants to tell him that I could sleep with him 100 times, and it wouldn't make me feel any differently about him. Though I'm not 100% sure if that's true, I think about him a lot. Randomly throughout the day. I think of the way he kissed me. I think of the way his fingers touched me. I think of the way we laughed and joked around and wonder if he also thinks about those moments. I also think about when I thought he’d said I love you. And the way my heart had raced with love for him. I don’t want to dwell on that too much, though. Because I don’t want to think I’m crazy. How can I be falling in love with Ethan Rosser?

I’m grateful when my phone rings, and I walk over to the coffee table and pick it up. Joy fills me when I hear Ella inviting me out. I need to get out of the house and out of my head. I need to ignore my growing feelings for my boss.

* * *

“So, what exactly is going on between the two of you?" Ella asks me, and I can tell from her face that she doesn’t know whether to be nervous or excited for me.

I can tell she’s super confused by what I’ve told her about my situation with Ethan, but that's not a surprise because I'm also quite confused. I don’t know how to explain the chemistry and magic I feel when I’m with him.

"Nothing's going on," I say, trying not to let my exasperation win out.

"What do you mean nothing's going on?" Ella prods.

"I mean, we hooked up once. Well, more than once, but it's done. We're not hooking up again. I haven't even heard from him."

"That's so weird," Isabel chimes in and takes a sip of her drink. She’s thoughtful for a few moments and then continues. "Why are guys so weird?"

"I wish I knew.” I shake my head and play with my hair. Even though I’m in my thirties, I still don’t really understand men. I don't want the sadness to fill me because I really enjoyed my time with Ethan, and even though I wish that circumstances were different and that he'd been blowing up my phone and asking me out, I didn't want that to dampen the moments we’d had together. I mean, it wasn't like we had anything special.

"I think he sounds like a real idiot," Ella says. "I mean, I know men just don't get it like we do, but..."

"But nothing," I say, sighing. "He has a five-time rule. Remember?"

"Five dates?" Ella asks with a frown. “Five times of what?”

"I guess it's a combination of five dates or five times hooking up or something." I shake my head. "I don't know. I don't really want to talk about it right now." I freeze as my phone starts ringing. All of us look at the screen. I can’t believe it when I see Ethan’s name on the screen. Do I have magical powers? I say his name, and then he calls.

"Oh my gosh, it's him," Isabel says, a giddy expression on her face as if she’d been waiting for the call herself.

I laugh slightly at how happy she sounds. I'm the one that should be feeling giddy, not her. But I suppose that’s why she’s such a good friend. She’s happy for me, and that makes her happy.

"What should I do?" I ask, just staring at my vibrating phone on the top of the table. I want to answer, but I don’t want him to know that I’m eager to speak to him.

"Answer it, of course," Ella says, pushing it towards me.

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