Page 56 of Mid-Thirties Slightly Hot Mess Female Seeking Billionaire

"But what?" His hand creeps up my back and tugs on my hair. "You didn't love it?"

"Okay. Maybe I loved it, but you loved it too."

"Fuck yeah." He growls. "I don't know if I should tell you this, but you give the best head I've ever received."

"Wow. What a compliment, Ethan. Maybe that's something I can put on my resume." I roll my eyes. He’s so unromantic.

He chuckles. "But you know what, you also could give me the best ride of my life too." He rubs my thigh. “Giddy up, cowgirl.”

"Ethan!" I gasp and giggle.

"What? I'm just saying I could help you out. You said you wanted more of a workout."

"Maybe later." I grin, and squeeze his hand. "Maybe before I go."

"Promise?" There’s a glint in his eyes as he kisses the side of my face and then looks at my lips. Why is this man so damn sexy?

"Maybe." I say, as I reach down and rub the front of his pants in a direct way. I love how hard he is already and I bite down on my lower lip to stop from dropping to my knees and taking him into my mouth immediately.

"You're such a fucking tease, Sarah." He pants and I can tell that I am driving him crazy. "And I absolutely love it.”

“What?” I whisper under my breath as my heart races. I stare at him for a few seconds and then rub my head as my brain processes what he’d just said. For a moment I think he’s said he loves me and I am about to say I think I love you too before my brain calls out my wishful thinking and poor hearing.

I really am losing it.

And even worse than that is the fact that I’m pretty confident that I am developing real feelings for this man.

How am I falling in love so quickly?

I really am a hot mess.

20

Ethan

Ever since I was little I knew my mom and dad didn’t have a healthy relationship. They were either super lovey dovey or angry. And most times, when they were angry, my father would buy my mother something and she would be happy again. Until the time came that he couldn’t buy her what she wanted anymore. And the anger grew and grew. And the tears were plentiful. I can keenly remember the dead feeling inside my stomach whenever I saw my mother crying. I can still feel the sadness in my soul as I sat there helplessly not knowing what to do.

As I grew older, I often wondered why my parents never divorced. It seemed to me that they would both be happier alone. However, I think the fact of the matter was that they were both codependent and couldn’t live without each other. I never want to be in a position where I feel like I can’t live my life to its fullest without someone else.

I stare at my empty couch for a few moments and then jump up and pace back and forth in my living room. I don’t know why my normally homey apartment feels so desolate. Sarah has only been gone for a couple of hours and yet, it feels like I haven’t seen her in days. I can’t quite seem to focus on anything. I need to get my mind off of how much she makes me laugh. For some reason being around her makes me remember the past. Maybe because she’s awoken a part of me that’s not just focused on work.

It had been fun having her here. She challenged me to think about more than work. And while a lot of those thoughts were about her body and what I’d like to do to her, a lot of them were about other things as well. She made me think big thoughts. Like what life would be like if I was in a serious relationship or if I had kids. I wonder for too many minutes what it would feel like to be committed to someone.

Would I feel like I was losing myself? Would I feel like I couldn’t survive without the other person? Was I that weak? I knew my father couldn’t live without my mom; even though he cheated on her all the time. She was his everything. The other women were just there to make him feel better about his sorry life. And mom pretended not to notice, though I knew it still ate her up inside. I didn’t want that emotional attachtment to another person. I didn’t want any woman making me feel like I couldn’t live without her; even when she treated me like shit. I don’t want to lose myself.

I grab my phone and call Jackson. I need to get out of my head. More importantly, I need to stop thinking about Sarah.

“What’s up, Mr. Loverman?” He answers the phone with a chuckle and I want to hang up, but I don’t.

“What are you up to?”

“Not eating Chinese food with my lover.”

“Wanna grab a drink?” I ignore his comment. I will not let him rile me up. I will not engage in this conversation.

“Now?” He asks and pauses as if this is a shocking question. As if I never drink. As if he doesn’t ask me to grab a drink almost every night of the week. “This is a work night, Ethan or did you forget that?”

“Don’t be a dick, Jackson.”

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