Page 24 of Skin Deep

Tatty picked up her wine glass, sipping from it like a princess. “If this goes ahead, then it will be your project, War. Are you certain you’re not too close to this?”

War jerked his chin toward River. “Nobody asked River if he was too close to take out Earl last fall.”

Xander snorted. “Because it would’ve been a waste of time. Everybody knew he was going to kill that sick fuck whether he got our blessing or not.”

“He deserved worse than what he got,” River snarled.

Annie tapped the table like a judge calling the room back to order. “This isn’t about River or anybody else. Warrick, this is a lot of responsibility. A lot of lives will be affected by what you choose to do. Young lives.”

Lettie and Charlie’s lives.My hand tightened on his thigh, and we looked at each other, a silent agreement passing between us. I nodded.

War took a deep breath and turned back to the table. “I can do this. Ineedto do this.”

Annie and Tatty exchanged a look, both nodding to each other. Then Tatty reached across the table to put her hand briefly on War’s wrist, offering a small smile. “Then it will be done.”

Theoandthegirlswere still watching their movie when we finished dinner. I offered to help Annie and Tatty with the dishes, but they waved me off. With nothing to do and so many people, the house felt stifling, so I stepped out onto the porch to lean against the porch railing.

The evening air was cool enough to be tolerable and the humidity that had been plaguing the Ohio valley had finally lifted. Birds chattered loudly in the trees dotting the property. Above, chemtrails carved scars against a perfect tangerine sunset.

I thought of Shauna King in her recovery room, waiting for her scars to heal. And I thought of Maya Cooper, Paxton’s wife, whom I’d never met but whose scars had gone so deep, they destroyed her spirit.

I rubbed a hand over my stomach and the scars hidden there. There were matching marks on my thighs, always hidden by clothing, always a dirty secret I couldn’t tell anyone about. I had to be the one to hold it together even when everyone else was falling apart. I was supposed to be the glue that held my brothers together. That was my one job. I had to do it.

But the voices in my head were getting louder with every passing hour, intruding on my reality. Smothering.

I ate too much. What if they forgot to clean the mushrooms? How many mushrooms? Fifty-one. Fifty-two. Fifty-three. Oh, no. What if I ate a multiple of five? Should’ve counted. Shouldn’t get distracted. Don’t listen. They forgot to clean the mushrooms. Does my stomach hurt? I’m hungry. I’m sick. I should eat more. I ate too much. How many calories was that? I should’ve measured it. Maybe I’m eating too little. What if they forgot to clean the mushrooms? What if they were poisoned?

What if.

What if.

What if?

Fuck, I couldn’t breathe.

Strong arms closing around me from behind, and the smell of Old Spice and shaving cream washed over me. It shouldn’t have been such an enticing scent, but it was, especially because I knew it meant Paxton was there. I fought the urge to sink back against the warmth of him as the thoughts faded. They didn’t disappear, not entirely, but they got quieter. A whisper instead of a scream.

I turned my head, and my cheek came to rest against his chest. The scent of cheap aftershave filling my nose was a lot more pleasant than it should have been. “What are you doing?”

“Holding you.”

“Why?”

He shrugged but didn’t remove his hands from where they’d come to rest, joined against the pit of my stomach. “You looked so sad and lonely standing there with the wind in your hair. Like looking at a sad painting.”

I turned my face forward again. “I’m not sad or lonely.” I put my hands over his, fully intending to pry myself free of his grip, but didn’t go through with it for some reason. “And I didn’t say you could touch me.”

“I’m not hearing a no either.”

I swallowed the tightness in my throat and unstuck my tongue from the roof of my mouth. As much as I wanted to protest, I didn’t want him to go away, because then the thoughts might come back, louder, more insistent. Leaning against him felt right, comfortable even. Like I was meant to be there. Dammit, why was it so easy for him to ruin everything? I couldn’t even brood miserably when he was around.

He leaned down to give a breathy chuckle in my ear that had goosebumps breaking out over my skin. “You know it’s okay if you like it.”

I shook my head, ignoring the feel of his chest against the back of my head. “Stop acting like you know me.”

Paxton snorted. “I can read you like an open book. You want to pretend you’re a fucking ice queen, but all that’s a shield. I bet you’re soft and squishy on the inside.”

“You don’t actually care about me. You don’t even know me.”Nobody does.

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