Page 84 of If You Fight

The anguish in his voice tore at my heart. Ryder was the one person I turned to for strength, and there he stood broken and devastated leaning on me.

Holding him to me, I whispered, “Whatever you did, we’ll get through this. Just tell me what happened.”

He leaned back away from me and frowned. “I’ve been fighting behind your father’s back. Floyd would get me fights, and I’d go to earn more money so we could leave. Tonight’s win would have gotten me enough to finally get you away from here.”

The words got caught in his throat, and he stopped for a moment before he said, “But something went wrong. I don’t know what happened, Serena. One minute it was like any other fight, and the next minute…”

Ryder backed up across the kitchen until he hit the wall. Shaking his head, he lifted his hands up in front of him and stared at them like he was sickened by them being a part of him.

I tried to take him into my arms, but he pushed me away like my touch hurt him. I reached out and gently put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me like he didn’t even know who I was.

“Honey, it’s me. It’s Serena. You don’t have to hide anything from me. It’s okay.”

He shook his head and winced in pain. “It’s not okay. It’s not okay.”

“Whatever happened, we’ll be okay. We will,” I said as his face twisted in agony.

“Like when I killed Oliver or his brother or any of the other people your father had me take care of?”

“What are you talking about? Tell me.”

He pushed past me, mumbling, “I can’t do this with you right now. I can’t.”

I’d never seen Ryder like this. His rage frightened me, but I couldn’t stand by and let him torture himself over whatever had happened. I followed him into the bedroom and watched him sit down on the edge of the bed and hold his head in his hands. He looked broken.

Standing beside him, I quietly said, “Please don’t shut me out. I know you’re a good person. You’ve protected me from the moment we met. Whatever you did, I still love you. We’ll be okay. I promise, Ryder.”

He didn’t look up at me, so I took his hand and placed it on my belly. “You were fighting for us. If my father found out and that’s why he won’t fight you anymore, that’s okay. He didn’t look that angry, to be honest. I think we’ll be okay.”

For a long moment, he stayed hunched over holding his head in his hands, but then he looked up and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his cheek to my belly. “I’m sorry, Serena. I just wanted to be able to take you away from here before our baby was born, and now I’ve ruined everything.”

I gently stroked his soft hair as I closed my eyes and came to terms with the reality that whatever he’d done meant we wouldn’t get to leave this place before the baby came. Tears of disappointment welled in my eyes at how cruel fate could be. We’d been so close, and now that chance had been taken away from us again.

He looked up at me with such sadness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice. I fucked up. I fucked everything up. I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“I don’t know what happened, but you’ll never lose me, Ryder. Just tell me, what did he make you promise to do?” I asked, dreading what his answer would be.

I knew my father. He’d get his pound of flesh for whatever he’d caught Ryder at tonight.

“I have to work for him. That’s it.”

Neither of us believed that, but it didn’t matter. Fate had given my father what he wanted, and he took it.

“We’re not getting out of here, are we?” I asked, looking away because I couldn’t face him when he said the words that would mean everything we’d dreamed of was gone.

“Not now,” he said quietly, his voice sadder than I could bear.

I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, and they rolled down my cheeks as everything began to overwhelm me. All our plans over.

“Can you forgive me?” he asked in that same tortured voice that made me feel like he had his hand around my heart and was squeezing it.

I sat down on the bed next to him and kissed him, my lips wet from tears. He slid his thumbs over my cheeks to dry them and again asked, “Can you forgive me, Serena?”

The answer to that question was the simplest thing in the world. Ryder had shown me love I’d never known before. Forgiving him came as naturally as breathing.

“There’s no need. I don’t need to know what you did that you think you should ask for forgiveness. Whatever it was, I know you wanted to protect me and the baby. How could I blame you for that?”

He pressed his forehead to mine and whispered, “I’m not giving up, Serena. I’m going to find a way so we can escape this world of your father’s. I promise.”

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