Page 83 of If You Fight

“Okay. Did something happen? Did he lose?” I asked before turning to look at Ryder. He didn’t look like he’d been beaten.

“No. He’ll tell you later, I’m sure. I just wanted you to know that his time as a fighter has ended. He won’t be returning to that again.”

His words sounded so final, but I couldn’t see any evidence on Ryder why he wouldn’t fight again. No bruises, no broken bones. Nothing that would mean he couldn’t fight anymore.

I turned my attention back to my father. “What’s going on here? You were the one who wanted him to fight again, and I see nothing to explain why suddenly he can’t now. What happened?”

My father merely arched one eyebrow and shot Ryder a nasty glance, so I swiveled in my chair and asked him the same question. “What’s going on? Did you get hurt?”

Ryder just shook his head but didn’t say a thing. Back and forth, I looked at him and then my father for some answer as to what was going on, but neither of them said a word.

Finally, I stopped and stared at Ryder. “Say something! What’s happened?”

He hung his head and quietly mumbled, “I…there was a fight and I…”

Whatever it was, he couldn’t get the words out, no matter how hard he tried. His face twisted into a look of agony, as if even trying to say what happened hurt him. He squeezed my hand tightly but couldn’t even face me. What had he done?

“Ryder, what happened? Are you hurt?”

He shook his head sadly but still refused to look up at me. “No. I’m fine.”

The way he said those words told me he wasn’t fine at all, but sitting there in front of my father wasn’t where we needed to have this discussion. For now, I held his hand as he clung to mine and hoped he knew whatever had happened, I was there for him.

“I hear congratulations are in order, Serena,” my father said, tearing me out of my sadness for Ryder.

Unsure what he referred to, I turned my head to look at him. “For what?”

His gaze drifted down my body and stopped just above my waist. “We’re going to have a baby in the house, I hear.”

Shock washed over me. He knew I was pregnant. But how? Who told him?

My father smiled and looked over at Ryder to answer the question that must have been written all over my face. Why would Ryder ever tell him about the baby? We agreed to keep the pregnancy a secret, especially from my father, so why would he tell him? What had suddenly changed so much that he was back to working for him as one of his men and he felt he should share our secret with the one person I wanted not to know?

Did he know about our plan to leave too?

Then suddenly, fear tore through me. Had Ryder told him about me finding my mother? Had he betrayed everything we were for some unknown reason to work for my father again?

“Well, I think we’ve had enough excitement for one day, so you two go. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

My mouth hung open in shock, and I watched Ryder stand to leave, still holding my hand. I stood and followed him out, unsure what to say. I had no idea what had gone on between them, but now everything felt different.

He didn’t say a word all the way back to the apartment. All he did was walk and hold my hand tightly, like he feared if he let go I’d run away and he’d never find me again.

But I didn’t want leave him. I wanted answers to why all we’d planned suddenly seemed to have changed in a matter of hours. He’d left to train with Floyd, and he’d come back a different person, and I wanted to know why.

I closed the door behind us, and as he walked toward the kitchen, I asked, “Now that we’re alone, would you mind explaining to me why my father knows the one thing we didn’t want him to know, Ryder?”

He didn’t answer me, so I followed him and found him finishing off a glass of whisky and pouring himself a second one. Whatever happened, he looked shaken by it, and my heart went out to him.

Touching him on the sleeve, I said, “Tell me what’s wrong. Please. Don’t keep it all inside, whatever it is.”

Ryder tilted the glass back and swallowed the last of the whisky in it before he poured another glass of it. Placing the bottle on the counter, he sighed and turned his head to look at me, his eyes full of that same sadness they’d had back in my father’s office.

He reached for the glass and his hand shook so violently he had to put it back down. I slid my fingers through his and squeezed them, but he continued to shake uncontrollably.

“Ryder, what’s going on? What happened? Why does my father know about the baby?”

Opening his mouth, he tried to say something, but nothing came out. He hung his head and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “I fucked everything up, Serena. I didn’t have a choice. If I didn’t do it, you and the baby would have been left alone, and I couldn’t let that happen. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

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