Page 77 of Almost Priest

“You’re wrong, Samantha,” he snapped. “You should have contacted him the minute you found out. Contacted us. Something! You’ve gone all this time, keeping it from us, lying—”

“You have no idea what I’ve had to endure, Braydon.” The start of tears choked her. “He chose the church! Not me, but a life of poverty, service, and celibacy in spite of what we shared! He practically promised himself to God from the cradle. He told me all along nothing would change his path and I understood that.”

Tears slipped past her lashes and down her cheeks.

“My baby changes nothing. If it did, he would only resent me for putting him in this situation. He wouldblameme.”

“You’re wrong,” he said so certainly. “Colin would never blame you for something he took equal part in. You need to come home with me. You have to tell them.”

“No,” she resolved. “Tell them if you must, but I’ll never return to your home again, Braydon.”

“He’s in Center County, Sam.”

And that was why she would never return. The image of him in flowing robes and white collars made her chest ache so painfully she gasped and choked on a sob.

“It’s too late. He made his vows to the Catholic Church, not me. Nothing can ever remove that promise. Colin’s word to God would be something unbreakable, not by circumstances, temptation, or even love.”

“No, Sam, there’s so much you don’t understand.”

“And I have no interest in comprehending, Braydon. Please try to understand. I have not told a single soul who the father is. I wouldn’t do that to Colin. You are the first person I’ve admitted it to. Colin finding out would be such a burden—”

“Or a blessing,” he interrupted.

“No, Braydon, it would be a burden. It would ruin everything. Please, please try to understand that this is not how I wanted things to work out, but it’s the best solution I have if I want to protect Colin.”

He was quiet for a long while. As he looked past her shoulder as if seeing a vision only meant for him, he said, “The day of his Ordination you should have been there. I know he wanted you there, but knew it would be too hard for you.”

“Braydon, please don’t do this to me,” she begged but he ignored her.

“He looked so right in his robes up on that pulpit beside the bishop. It was how we always imagined him. First the other priests testified that he was worthy of the priesthood. Then the bishop began to question him. Colin promised before us all to always give his service to the Holy Spirit. He vowed to preach the Gospel and teach the Catholic faith.”

Her heart felt like it was being crushed. Like her chest was caving in. She silently sobbed as Braydon continued.

“He vowed to always hold faith in the mysteries of the church, to honor and believe in the sacraments. But when the bishop asked if he vowed to always love God above all others he promised nothing.”

Sam hung her head, guilt riding her hard, and wiped her eyes with the heel of her palm.

“We waited and eventually he did speak, but he made no such promise. Before my entire family, the priesthood, his mentor Father Tucker, and the Bishop, Colin declared himself unworthy. He asked for more time. Said he had unresolved matters that were plaguing his heart and making it impossible to surrender himself completely to the Lord.”

Pieces of his words finally penetrated the pain.

“What?” Dear God, she had caused him this confusion. Guilt, harder than she had ever felt before, lanced through her.

“Everyone was shocked, but Kelly and I, we understood what his dilemma was. It was you, Sam.”

“I’m sorry,” she said pathetically, her tears falling unchecked. “I never wanted to cause him trouble. That’s why I can never tell him. This will only complicate matters further for him. He’s meant to be a priest. I can’t interfere in that any more than I already have.”

“He’s meant to serve God, which he is. He’s working for the parish teaching theology at the grade school, but Sam, he’s completely miserable. He may have given his word to serve the church, but he had promised such loyalty since he was a teenager. To swear it before others was nothing new. But he could not promise to bond himself solely to God when he gave you his heart first. Don’t you see? He’s lost everything when he had it all. He’s lost his way. He lost his church. He lost you. And now you want to keep his child from him too.”

“What if he still wants to go back? What if he’s only taking some time to reflect?”

Braydon shook his head. “How’s he supposed to make any decision without having all the facts?”

What if he rejected her again? Sam didn’t think, between the pregnancy and the stress of becoming a new mom in the next week or so, she could handle the heartache of Colin’s rejection again.

“Look,” Braydon said, standing from the desk he’d occupied. “I was planning on driving home tonight. Why don’t I wait until tomorrow morning? If you change your mind meet me here at the school at seven o’clock.”

“And if I don’t? Will you tell them?”

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