Page 72 of Almost Priest

“It’s not important.”

“It is to me. You told me it was nothing personal, that you didn’t want anyone, so pardon me if I find it imperative to know who was able to persuade you otherwise when I, who was willing to be anything you needed or wanted me to be, could not."

He brushed his knuckles over her cheek and she hated herself for being so weak and having such little self-respect that she allowed the contact.

“Don’t do this, Sheilagh. When I told you it wasn’t anything personal I meant it. You're sweet and one of my friends, but no matter how much you think you can be what I need, you can’t.”

Pain, as though a hundred heated blades sliced her wide open, caused her to almost double over at the blow of his words. Her eyes blinked rapidly forcing back the tears that threatened to come.

“I…I don’t understand.”

He looked down. “Look, I can’t explain right now—”

“Oh my God. You’re not alone. She’s here now, isn’t she?”

She was going to be sick. Sheilagh practically stumbled away from him and off the porch. He stepped forward into the rain as if to comfort her, but she was so betrayed in that moment she couldn’t bear his touch. And just as she thought her heart had plummeted to the lowest of lows she discovered a whole new level of agony.

Tristan tensed as a familiar voice called out. “Babe? Where’d you go? I thought you were going to join me in the shower.”

No. This has to be a bad dream.

She shook her head and Tristan said, “Sheilagh, it isn’t what you think.”

“Luke?” How could this be? Tristan liked women. He flirted with women. He wasn’t gay and neither was her brother. “You and Luke?”

“You’re misinterpreting the whole thing, Shei—”

But his false words fell on deaf ears as her brother opened the door, looking for his lover and wearing nothing but a towel. Once he saw her he paled. “Sheilagh.”

“Luke.” Her lips went numb and she had to force her words to form correctly.

His mouth opened and closed as he thought of something to say. “I…I was doing some renovations at the guest house and I needed to shower so I stopped here to get cleaned up.”

She was about to tell him how ridiculous his bullshit lie was, but Tristan spoke first.

“Don’t bother, Luke. She heard you.”

Luke stiffened as if Tristan were insinuating something he would never consider when it was, in fact, his reality. She wondered if Tristan enjoyed knowing her asshole brother thought he was too good to admit he was fucking a man like him. Did it hurt him to be denied and hidden like a shameful secret? Sheilagh would’ve never been ashamed of him. She would’ve been proud to love him, but now she understood why she never would.

There were no words. She saw the hurt in Tristan’s eyes at Luke’s unspoken denial. She instinctively wanted to comfort him and punch her brother, but Tristan had hurt her too. Everything was suddenly different and Sheilagh didn’t want to be there anymore. Turning on her heel, she ran through the rain and back to her truck as her tears won and she began to cry.

She didn’t know what had truly upset her. It wasn’t the fact that she’d just discovered her brother or Tristan were gay. She held no prejudice about peoples’ sexual orientation whatsoever. All she knew was that the man she had set her heart on for almost an entire year had suddenly become completely and undeniably off limits to her forever.

As unfair as it was, Sheilagh knew she would have instantly despised any woman with Tristan, but he hadn’t been with another woman. He’d been with her brother. She wondered if the others knew about Luke. Had they all pitied her for being so naive?

Her heart ached. Her eyes burned. And her pride stung. She wanted to kick herself for not being more intuitive. She had been so certain she knew him when really she knew nothing about him. Never in her life had she felt like such a fool.

When Sheilagh wokeup the following morning she felt slightly better, but the moment her mind returned to the idea of her brother lovingly caressing and kissing Tristan, the crushing ache filled her heart again. Luckily the day was going to be a busy one that would leave little down time to think on how pathetic she was.

Colin was making his holy orders. His Ordination was to take place at two o’clock at Saint Peter’s. The week before they had all gone to the new restaurant in town to toast his journey and while he had begun his path into priesthood when she was just a girl in pigtails, it was today that his course would truly begin.

Everyone had long ago come to terms with the fact that the eldest McCullough son would never marry. There were no more regrets among the naysayers of the family. Everyone had accepted Colin’s choice and, over time, developed respect for his devotion. Today would be a proud day for not just Colin, but the entire McCullough family.

They were out the door and on the road before many people had even awakened for the day. The plan was to make it to Philadelphia by noon so they had time to eat lunch and arrive at Saint Peter’s early enough to find seats for their large group close to the altar. When everyone split up into the four cars making the trip, Sheilagh was careful to avoid the car holding Luke.

The city was insane. All her life she’d grown up surrounded by enormous mountains, yet being placed in the slots between so many tall skyscrapers made her feel incredibly insignificant and small. Everyone was so fashionably dressed and styled. Even the men made her feel like an unsophisticated hick.

People moved at warp speeds and smog and honking horns polluted the air while everything from forgotten shoes to empty coffee cups littered the ground. Pages of newspapers twirled up from the curbs dancing gaily in the air for a moment in homeless winds then fluttered back to earth. No one seemed to bat an eye at such disorder.

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