Page 88 of The Refusal

He grins a gap-toothed smile at me, nodding. He used to be a boxer, and I’ve offered to pay for a new set of teeth, but he’s happy with the ones he’s lost, says it makes him more threatening—apparently a good thing in his line of work.

A yellow cab pulls up outside, and my heart starts beating double-time as I try to pull something approaching a normal smile onto my face. It feels like months, not weeks, since I’ve seen her. In seconds, Jo is barreling through the doors and her clothes are twisted on her body like she threw them on damp skin, and she’s so beautiful that a drumbeat starts in my body that I can’t tamp down.

I almost want to laugh at how out of control her hair is—curling and frothing over her shoulders like a wave—and it sends me right back to the morning after our first night together. My gaze drops to her face and her smile is bare and warm, and as I step forward, she flings her arms around me in a tight hug. Fuck it all, before I can overthink it, I put my mouth on hers and my pulse soars; her small lips opening, all swollen and soft, tongue sneaking out to tangle with mine.Oh, God. I lift her up and spin her around, but my cock is way too keen on what we’re doing, so I set her back down and pull back, breathless. Where do we stand? I have no idea, and I’ve probably taken it too far already.

“It’s so good to see you,” she says, eyes dropping away, and the pink I like so much creeps into her cheeks. “I’m sorry I was away.”

My mouth is dry, and I wave my hand, words crowding behind the lump in my throat, not wanting to ruin any progress we might be making. “No problem, Jo. I’m glad you’re here now.”

I grab her hand, pushing us forward into this, whatever it is. “Come on, let’s go see the guys.”

* * *

I examine Jo surreptitiously in the elevator. Beneath the bounce I sense exhaustion. And I remember this so well: the elation and then the panic that set in when my business started to take off. Without warning I went from messing around with code to dealing with huge companies with huge issues.

As if aware of my scrutiny, she suddenly says again, “I’m so sorry this happened while I was away.”

But she doesn’t need to apologize; her team has been excellent. I shake my head at her and smile. “Korea, huh?”

“Oh my God, Janus,Samsungcalled. They saw your article.”

My stomach flips at this detail. I’d convinced myself she hadn’t read it. I tap my hand on my jeans; this is far too important a conversation for a short elevator ride.

“Thank you for being so complimentary about me, about my company,” she says.

Is that all she thinks it was? I don’t believe it.

“Janus, was that article meant to …?”

She won’t meet my eyes as she tails off, but the door unexpectedly pings as we reach the main floor. Was it meant to what? I stare at her as the doors slide open, inwardly groaning. We have no time to sort this.

“Let’s talk about it later,” she says.

But I don’t want to talk about it later. I rub the back of my neck as heat climbs up my body. I laid myself out in public, and she didn’t respond. Now it sounds like she’s taking it as nothing personal. That’s any guy’s worst nightmare. But as I step out of the elevator all I can hear are raised voices echoing across the space, and Jo’s wide eyes find mine as we both swing toward the noise and start hurrying down between the desks to where James is bent forward over Fabian’s screen.

“I think Fab’s losing the plot,” I mutter.

“What? Why?” I can hear the shock in her voice.

“No, no,no no no.” Fabian’s voice rises above the general murmur as James straightens, running his hands through his hair.

“He’s blaming himself.” I shake my head. “He does this, Jo. He’s responding emotionally, and I don’t know how to sort him out. I think he’s hindering at this point, not helping. James has been amazing by the way—calm, efficient.” The words jerk out quietly as we reach the cluster of people.

Fabian is sitting head in his hands, James behind him, lips pressed together as he stares at the screen on the desk in front of them.

“What’s happening?” I’m surprised at how level my voice sounds.

“They’re in the backup system. We can’t keep everything running without it.” Matt’s voice is flat, his mouth pinched and white around the edges.

Jo gasps a horrified “No!” from behind me as “Oh shit!” tumbles out of my mouth. What an inadequate response. Icy fingers crawl up my spine.

James shifts out of the way, flinching, as Fabian jumps from his chair and kicks it with force, sending it flying back across the floor. He tips his head back to the ceiling, shouting, “Fuuuuucccck!”

“Dammit, Janus, I didn’t work fast enough on this. We should have locked you down faster,” Jo mumbles.

Our customers. Fuck.

“Have we got anything we can bargain with?” James says, hand flapping, and for the first time his steely calm appears rattled. “Who are these people? You know them, Fab. Is there anything we might be able to use on them?”

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