Page 76 of The Refusal

“They’re the dangerous ones. Don’t get tied up in that.”

“Uh-huh, not much chance of that. I’ve probably fucked it up already.”

His throaty chuckle on the other end pours oil on my skittering thoughts.

“What did you do?”

“Oh, some stuff in the paper she took the wrong way.”

“Man, the way the press is interested in your life, how do you stand it?”

“Comes with the territory I think.”

“Does it though? Why?”

“Well, they got interested as the company grew. There wasn’t much I could do to stop them taking photos and commenting.”

“You could try not accepting invites to the fancy events you like to go to.”

This is very much an outsider’s perspective. New York doesn’t work that way, but his questioning makes me pause. You can easily be sucked into the crazy here.

“In some ways you’re right. I don’tneedto go out and be photographed, but on the other hand, the events I’ve been to have been amazing and I’ve met some incredible people: smart, motivated, doing completely different things from me. I don’t want to say no, despite the press interest.”

He’s quiet for a few seconds. “Yeah, I get that.”

“And also, I don’t want to live my life looking over my shoulder. Buried away in a hole. You can easily get paranoid and jumpy, and you have to get on with your life.”

If there’s one thing being in the public eye has taught me, it’s this: You can’t second-guess other people’s reactions. I swirl the whiskey in my glass, stare at the open sky above the rooftops of Manhattan just beyond the plants on my roof terrace. Then the penny drops: The reason I’m resisting what Jo wants to do is that, to me, it’s clearly the wrong path. Hiding, denying, it’s a mistake. We need to confirm this relationship not disown it. And just like that, I know exactly what to do to sort this whole problem out.

41

Jo

The pit that’s opened up in my stomach since the story appeared yesterday morning is widening. Janus texted me late last night wanting to see me before the meeting, but I ignored it. I can’t add more of his charm to the chaos of my thoughts. The conference room at Janus Industries is exactly as I remember it and, as Maddie bustles around sorting out drinks, a reel of images flickers through my mind: the way he leaned over me in that first meeting, the heat at my back, the muscles tightening in his forearms, how I have seen those arms over me and beside my head, have turned my head and licked them. We didn’t resolve anything yesterday, and despite the tossing and turning in bed last night, I haven’t pinned down what I feel about how he’s responding to this: Is he making me the bad guy here? If I could transport myself back to the simplicity of Hong Kong right now, I would.

The door swings open in typical Janus-entering-a-room fashion and I can’t stop my smirk. But as he enters, I’m shocked to see him in a suit. He looks sharp, lean, completely amazing. He catches my eye and gives me a small lip twitch as I try to focus on the woman following him in. And she’s got PR stamped all over her: blonde hair piled on her head, a gray two-piece which is a bit too tight for her curvy frame, and a big, welcoming beam. Something in me eases at her friendly vibe. What must it be like spending your time fielding stories and photographs of Janus with beautiful women? And just like that my smile dies as something curdles in my stomach.

“Hey, you must be, Jo,” she says, coming forward with an outstretched hand as I rise out of my seat at the table. “Great to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from this guy”—she jerks her thumb toward Janus—“bane of my life that he is.” Her smile twitches wider.

Janus shakes his head at her. “You love explaining my dates to the media,” he says, and she gives a rough laugh full of late-night gossiping and too many cigarettes.

Her laugh is suggestive and dismissive all at once, like every single woman is something to be handled, explained away. Adrenaline dumps into my veins. Will I be similarly swept under the carpet? After I’ve lost every shred of credibility I ever had? Does anyone ever think about how this affects the women involved? A rod goes up my spine: My dad didn’t fight all those battles for me to throw it all away the first time some gossipy story appears. I’m not going to be lumped in with all these models Janus dates for two months and discards. I know he’s explained to me that that’s just how the press portray it, but all rumors have a grain of truth in them and, given what’s happened with the photo of us, and his response to it, I’m not sure what I believe anymore. Maybe all his relationships have ended when some woman gets slaughtered in the press. Maybe he didn’t defend them either. My blood starts to simmer.

Janus and Julie sink into the seats opposite us, and Carly smiles as she rises up, hand extended, and introduces herself. She sinks back down, pulling a sheaf of papers from her bag, tapping them together on the polished wood.

“I’d like to chat to Jo first for five minutes in private,” Janus says, and all eyes swing to him. His are fixed on me.

I stare back at him. Am I going to let myself be persuaded by him playing it all down like he did yesterday? My chest aches for our time in Hong Kong: his half smile as he leaned over the bed and kissed me. I want to give himeverything, but the monkey on my shoulder chatters on about how quickly people can turn on you and disappear, that I’d be trampling over everything I’ve worked so hard for if I ignore this. I slam the door on my heart and shake my head, and his eyes narrow. We’re still staring at each other when Carly coughs, and I drop my eyes to the table, gesturing at her to continue.

“After Jo called me yesterday, I took the liberty of drafting a press release. Perhaps we could use this as a starting point for what we want to say and how we want to handle it?” She smiles placatingly at Janus, but his eyes are shuttered, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he stares somewhere over her head. She slides a single sheet in front of all four of us and I start to read.

Janus Industries and Williams Security note the recent speculation in the press. Both parties would like to confirm that Williams Security has been awarded a contract to enhance Janus Industries’ security arrangements, supporting the company’s aim of providing a world-beating service to its clients. A team of ten [?] people are being employed from each company to achieve this goal, and Jo Williams and Janus Phillips recently traveled to Hong Kong for four days to work with the office there on security. Any speculation these arrangements are anything more than an outstanding business team working together is unfounded.

Julie’s eyes flicker toward Janus as his gaze scans the paper, getting stonier and stonier. I can almost see the storm brewing. Then Carly speaks from my right.

“We can say more than this, of course. When Jo and I spoke yesterday she said you guys were good friends, and I wanted to make sure we kept the right tone—”

Janus interrupts, eyes tight and fixed on me.

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