Page 59 of The Refusal

“Jo, that’s not going to happen. You’re only going to get good things out of being with me.”

It sounds weak even to me; like someone saying “believe me” when they’re the last person you should trust.

She laughs. “Like an orgasm sometime soon you mean?”

I straighten by her side. She’s keeping this light. My instinct is to push, but maybe that’s the wrong response here; I can see her doubts bubbling away under the surface. If we’re going to do this, I have to make sure nothing blows back on her. I slide my hand back down and inside her, and she gasps as I lean in to capture her breath.

“More fingers,” she wheezes, hips lifting.

I need better access, so I help her push the lace down as she flicks her feet. I inspect her tiny body, but before I’ve had my fill, her head comes up to mine, capturing my bottom lip in her teeth, whispering, “More,” against my lips, and my chest aches with the need to give, give, give. I run my tongue along her lower lip, watching her eyelids droop as I move my hand. She might be worried, but she’s desperate for every pleasure I can give her. Fuck anything else; I never want this to end. I am fully hard again, and I don’t know how.

Gradually pulling my finger out, I add another, and she widens her legs, head tipping back as I use my thumb to brush lightly over her clit. Her neck is damp with sweat as I trail kisses up to her ear, biting her lobe gently. “How many orgasms are you going to let me give you tonight? How many times can I watch you fall apart; watch myself doing this to you over and over and over again?”

The slim length of her is stretched right out, my erect cock by her hip. I rub it experimentally against her. She snakes her hand down to touch me and I maneuver away.

“Uh-huh.” I shake my head as my eyes meet the confusion in hers. “This is about you. I want to watch.”

She pouts through a half smile, and I curl over to capture her mouth.

“As long as I get to play later,” she mumbles against my lips.

I can feel the accumulated frustration of the last couple of months disappearing like air whistling out of a pressure valve.

I laugh. “Oh, you can count on that.”

“As many times as I like?”

Fuck but I love how her inclination is to give as good as she gets.

“I’m not sure how many rounds you’ll get out of him, but you can do anything you like to me.”

35

Jo

My eyes blink open onto a dark ceiling in a dimly lit room, and I frown into the heavy silence. No vague honk of New York traffic, no distant conversations through walls. I blink a few more times and stretch, and my outstretched hand makes contact with cool skin.Janus.

Twisting my head to look at him, I can’t help the grin that breaks free. He’s stretched out on his side next to me, mouth open, dark hair sticking up in some huge tuft on his head, a crease down his right cheek. Just above the sheet around his waist I can see his abs disappearing under the bedclothes. I shift fully onto my side to stare at his slack-with-sleep face in the half-light: Imagine waking up to this every morning.

I’ve never had someone in my bed like Janus, and my chest tightens with the idea that I passed out so quickly I didn’t savor the first night we spent together. Thefirstnight? Who knows how long I might get this for? Swallowing it all down, I glance at the clock on the bedside table: 10 a.m. I’m sure Janus didn’t arrange anything at the office until this afternoon.

His hand is resting on the mattress inches from my head, so I kiss his outstretched fingers.He’s naked. A little thrill goes through me. I can’t resist touching his smooth chest just lightly enough that I don’t wake him, but he twitches on a sigh. I should let him sleep: He doesn’t get much chance to rest. But then he rolls onto his back and the movement tightens the sheet and, looking down, I can see the outline of where he’s hard beneath the covers. My God. I want to touch. Leaning forward, I skate my tongue over his soft nipple, and it instantly goes hard in my mouth. I can feel the moment he jerks awake.Bad girl, Jo.

“Jo,” he croaks, voice full of sleep, and I want to lock his dopey gaze somewhere deep inside me. I can see the moment he remembers last night, because his eyes widen as his tongue wets his lips, and he scrutinizes every part of my face. Then his mouth turns up at one corner, gaze dropping to my lips, and my whole body warms.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I say.

But he just grins and shifts his naked body until he’s right against me, eyes never leaving mine, and my blood runs thick. He’s too much this close up.

His grin gets impossibly wider as he presses his erection into me. “Impressive,” I mumble, half-laughing.

He closes his eyes and runs a hand over his face, smiling. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m also kind of not. It’s a morning hazard—”

I stretch up and kiss his lips, and he rolls me onto my back and into the soft sheets, growling. His hips fall through mine, and I widen my legs and wrap them around his, holding on to him and urging him on all at once. If he thrusts forward, he could be inside me in seconds. But he props himself up on his elbows as he inspects my hair and my face. Ugh. Is my hair as wild as his?

“You okay?” he says.

I am. My God I am. I take his head in my hands, stretching up to place another soft kiss on his lips.

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