Page 96 of The Refusal

“You’re sofuckingtight. Fuckingmine.”

Caveman.Laughter bubbles up but I can hear the tremor in his words. With anyone other than Janus, I’d think the guy was an asshole, but here I’m beyond myself, amazed at this rough sex, that Ilikeit. The fast thudding of my heart almost too much for my small ribcage. I rub my head along his unshaven cheek, and his lips turn into my skin, letting out a long shuddering groan, as he brings our clasped hands up to my stomach, pressing me into him.

The pressure of his thighs on the inside of my legs shifts me further open, and I try to sink down into his hand and his cock, but I’m pinned in position, the muscles in his arms straining to keep me where he wants me. I’m so slick; my juices all over him and me. I lift my other arm, sliding it into his damp hair. The heel of his hand is pressing into my pubic bone, holding me still for him as he pounds into me. His finger exploring me gets more insistent and my orgasm hovers closer, but, God, riding this edge, I want it to go on and on.

“Dammit Jo,get there,” he grits out.

I start to clamp down on his length, sensation rippling through my inner muscles.

“Fuck,” he groans, “do that again.” But I’ve got no control, no power here, and I rest my head back on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck and tasting the wet of his sweat on my lips. He turns his head for a clumsy kiss. “You feelfucking amazing,” he mutters.

He rubs me harder, and my mouth opens on a gasp against his skin as tightness rushes up and my limbs go rigid. His hips falter as I tip over the edge with a long shuddering wheeze.

“Oh my God, my God” comes fluttering out as Janus grunts loudly, and with a “fuck yeah,” he starts to jerk inside me, collapsing us forward against the back of the couch.

51

Janus

Iwake slowly to find a tumble of red hair in my face, and for several seconds I’m back in Hong Kong. Then I remember the hack and Jo—and I groan out loud with the relief of it; it’s too long since I shared a bed with this woman. Most of our mornings started this way and it wasbliss.I breathe in the smell of her shampoo and bury my head farther in her hair to take in more of it. A part of me hopes she uses it forever. Fuck. I’m already wondering how soon I can tie her down to something more permanent, tomoving in. I don’t think I’ve ever done slow in my life, and I’ve been sure about Jo ever since I leaned over her in that meeting room and watched her draw detailed diagrams with colored pens, inhaling citrus and something indefinably Jo. My eyes drift over the covers flung all over the floor after round two and,fuck, the insanely hot sex on the sofa. The light is dim at the sides of the curtains, and the clock projecting the time on the ceiling says 5.30 a.m.: too early to get up yet. I close my eyes and curl into her, letting the feel of her small body seep into my skin.

My eyes blink open as someone feathers kisses down my chest and some bone-deep satisfaction settles over me.

“Will you wake me up every morning for the rest of our lives like this?” I ask, and her head jerks up, eyes wide and scared but,fuck me, the widest smile.

“Only if you keep this body as toned and gorgeous as it is now.” She winks at me, before nibbling across my stomach and kissing the tip of my erection. The ache in my balls tells me without looking how hard I am but I want to watch, so I tilt my head up as she closes her mouth over me. The view of her doing this and the hot, wet heat makes the breath rush from my body, hips rising up off the bed.

“Jo,”I croak, head rolling back on my shoulders, trying to hold on. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve dodged that question.”

She stops, studying me, something working behind her eyes, andthenshe says, “The answer’s yes.”

I sit bolt upright and blink at her for a couple of beats. Hands shaking, I stretch forward to cup my hands around her chin.

“What?”Does she mean what I think she means? “Did you—are you—”

“I’m saying yes, in answer to your question.” Her voice is an oasis of calm.

I grab hold of her arms, and she shrieks as I pull her upward, rolling her onto her back, chest to chest, settling my hips between her legs. Body rigid on top of hers, I stare down at her. Have I done the crappiest proposal in the history of proposals, or has she just said yes to the waking up for the rest of our lives? And isn’t it kind of the same thing?

I stroke the hair out of her face.The copper waves and the creamy skin. Her lips quirk as she takes in whatever she can see in my face, probably pillow creases and crazy hair. But as I gaze at her the smile disappears and her eyes twitch, corners turning down. I need to do this right.

“Will you marry me, Jo?” I say, and her eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up to her hairline.

“Janus.” She gasps, hands coming up to grip my waist, mouth parting. “Janus, myGod…”

That wasn’t an immediateyes, was it? My gut drops through the bed. I narrow my eyes on her.

“You said yes to oral sex every morning for the rest of our lives.”

“Yes, but I didn’t agree who was giving it to whom.” She’s attempting to diffuse the intensity that’s waiting there like a beast about to pounce.

I shake my head at her. She knows what she agreed, but I don’t want to get into it right now. I’ve got a more important issue at stake here.

“You haven’t answered my question,” I say, trying to lighten things up by rolling my eyes. I’m incredibly hot and I shift my gaze to the window. Is the sun shining? Is the AC working?

Her hands come up and creep around my jaw, turning my face back to hers, fingers stroking in my stubble. She leans up and plants a tiny kiss at the corner of my mouth, feathering kisses across my lips slowly. It carries on for so long I’m suddenly not sure whether she’s trying to distract me, and my muscles start to knot up one by one. I need to get off her. I can’t lie here and—but then a soft “yes” is whispered against my skin, another one against the curve of my upper lip. My blood feels like it’s thundering through my body like a freight train, and I pull back sharply, looking into her eyes.

“Seriously?” I say. Are we doing this?

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