Page 60 of His For the Summer

I lay there for a few moments, spent and shaken by the intensity of my longing for him.As I slowly cleaned up with an old t-shirt and pulled the covers back up around me, I wondered if I should confront him or move on.Moving on was clearly the more logical option, but for once, I didn’t feel like being logical.

thirty-five

Aiden

JayandParker’scamperswere scheduled for the first backpacking trip of the session, and I felt Jay’s absence keenly while he was gone.When he returned, he and Parker seemed closer than ever, and I tried to convince myself that it was a good thing.I wanted Jay to be happy, wanted him to move on.

Didn’t I?

I punched my pillow and rolled over, frustrated that I couldn’t sleep without him.During the day, when the campers needed me, I could distract myself, but at night, alone in our bed, it was impossible not to think about him.All around me, camp was happening like it always did.Meanwhile, I felt like I was moving through a thick fog, like everyone was far away from me.

When I closed my eyes, I saw Parker that afternoon, with his arm over Jay’s shoulder, making him laugh like they had inside jokes.

Giving up on sleep, I tugged on a hoodie and headed outside — pacing around camp sometimes helped.I walked out to the edge of the lake, searching for the solace I usually found in nature.It was a clear night, but there was no moon, and the lake was an inky black, the perfect match for my emotional state.

I walked out to the end of the dock and kicked off my shoes, then sat at the end.Skimming my feet through the dark water, I leaned back, resting my hands on the splintery wood of the dock and looking up at the sky.The stars were beautiful.My first thought — my first thought anytime I saw something great — was that Jay would love it.

Except for the mosquitoes.Jay would not like the mosquitoes.Slapping a bug away, I pulled a small jar of bug spray out of my back pocket and sprayed it down my arms.

“I’ve been thinking about things.”The voice behind me was as achingly familiar as it was unexpected.I turned to see Jay walking toward me, barefoot, and it took me a moment to decide that he was real.He was wearing a pair of loose pajama pants, and that hoodie, the one that got me hot and bothered every time he wore it.The hood was up, his blonde hair sticking out over his forehead, and he looked snuggly as fuck.

He sat beside me, bumping me with his shoulder, and all I could think was that he should be in my goddamn lap.I adjusted how I was sitting, gripping the dock to keep myself from running my hands all over him just to verify that I hadn’t imagined him.

I was pretty sure he was real.Mostly sure… but I hadn’t been getting all that much sleep lately.

“I’ve been thinking,” he repeated.“You need to learn to communicate if this is going to work.”

“What?”What about our current situation made him think anything was going to work?

“Well, I had lots of time to think over the past few days, especially on our backpacking trip.And this keeps happening.You get anxious about something, you freak out internally without telling me anything is wrong, and you pull back.”

“Yeah,” I said hesitantly, casting a glance his way.I shouldn’t have looked at him, because his lips were still as delectable as they’d always been.And he hadn’t pushed his hood down, so he looked mysterious and cute and insanely fuckable.

He grinned, clearly oblivious to my crazy thoughts.“Aiden.If you want us to work, you have to tell me what’s going on.”

I frowned, looking out over the water.“What makes you think I want this to work?It’s just a summer camp fling, right?”The words tasted harsh on my tongue, and I wanted to take them back the instant I spoke.But Jay just laughed, scooting closer, pressing against my side.

“Aiden.You’re sitting on a dock at 3 a.m.You leave for a backpacking trip tomorrow at 8.You should be asleep.Any idiot would be asleep.”

“I was a little restless,” I muttered, feeling defensive.

“Ask me why I’m awake,” he said.

“Okay, why are you awake?”I huffed, feeling cranky.

“The same reason you are.I got back from the backpacking trip, and you were standing there, staring at me like you needed me.And all I wanted to do was hug you and kiss you and tell you how much I missed you.But I couldn’t.Because you’re a moron.”

“Oh,” I breathed.He reached over and took my hand, setting it in his lap and playing with my fingers, weaving his fingers between mine.

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t call you a moron.You’re very smart in certain ways.But fuck, you suck at communication.”Jay grinned, resting his head on my shoulder, and I let him.It felt so damn good to be touching him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered.

“Maybe stop breaking up with me, then?Because if we stay together, I’ll be fine.It won’t hurt me to be with the man I love.”His words slammed into my chest, stealing my breath away, and I tightened my fingers around his, worried I was about to have a panic attack.Again.

“You aren’t supposed to love me.”

“Too late.”Jay tilted his head and kissed my cheek.

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