Page 35 of At My Worst

She shakes her head and looks me dead in the eyes. “This is your fault.”

“My fault?” I ask, shocked by her response.

She nods. “Yes, it was supposed to be just physical. Better yet, I was just supposed to crash here and move on, then…” she stops and takes a deep breath.

“Then what?”

“You. You happened,” she whispers in a shaken voice.

Fuck.

I lift my hand, but she turns her head from me, causing my blood to boil with the distance she is trying to create. I hear people behind us laughing and making their way to their cars. This is not where I want to have this fucking conversation, but it seems I have no fucking choice.

I walk into her and grab her by the throat. I am sick of her running from me, putting distance between us. She will not be able to run. I will make her face this, face me.

“Bianca, you need to listen to me,” I plead.

“Please, stop trying,” she begs.

“No,” I snap back.

“Alexander!” She screams at me, her body shaking against mine.

The tears roll down her face, making my heart ache and pound faster. “How are you okay with letting me fuck you, but you are not okay with letting me in?” I ask in a low voice.

“It’s different,” she confesses.

“How?”

“It just is!” She screams.

“Bianca.”

“Physical Alexander, that is what we both agreed on,” she says, reminding me of when I fucked her the first time against her car. I know what we both said, but I can’t just keep it physical. I fucking can’t. She has wiggled her way into my heart and has intertwined with my soul in a way that I can’t escape even if I wanted to walk away from her. I physically can’t fucking do it.

“This is not a fucking business transaction, Bianca.”

“Maybe it should be. It would be easier,” she says in a low voice. Her confidence has left her, and there is nothing but defeat in her tone.

“Easier than what?” I ask.

“Easier than this,” she says, looking at me and waving between us. Her words cut me, cut me so fucking deep. I told her I would bleed for her, and right now, that is exactly what I am fucking doing.

“What if I want more?”

She shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Alexander, please don’t do this to me,” she begs me. I should let her be. I should just fucking walk away, but I can’t. I can’t fucking do that.

“Bianca, let me in.”

“No,” she says, shaking her head again.

Her fucking sassiness is driving me up the fucking wall right now. “Bianca.”

“I don’t know how!” She screams and sobs.

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