Page 14 of At My Worst

I don’t know what the hell this push-and-pull thing is, but if she is trying to drive me insane and up the wall, she is succeeding. I do not play games, but it has always been me who has been played. This new game she and I have going is different than when my exes cheated on me or played with my emotions. Bianca has been upfront from the start. She doesn’t want anything more than physical, and I want to be that for her, but I am afraid my emotions are starting to get in the way.

Fuck.

I look at the clock. It is midnight, and the tavern is filled with people, drunk ass people.

I lean against the counter and look out at the crowd. My eyes find Bianca in the corner, drinking her third vodka soda. She hasn’t danced or talked with anyone and seems to be just fine being by herself.

Josh is out on the dance floor, grinding against a different girl than he was talking to earlier in the night. He has always been a player, but deep down, he is a good man. He just doesn’t let people see it very often.

I look back in the corner where Bianca was just drinking by herself, but she is no longer there. Nope, some motherfucker has asked her to dance, and she said yes. I keep my eyes on her as they move through the crowd, stopping a few feet from the corner. He grabs her hips and starts to move with the music. She allows him to lead as she sways her hips with the music. I can see that she is drunk, which means that motherfucker knows it too.

I place my hands on the counter as I watch her closely, getting lost in how her body moves. The way her head falls back against his shoulder as she starts to let go. Fuck, I wish I was that guy right now.

It shouldn’t bother me seeing her with another man. She isn’t mine, but fuck, seeing him touch her and whisper shit into her ear is causing my blood to boil in a way I have never felt before. It feels like someone has gut-punched me, making it hard to breathe.

She turns around, facing him, and places her hands on his chest. He leans down, and she whispers something into his ear. She quickly pulls back, lowers her hands as she turns, and makes her way towards the bathrooms and back door.

Fuck. This.

I walk up to Josh, pat him on his shoulder, and nod towards the bar. He smiles and heads to man the bar for me. I push through the crowd, and when I get to the bathroom hallway, Bianca is stumbling out of the back door. I follow quickly behind her, forcing the back door open. When I step out into the alley, the door slams behind me as I look around.

“Looking for me?” She asks from behind me.

I turn and watch her light a smoke. Closing in on her, I stop in front of her and place my hands on the wall next to her head as she takes another big drag.

“I will break his fingers,” I warn her.

“That’s not very nice,” she says, slurring her words.

“I don’t like you touching him, placing your hands on his chest. I don’t like it at all, Bianca,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Sir, you are working. I am having fun, that’s all,” she says, poking my chest.

She drops the smoke and steps on it.

I stare at her for a moment. “What do you want from me?” She asks again. It is the same question she asked me yesterday, but I didn’t answer.

“You. I want you,” I confess.

I will not make the same fucking mistake I made yesterday. If she wants me to answer her, then I fucking will.

“I can’t give you me,” she says so quietly I can barely hear her.

“Why?” I ask, feeling my heart race.

“Alexander, please don’t,” she begs me.

But I can’t, I can’t fucking let it go. I can’t stop wanting her. I shouldn’t, I fucking shouldn’t, but I can’t stop.

She stands up straight, face to face with me, and I keep my hands planted firmly on the wall, boxing her in. I lean in, my body touching hers, and slide my leg between hers.

My lips almost touching hers, I whisper. “I want you, Bianca.” I need her to hear the seriousness in my voice.

She shakes her head. “I can’t give you that.”

“But you can let me fuck you?”

“Yes,” she simply replies.

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