Page 22 of Behind Amber Eyes

Caleb thanks her and they begin toward the door with Elliot’s other friends. One of the girls, Farah, glances toward Elliot. “I don’t think there’s room in the car—"

“He can take my car,” Caleb says over his shoulder, throwing his keys toward Elliot. “Take your time, we won’t be needing it anytime soon.”

Imogen pulls Olivia toward the door, excitement all over her face. “We have to go, Liv! It’s our first baby!”

Olivia glances toward me, unsure.

I wave them off. “Go. I’ll catch up with you soon.” I watch as they all scurry to their cars and drive away.

Elliot comes up next to me. “I’m happy to drive us over there, but it’s probably gonna be a bit crazy right now. Want to just…chill for a minute?”

Rushing to the hospital would be a great excuse to push off a solo interaction with Elliot, but I know it will still have to come at some point.

I smile up at him and nod. “Sure.”

He smiles back affectionately and pulls me toward the couch to sit. “So, how’d you like everyone?”

“They were great.” I’m not lying. His friends are charming and outgoing like him, and they’ve been extremely welcoming toward me. I voice this, “I really appreciated how welcoming they are.”

He grins, placing his arm around me. “Of course, they are. Your friends are amazing, too. Especially Imogen—she really seemed to fit in with us. This was a great idea, Amelia.”

“Yeah, it was.” I try not to focus too much on his arm. The alcohol is starting to wear off and reality is beginning to set in, prompting some discomfort in our proximity. However, I try to ignore it.

Elliot grabs my hand with his free one, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “I feel like this brought us closer together. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that we needed a bit of a push.”

I appreciate him not placing all the blame on me, though I know he would have a right to. “I agree. It’s definitely made me feel more comfortable with everything.” I do feel bad for how I’ve treated him, but I also never anticipated being in the situation I’m in. And regardless of wanting to be truthful, I still don’t know him well enough to trust him with such a large secret. Especially since the secret directly conflicts with our commitment.

I push these thoughts away and place my other hand over his. “Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I haven’t made this easy.” When he opens his mouth to speak, I raise my hand. “You don’t have to argue, we both know it’s true. So seriously, thank you.”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, nodding with the corner of his lips gently upturned. He turns to look into my eyes, searching, and I realize what he’s thinking. He starts to lean in.

I quickly turn my head and his kiss lands on my cheek.

Fuck.

I keep my eyes downcast, not wanting to see the rejection that is sure to be on his face. Why do I keep fucking things up?

Elliot sighs and removes himself from me. When I look up, he’s rigid and staring ahead, disappointment clear on his face.“I thought we were doing better.” The warmth is now gone, replaced by exhaustion.

Anxiety starts to fill me. We were doing so well, so why can’t I just give in? Well, I know why, but I can’t think about that right now. I’m going to disappoint everyone in my life. I keep disappointing Elliot. “I’m sorry. If you can just—"

“What, give you more time?” There’s a twinge of anger in his voice, but he catches himself and he sits back with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I want to give you time, Amelia, I really do. But we don’thavetime. We should’ve already started planning our binding ceremony. I mean, all the other couples have.” He turns to me, eyes intense. “Which, by the way, they’ve been trying to set something up with us, especially Maria’s sister, but no one can get in touch with you. I just want to know, what’s going on? It can’t just be about giving you time.”

I avoid his gaze, feeling on the brink of a panic attack. I’m starting to really regret not pushing to go to the hospital, but there’s no point in focusing on what could have been. Elliot says my name and I realize how long I’ve been silent. “Sorry. I just…I don’t know, Elliot. Something doesn’t feel…right.”

When I look up at him, there’s hurt in his eyes, but not surprise. “I figured as much. But I’m sorry, Amelia, there’s no going back on this. There’s no other option.”

There is, I think to myself, but quickly clear that idea from my mind. He doesn’t deserve this; he’s as much of a victim of this process as I am.

“I know you don’t feel anything for me, and it doesn’t feel good, especially since I think they did a pretty decent job of picking you for me.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “But we have no choice but to make this work. So, please, for me, for our families,try.”

I hold his gaze and the taste of copper makes me realize I’m biting my lip so hard I’ve made it bleed. I swallow my feelingsand grab his hand again, licking my lip while nodding. “Of course. I’m so sorry, Elliot. I promise to try.”

He allows me to hold his hand, softening at my words. “Thank you,” he whispers, and squeezes my hand once before letting go.

We sit in uncomfortable, yet resigned, silence for another moment before he offers to take me to the hospital. I accept gratefully, ready for this night to be over.

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