Page 49 of Straight to Me

His hand rubs the top of his head, roughing up his hair. He then looks straight at me. “Do you feel the same way?” he asks.

A part of me wants to scream yes, but I don’t.

I watch him waiting for my answer, then step into his personal space to drape my arms around his waist. Both his hands cup my head as our eyes quietly observe each other. His thumb runs light strokes across my cheeks, patiently waiting my response.

“Sometimes, I can’t quite believe that you and I found each other, VP.” A small smile stretches across his face, eyes still holding my gaze. “I’ve never felt this way, about anyone. Even married, I didn’t feel like I do now. But it crosses my mind that whilst I’m enjoying every second I spend with you, things are moving so fast for us, I wonder what lies ahead… like something’s bound to go wrong somehow, you know?”

His eyes dance between mine.

“Like it’s too good to be true,” he says on a breath. He rests his forehead on mine and we share a silent moment.

“I feel everything you feel, VP, and I want to say the words you want to hear, but I promised myself I would only say it if I knew it meant things wouldn’t change. I’m afraid if I say them out loud, the things that lie ahead, they’ll get closer, and what we’re doing—what we have—I might lose that. And I don’t want to lose that—to lose you.”

He pulls me close to him and his smooth lips touch mine, gently kissing me and loving me. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says, pulling his head back. His full focus is on me as he speaks, “Mads, I can’t change what I do, or who I am. But when I’m with you, everything makes more sense. The fog that’s clouded my mind my whole life, it lifts, and I can see what I want again. I love you, and I want you. I don’t need to hear you say it back, because you’ve already given me more than you could ever know.”

Chapter Sixteen

VP

Telling Mads I love her is crazy. Knowing she feels the same feels unbelievable. I get her hesitation to say the words back, what with her divorce and the pace at which things are moving for us, but I’m definitely in trouble here.

Desperation to love her took over me when she came round tonight. I was frantic at the thought of my upcoming trip, but she loved it. Her body turned on for me, as I knew it would.

Every time she calls me her VP, pleasure rises within me. She’s a goddess. Her body perfectly balanced and curved. After admitting how I felt, once wasn’t enough for either of us, we had to have more of each other, all over the house.

We lay in my bed and I can’t help but think about how in the time I’ve known Mads I’ve learnt so much about her, even though we’ve spent very little time together by comparison.

A stubborn and strong-willed woman. She was clumsy the first night we met, fierce the next. As strong as she is though, I worry the dangers of my life could slip into hers and cause her harm. But, as long as I stay close to her, I won’t let that happen. I need her, more than she will ever know; she’s fast become everything I’ve ever needed. She makes the load that I carry seem lighter, the dark days brighter, and I feel less afraid to face what’s haunting me.

“VP,” she says against my chest, my blood pressure spiking whilst I stroke her hair, the smell of cinnamon hitting my nose. “Why Australia?”

I’ve decided how much I should tell her about my club.

“My uncle’s the president of the mother charter, the birthplace of the Rippers MC. We need him to okay us starting another charter down south.”

“Is that why you were really there four months ago?” she asks, reading between the lines.

“Yeah. We need access to a port we once occupied years ago. We need it back. But setting up an OMC takes time, patience, trust. We helped them clear up their problem, so they gave us their turf.”

Rippers MC has its rivalries. None more so than with The Sodom Saviours MC. Both clubs formed out of Australia in the late 70s, early 80s. We hate each other to this day. Blood has been spilled over who controls the most turf.

“Will you have to go back, down south?”

She doesn’t want me to leave? Or maybe she wants to be able to come with me, see her friend again. “Maybe, but once they’re up and running I shouldn’t have to.”

I won’t if I can avoid it. Like how I’ve managed to avoid going back to Australia all these years. Until now it seems. Rocco knows what going back will mean, having to face the past and the guilt I live with each day.

It was he and Uncle Ronnie who co-foundered the Rippers. Both born and raised in Lancashire, their families, minus my dad who stayed with his mum when his and Ronnie's parents divorced, eloped in the great Down Under when they were kids. From there, they became inseparable.

By the mid-80s, the exportation and importation of drugs was expanding rapidly. The once small-time bike club they had formed suddenly became a huge player in running protection, alongside drugs and narcotic distribution.

“Are you looking forward to seeing your aunt and uncle?” Mads asks in her sleepy voice.

I can’t tell her that truth, not yet.

“I’m looking forward to seeing my cousin, Jack,” I reply, hoping to divert her.

“But not your aunt and uncle?” she sniggers, turning her head up to look at me. My face must reflect the way I feel, her face suddenly drops. “Is this the story that was for another time?”

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