Page 126 of Straight to Me

She turns to me, and with a long breath her eyes meet mine. “What I’m trying to say, Madison is, sometimes, we’re completely blind-sighted by love, that we forget to be wise. Men like Dean, they’re capable of encouraging things in us that other men simply aren’t. They’re so direct and confident that we find them irresistible. The truth is, the only person that ever gets hurt is us, because people like us are the ones willing to compromise and adapt for them, but people like them are incapable of giving up what they know… of change.”

My mum’s words leave me speechless. Jess nods without a word like she’s learnt the same lesson at some point as well. “My best advice to you, darling, is be wise and let him go. Move on as best you can. You don’t have to forget, but you need to accept that he isn’t coming back. That he won’t change, no matter how much you love him.”

She scoops me and Jess in her arms and holds us tight. It’s the most intimate she’s been with us in years. Before we know it, we’re all crying, comforting each other at the same time.

Chapter Thirty-One

VP

Drinking myself to oblivion, I didn’t wake until my phone went off late Friday evening. It was Uncle Ronnie calling in the early hours from Australia to update me on Jack. I flung the bottle of whiskey I’d opened across the kitchen in a fit of rage.

In the years since I’d left, Jack had looked after himself, never getting himself hurt or in any serious danger. Then I show up and one day later we’re being fucking shot at, people are dying, Mads gets hurt, and my best friend... I’ll never forgive myself.

I knew I shouldn’t have gone back. Deep down I fucking knew. I’d outrun the memories for so long, a small part of me wondered whether I’d be okay. Mads was with me, I’d be alright, I told myself. But seeing Ronnie exactly the same as he was when I left all those years ago, and telling Mads about Aunt Linda… I’ve never told anyone that.

It felt like a massive weight had been lifted. Like I could finally breathe a little easier having told her. By saying the words out loud though, I made it real. And no sooner had I finally opened up to someone, history whipped back around and tried to serve me the same cruel fate all over again.

No, going back was a mistake. That will teach me for thinking I deserved any kind of happiness in this life. All I have known is death and loss and fear and a life of having no one to share the load with.

Until her.

I take a sip from the fresh bottle of whiskey I opened. The room swirls as I rest my head against the back of the sofa. When I allow my eyes to close, I see Mads. The way her eyes looked at me when I didn’t take her hand in the hospital, when I told her I couldn’t be her VP anymore… I tear my eyes open and take another swig from the bottle. The cycle I’ve been repeating all night starts again.

I look over my shoulder, staring at the dining table in the kitchen. I take another sip, the usually harsh amber liquid no longer burning my throat as I swallow.Couldn’t just stick it out dad, be there for me when I needed you most.

Spotting shards of broken glass from the bottle I threw, I rub my face with my free hand and unsteadily stand to my feet. Staggering to the kitchen, I need to clean up the mess.

My phone pings a message from Mads as I sway on the spot.

Mads: I still have your mum’s necklace. Let me know when’s a good time to return it to you

My heart shatters. I grab a handful of glass off the floor and throw it across the kitchen, cutting my hand in the process. I don’t want the necklace back. She’s the woman I love more than anything. As far as I’m concerned it’s hers. If I take it back, then I know things are absolutely final.

Telling her I can’t be her VP anymore isn’t about me. It’s about keeping her away from the death and destruction that follows me around. Australia was too close a call. I won't put Mads in that situation ever again. If that means putting distance between us to keep her safe, then so be it.

I pull out a chair and slump myself down. Staring across the table, I shake my head.What if mum hadn’t died? What if dad hadn’t bowed out? What if I’d never moved to Australia?I could drown myself in the what ifs that terrorise me.

Sipping again, I scan my eyes across the room. My vision is blurred but I can see that I’m alone. Alone again and falling back into the very pit I dug for myself twenty-three years ago.

Tuesday evening and Travis and Beats are on their way to pick me up. The past three days have merged into one, but last night, Travis swung by mine with news on the Sodom Saviours. He’s come by every day since I’ve been back, but last night was the first time I actually let him in. Persistent bastard.

He forced me to wash and eat before he divulged the information he had. I humoured him, but my insides are wrecked. As soon as he left, I was violently sick. Having no energy, I slept all day, only waking up a few hours ago to get ready.

By chance, one of our prospects had been on a private job at a customer’s new build. While he was working up in the rafters, two tradesmen wearing a Saviour cut, who hadn’t spotted him hiding, openly discussed a plan to ambush me. They’d planned to take me, kill me, and to one by one pick the rest of my club off, all because of what happened Down Under.

I listened to Travis without a word and for a split second, I considered offering myself up. I could end the barrage of hate that I carry for myself.

Kill or be killed, I can hear Jack say.

I sobered up.

The prospect had tailed the Sodom Saviours back to a disused mill, about half an hour away from their clubhouse. We could get to them before they planned to execute me. I could get them for what they did to Jack.

Each and every Saviour who planned to take me and kill me, was going to die tonight. I don’t care about repercussions or retaliation. They’re going to pay for what they did.

Just before nine, I hear a van’s engine outside and I grab my phone off the side before walking out the door. I hadn’t messaged Mads back after she mentioned the necklace. I didn’t know what to say. Things were better—easier—to just not say anything at all. I pull the door closed and push any thoughts of her to the back of my mind.

“You good?” Travis asks me as I climb into the van. I don’t reply as I close the door behind me, instead, I simply nod. He keeps his eyes on me, but I stare straight ahead. We’re mates, but I’ve had my fair share of opening up lately. There’s nothing more to say.

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