Page 125 of Straight to Me

“More wine?” she asks.

I shouldn’t.“Yeah, go on then.”

“I’ll put the oven on too. You want pizza or something else?” I think back to a night I made VP try pineapple on pizza for the first time. He hated it, acted like I was force feeding him shit. These stupid little moments plague my brain, suffocating me from within.

“Pizza.”

“Okay,” she says, opening the fridge door. “Oh, shit! Mum’s coming over at four. I’m so sorry, I completely forgot. I had no idea what had happened before I said she could come.”

“Mum?”

“She was worried about you when you cancelled everything. I’m sorry Madison, if I'd known how bad it was, I would have covered for you.”

“Does she even know how to find me?”

Jess takes the pizzas out the box, searching for the trays. “I text her yesterday. She’ll be here in half an hour.”

“That’s okay, it will be good to see her. Maybe we don’t tell her about any of this though?”

“Any of it? She’ll see through it, just how I did.” Jess looks curiously at me. “Perhaps, leave out the outlaw goings on, just tell her about your breakup?”

Smiling a little, I agree, “Okay. No murder or car chases, just the fact my boyfriend left me, got it.” Jess smiles for the first time since arriving, handing me a very full glass of wine.

By eight o’clock and three bottles of wine later, I still haven’t heard from VP. Mum arrived as the pizzas finished cooking and we caught up while eating. I only managed a few mouthfuls before feeling sick from all the alcohol. After that I stopped drinking altogether, unable to even stomach a cup of tea.

With help from Jess, Mum heard all about my short-lived romance. She sympathised with me for feeling so ridiculously sorry for myself. She also seemed concerned that I moved up north to only be near him, but once I told her all about my new job, she relaxed, showing more enthusiasm than expected about what I’ll be doing.

Mum takes her empty mug back to the kitchen, readying to leave.

“Do you need a lift home, Jess?” she shouts.

“Only if you’re sure, mum? I was just going to get a taxi.”

“No, don’t be daft, let me drop you back.”

Jess stands, helping to clear some of the glasses off the table. “You okay if I go?” she whispers.

“You’ve been here all afternoon, of course I’ll be okay. Thanks for coming over.”

We both check to see if mum’s looking. She’s busy filling up the sink with hot water. “You message if you hear from him.”

“I will.”

Mum turns back to us, having placed the dirty mugs in the sink. “Did I ever tell you girls about when I was in school?” Jess and I exchange a confused look. “When I was twelve, young and carefree, I met a boy a little older than me, not by much, but he was in his last year whilst I was starting my second year.” Mum leans against the kitchen counter drying her hands with a tea towel. “He was so handsome and popular, and boy, he knew it. Anyway, I was sporty, enjoyed my tennis as you know, then one day, out of the blue, he joined the tennis club.”

“This going somewhere?” Jess asks, and we both exchange a little laugh.

“Shh, let me finish.” Mum hangs up the towel, then turns back to us. “He seemed to take an interest in me, which was strange because he was that bit older. I always used to assume he was playing a joke or had been put up to talk to me by one of his friends.”

Jess and I perch on the back of the sofa, listening to mum share some of her past. “We spent a lot of time together, and eventually, we became good friends. Truth be told, I’d fallen completely in love with him. I think he knew, but he never made me feel uncomfortable or stupid for loving him. Meeting in school became harder after a while. He was teased for liking a second year and I was accused of being a hussy for stealing all of the popular boy’s attention. We started meeting every night at the pavilion down past where your grandparents used to live.”

We all smile at the fond memories of my mum’s late parents. “We’d talk, get fish and chips, generally just happy to be in each other’s company. Until one night he kissed me.” She smiles at the memory and her face lights up. “It was almost my thirteenth birthday and I’d never felt so grown up. It was a massive step in our relationship, or so I had thought.”

She stares at the floor lost in her own thoughts. “He then told me that he couldn’t see me anymore and that I should forget all about him. I was blown away, completely crushed. When I asked him why, he only said that he was sorry.”

Jess and I move closer, aware of the lingering pain even after all these years. “How come you never mentioned this before?” Jess asks.

“I was so young, it was no big deal. Except at the time, it meant everything to me. I saw him a handful of times again after that, but each time when I thought he’d stay, he’d leave again.”

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