Page 117 of Straight to Me

He nods, satisfied at my response. “Is that what you were worried about? An inconsistent story?” My tone is edgy. I’m pissed off with his lack of empathy or consideration. I understand what’s happened must be hurting him, dragging up past memories for him. But I nearly died. And as selfish as that might sound right now, I’m the one laying in the hospital bed, not him.

“Mads, I—” he stands as I cut him off.

“Save it,” I tell him, rubbing my tired, heavy eyes.

I want to cry unapologetically in peace. Is he seriously more worried about what I’ll say to nurses than how I am? Or maybe he’s just mad because he saw Chris had messaged? My skin prickles with frustration.

VP shifts whilst I attempt to turn on my side.

“Let me help.”

“I can do it myself,” I snap. He doesn’t move as I shudder, trying to turn away from him. Once I’m semi-comfortable, I grab my phone pretending to be busy.

“I’ll… come check on you later,” he says hesitantly. “Your phone charger’s there and I brought your bag of clothes and your things.”

“Thank you,” I say in a flat tone. Unable to look at him, I hear him walk away. I reach up and find the necklace he gave me is on the bedside table. I hold it in my hand as my heart breaks in two when the door closes behind him. I just want him here, next to me, but he’s unable to do that right now. Too busy being angry at everything to be supportive.

I go back through my messages and find there’s an unopened one from Bex.

Bex: Yeah sorry, Chris has been badgering Kyle. I think he’s split from the mistress! He’s desperate to see you. I told him to go fuck himself but Kyle was weak! Love you, message when you’re back x

Missing my friend more than ever, I hit reply.

Me: Bex, I miss you! When you’re feeling better, can I come visit, see the new place? Or if you’re up to it, come stay with me at my new flat?! Next weekend might be too soon if you’re still not feeling well, but let me know x Ps thanks for telling Chris to go fuck himself!

Lying here alone, I look around the room, contemplating how the hell I ended up in this situation. Of course, I know how.

Love.

But if I compare my life now to what it was five months ago, I think I would rather be here than living a boring life without him. I have so much to look forward to living up north. I’m closer to my sister, my mum, and my new job starts in a few weeks.

In the early hours of the morning, I wake up flat on the bed and my phone's been moved to the table, a vase full of red roses sat beside it. VP sleeps peacefully in the chair in the corner. He’s changed clothes and his hair’s been washed. He looks handsome, even in his sleep. I watch him for a moment, not blaming him at all for what’s happened since we got here.

Managing to move better after some rest, I sit up and take a sip of water from the glass next to me. He stirs, rubbing his eyes.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” he yawns. “You’ve been asleep for ages. I managed to get some rest too.”

“Good.” I reach for the button to adjust the bed and lift the head end up. “Any news on Jack?” VP walks over to me. A t-shirt under his cut, black shorts on and his boots. My eyes run over his face, still dreamy-eyed from sleep.

“Nurse said we can go see him.” He takes the button adjusting the bed for me. “He’s coming round but there’s a lot of damage. Looks like he didn’t have his seatbelt on. If he had, he’d be like you. Mads?” I stare blankly at him, mentally cursing Jack for not putting on his belt. “You alright?”

“Yes,” I grumble, my eyes blinking back my frustration. “It’s good that he’s coming round.”

VP doesn’t move once he’s finished adjusting the bed. He watches me like I’m fragile. He needs to realise that I’m not. He tucks his hands in his pockets and my tightly drawn face relaxes as I take the sight of him in.

The self-loathing needs to stop.

“You’re killing me,” I note, making him look at me. He catches my drifting eyes admiring him. “Do you think you could stop beating yourself up for five minutes and kiss me?”

He smiles. “Even broken and bruised you can’t resist me.” I’ve missed that face. His smile warms every fibre in my body. He leans over me and carefully places his lips on mine. VP then strokes the side of my face tenderly before his fingers slide behind my ear into my hair.

“VP.” He doesn’t open his eyes, but I watch him, savouring this moment. “I love you,” I say gently, finally.

He sighs on a hot breath against my face, eyes still closed. “Say that again,” he whispers, and I smile as loving eyes then stare back at me. I relax, having told him exactly how I feel.

“I love you.”

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