Page 176 of Straight to Me

It’s funny, in some ways she reminds me of the only other woman I’ve ever loved. Her inability to see her worth is what makes her so beautiful. Her big heart, so willing to love me unconditionally, to accept me for who I am, warts and all.

I’ve never felt like I deserved to be loved.

My dad never showed me real love, not unless it involved something he took interest in. I always thought that one day I would end up just like him… dying alone. I guess my way of thinking comes from trying to ensure I didn’t end up like him.

I’ve kept everyone at a safe distance for so long, always looking out for the club and my brothers… maybe now is my time to think about me. To think about what I want, what I’ve wanted since I met her.

My dream forces my bruised lip to ache as I smile. A vision of a family,myfamily, before me. The goodness I crave in my life is at my fingertips.

Fuck, I need to get out of here.

Chapter Forty-Four

Only Mop and the hangarounds remain at the clubhouse with me and Lauren. After Rocco spoke to her, he managed to convince me to stay. Seeing Travis’s relief that I wasn’t coming along, also made me realise how much added pressure my presence would have brought. Pressure they didn’t need.

My head was whirling with Rocco’s declaration that my child was his grandchild. He refused to explain himself, but the only possible explanation was that Dean’s mum and Rocco had had an affair.

I don’t think Dean knows. How could I tell him that Rocco was his real father? Would he be happy? Would he feel lied to? I realise that doesn’t matter right now. He needs to come home first.

All I can do is sit and wait. At least Lauren is here with me and not out there where the Sodom Saviours can hurt her. “Oh, here I still have this.” Lauren slides my phone across the table. I take it and am immediately grateful that she’s been helping us, when she could just as easily have gone back to the Saviours with Alex, and then I’d be God knows where…

“You did good today, getting hold of Travis,” I tell her. She smiles half-heartedly. I can tell she feels uncomfortable.

“I only answered a call,” she says as she looks down at her hands resting on the table. “Will Dean be, okay?”

I sigh and lean forward, resting my hands on hers. “I hope so. They’re all doing what they can.” I check my phone for any updates, wishing it would ring with news.

“I don’t enjoy it,” my eyes meet hers, “being moved from school to school. Helping them with whatever they need. Being used.”

“Was that your uncle who picked you up from school? The man in the car?”

She nods. “When we were put into care, he came and found me and my brother. Things were hard, but he was family and we had an adult who appeared to give a shit.”

“Appeared to?”

She wipes her eyes. “He didn’t really care about me, or Jay.”

When she looks down again, I sense she’s desperate to explain, to tell me what’s really going on. She looks back up at me, chewing her lip and I place my hand back on hers. “Jay’s a live wire, always getting into trouble. He got expelled from school for hitting a lad so hard he sent him to hospital. The only school taking new entrants was miles away over a border. Jay couldn’t go, not with my uncle’s hatred for the Rippers. You can’t just drive through someone else’s territory; you’d be killed before you knew what was happening.”

All the calls the men were making earlier, the hum of activity before Rocco and the rest of them left. They must have called the Sodom Saviours and warned them they were coming for their vice president.

“Rocco doesn’t have the element of surprise, does he?” I say, more to myself than to Lauren. She shakes her head. “So how did you get involved in all of this?”

She sips the drink in front of her, wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve. “When I first started secondary school, some guy was selling drugs to underage kids. It wasn’t a big deal really, but his claim of being part of the Sodom Saviours MC was. He had no idea who I was, or my uncle, but it turned out that was a lie. When I told my uncle, he was furious some punk was posing as one of them. So, for pretending to be associated with the club, the guy got himself six weeks bed rest with two broken legs.”

A look of horror washes over my face. It’s instinctive, yet I should really be used to hearing this sort of thing by now. But how could I ever get used to such violence?

“My uncle wanted me to sell the guys confiscated drugs after that, as some sort of weird test, I guess.” She shrugs her shoulders. “When I said no, he threatened to put me and Jay back into care. The thought of going back to different strangers… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to go back to that, Mads,” her voice shakes.

I try to reassure her by tightening my hold on her. “Don’t blame yourself. He’s your uncle, he should have looked after you, not used you how he did.” She just stares at me. What this kid has been through is tragic.

My heart bleeds for her.

“I did it. I sold the drugs to the kids. My uncle thought having a teenage girl could get me into places the club couldn’t. It turned out more beneficial than he originally expected. More beneficial than my safety or education anyway.”

“I’m so sorry.” I stroke her hands comfortingly.

“No.I’msorry.” She starts crying, shaking her head. “When I moved to your school, I had no idea what was going to happen. All I knew was that Alex owed the club money he’d borrowed and spent gambling. I was supposed to make sure he focused on paying it back. Then I got assigned to you and I saw the Harleys and the cuts. It was standard to inform my uncle about any other club hangouts or dealings and associations I came across. It was my mistake for telling my uncle about you being involved with Dean. They decided you would be good leverage to get to him. So, they made Alex an offer; deliver both of you and they’d wipe his debt clean.”

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