Page 161 of Straight to Me

“I don’t need you to. I’ve felt this pain before. It’ll be you that hurts now. Now that I’ve done that test, you’ll want something I can’t give you, and I’m sorry that I’ve put that on you.” My heart breaks looking to his face, knowing I’ve hurt him.

“Don’t say that. You don’t know that you’ve got anything wrong with you. Maybe we just took it too early?”

I'm well aware that he could be right, but the tiniest part of me thought, maybe, just maybe, it would be positive. My sadness is then overshadowed. “Even after all this time, you don’t get it.” His eyes narrow on me as I start shouting. “For far too long I’ve felt a guilt like no other for something that’s not my fault! I can’t be that person anymore.” Hot tears fill my eyes. “At my lowest moment, I met you. I blame myself for believing I could have it all with you, Dean.”

I hold the tears back as my voice shifts from weary to exasperated. “I looked past everything you told me about you and the club, justified it all because I love you!” His lips part as he tries to speak. “Then you tore out my heart and threw it away, and again I had to get over someone I thought I’d spend my life with. Instead, this time I didn’t want to get over you! I haven’t been able to! The only way I can give myself a chance is to not be around you. But I still need you, Dean. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Shaking with grief, my voice rattles. He steps closer but I shake my head not wanting him any closer to me. “Mads.” My heart floods with sadness again.

Swinging the bathroom door open, I run down the stairs away from him. He follows, his steps not too far behind mine. Stopping in the lounge, I need to end this once and for all, before our fears get us both hurt. I turn sharply, smashing my hands against his chest. His eyes narrow, confused and broken as he falters backwards.

“Mads!”

“Dean, you need to shout at me!” I step towards him. “You need to tell me you hate me!” He doesn’t move. I hit my hands against his leather cut, but he simply stands there taking my outburst. “It’s the only way I can get over you!”

“I can’t do that,” he tells me in a firm, low voice.

“Why not!” I shout. I push him backwards, actually managing to make him move. His eyes mist over, and he lunges forwards.

“I don’t want you to get over me,” he barks. His hands grab my arms, holding them still.“You asked me why I came to you tonight.” His eyes move fast, jaw clenching in between his words. “You said you wanted to move on. I don’t want you to move on. I don’t want you to forget me! There's no escaping it. You’re mine. I’m yours.”

Anger floods my veins. Anger at myself for ever falling in love with him. He can’t say I’m his when he broke up withme! Managing to move one arm, I try to push him back again.

“I can’t do it anymore, Dean!”

He stands still, watching me. “You can beat me ‘til I’m black and blue, Mads. I earned this pain, doing this to you… I can’t go back and change how I handled things, but I know we’re going to find each other again—wehaveto find our way back to each other!”

“How can you be so certain?! How would you know?” I bellow, wrestling against his vice-like grip.

“Because I’ve been unsure about most things in life, but with you, I've never felt more certain about anything!” He stands tall towering over me, his breathing quick and heavy. The adrenaline coursing around my body leaves me shivering under his hands.

“Then why leave me?” My voice breaks as I screech at him.

“I thought if I put space between us, I could let you go. But I was wrong. I couldn’tmovewithout you being near me, couldn’t function without seeing you every day. Selfishly, when I saw your flat messed up, I was happy.” I scrunch my eyes at him and my lips push tight together. “I knew you’d have to stay with me… and I was fuckingglad. I’d have you back, even if you hated me. I’d have you where I needed you, by my side.”

I shake my arms free as he lets his grip loosen. Tucking loose hair behind my ears, I huff each time I take a breath as Dean continues, “You were strong though, able to carry on moving forward. It was me that was a mess.” He looks intently at me. But his voice has lowered. “Mads, I wish I could be a better me—for you. You deserve the world. I want to give you everything you want, everything you need to make you happy.”

I don’treply, but when my lips part to speak, Dean closes the gap between us and his lips crash against mine, catching me off guard. My fists hit his chest, but the deep desire to love every inch of him ignites as he sweeps his mouth over my lips.

I can’t fight the need anymore. The realisation that only with him do I feel alive, is too strong.

Hungrily, I push back. My tongue pushing past his clenched teeth. His beard scratches my chin as his hands grip my head firmly, not intending to let me escape. Like wrestlers, our tongues battle back and forth as my hands search for his leather.

A small sob tries to leave me when I open my eyes to find him watching me, checking if this is what I want. I kiss him harder, giving him my answer.

This is what I need.

Pushing the leather off his shoulders to the floor, his hands move back to my head, scrunching my hair in his fists. He turns my face, opening his mouth ready to devour me. I fumble to undo his shirt buttons as my fingers move fast, impatiently pulling, popping them off one by one. He helps me, letting go of me momentarily to take it off.

Rushing back together, he moans against my neck as I roll my head back, my hands travelling over his bare chest, moving to his jeans. Sliding his hands up my neck into the back of my hair, his thumb traces my throat, slowly gliding over my lips and parting them. My hands don’t stop but our eyes meet as I look up to him.

I’m lost in him.

Moving past his boxers, I lean into him, taking his cock in my hand. He gasps, tightening his grip on my throat. Rubbing my palm up and down, his hot breath rains on my face as his desire builds. With our faces so close together, our mouths stay open as he looks down over me.

Pulling my hair fervently, he kisses my neck, his wet lips sucking and seeking, sending bolts of lightning all over my body. Dean’s other hand grabs at my jeans as his cock hardens in my grasp. I pant loudly, running my fingers through his hair, scrunching a handful.

When he moans into my ear, I pull harder. He yanks my jeans apart at the already open button before he spins us, pushing me against the wall with an animalistic intensity. My lips part, letting out a gasp of air as I steady myself with my hands against his carved stomach.

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