Page 145 of Straight to Me

Lauren nods, and judging by her lack of words, I doubt she’s had anyone believe her on this, or listen to her, ever.

“Can I take your silence as a, yes?” I smile at her hopefully.

“Yes,” she says with a slight laugh. “I’ll come to you if I need anything, Mads.”

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it.”

I stand from my chair, walking to the door. Holding it open for her, she picks up her bag and walks towards me. Just as she’s about to walk out of the office, she stops and looks at me. “Thank you,” she says dropping her chin as she walks away. I can’t help but watch her until she’s out of sight.

It may have been short and sweet, but all she needed to know was that she could come to me, that she had someone who cared.

Training in the afternoon was useful. Like a total newbie, I took page after page of notes on how best to handle different situations that may arise, from teen pregnancy, to bullying, to minor criminal offenses. The most prevalent being de-escalation techniques in high stress situations. Distraction and redirection, the two words I wrote more than any other.

I leave my work building at four, checking my phone as I approach my car. One new message sits in my inbox.

Chris: Madison, I’m in Preston for a week. Can we meet? I need to talk to you, it’s important

I’m hit with immediate anger as I read it. I go to reply to tell him to fuck off when my nostrils fill with Dean’s earthy smell. Fumbling my phone in my hands I look up as he approaches. I try to push Chris’s message and my anger to the back of my mind.

He stands in front of me and I can’t shake the unexpected disappointment that washes over me when his hands don’t touch me. I don’t think I can handle seeing him so often knowing he’s not mine anymore. It’s still too fresh. Maybe with some time…

He sees my mood change and he steps closer. “Mads, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say deflated.

“It looks like something.”

“It’s nothing you can help me with,” I correct myself. His head drops and he moves to grab his helmet.

“Right. You ready to go home?”

I'm torn. I can't go back to mine without Dean coming too, and I can't go to his. Feeling momentarily caged in, I panic. “I think I’d like to stay at Jess’s tonight.”

“Why? I’ll stay at yours again, so you won’t be alone.”

It’s now or never Mads. Be wise.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Dean.”

“Why not?” He starts, flustering. I can see him worrying about not keeping an eye on me. “What if something happens? I’m not leaving you.”

“And that’s incredibly selfish of you.”

He looks at me confused. “Dean, I can’t have you staying at mine, being with me, if you’re notwithme. It’s too much. You’re telling me I’m not yours anymore, yet you want to be with me all the time.”

“I want to keep you safe.”

“And I accept that, but at some point you have to see that what you’re asking of me, isn’t fair. It’s too fresh for me. I’m still hurting from our breakup and I need some time to get used to the way things are.” My eyes fill.

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” he says.

“I know,” I reply sniffing, blinking the tears away. “You can follow me home and I’ll grab a bag before I head to Jess’s. Then you leave. I’ll be fine there with her and Max.” I hope. I could be putting us all at risk by staying there, but I don't know what else to suggest.

“No, Mads.”

“I’m not asking, Dean.” I don’t give him time to reply. I walk past him and jump in my car, closing the door behind me. When I see he’s ready, I pull away heading home.

Later at Jess’s, she doesn’t seem too put out by my unplanned arrival. After giving her a small piece of my mind about letting him know where I worked, she understood my need to keep the distance between me and Dean.

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