Page 60 of Jagged Little Pieces

Walla Walla pushes the door open as our kiss ends. “I like when you lie for my benefit.”

With a few more gentle pushes, he gets me inside the Pigsty’s two-story foyer. I feel my chest tightening. Panic threatens to steal my breath. My thoughts return to my teenage fantasies about coming here. I feel like my life’s been wasted for the last dozen years.

I battle against the illogical mess raging in my head. Rather than a waste, my life has been enjoyable. I was happy in Banta City. Unsatisfied, maybe, but I wasn’t miserable.

I recall Hunter’s words about luck and fate. Also, how she wants me to forgive myself.

Tearing up, I’m overwhelmed. I trained myself to be meek for years, so I wouldn’t tempt danger again. Now, my meekness keeps me pinned to my spot in the foyer.

Behind me, Walla Walla closes the door. His hands rest on my shoulders, feeling commanding yet tender. I try to breathe normally and stop crying.

I see a tall man stretched out on the couch, reading his phone. Another one is in the kitchen with Coco. The guy on the couch has his longish, brown hair covered with a bandana. The one talking up Coco has shorter dark hair. His gaze flashes to Walla Walla and me.

“Vacationing in McMurdo Valley should improve your mood,” he tells Coco in a seductive voice. “Nothing fixes the trauma of nearly dying like running around half naked during a warm autumn in the Valley.”

“Buzz off, fuckwit,” Goose demands, appearing from somewhere I can’t see. “She’s already swapping spit with me.”

“And you’re not willing to share?” the guy grumbles. “You have selfish tendencies, Goose.”

“I’m going to pound your pretty face.”

“No, you can’t fix this situation by coming on to me.”

Coco raises her hands and states in her sassy way, “You can both try to win my affections. However, Tomcat, I should warn you, Goose has gotten a big head start. But feel free to try to replace her.”

Goose pounds her fist on the kitchen bar and glares at Coco. “I don’t want you if he leaves you sticky. I have standards.”

“Do you, though?” Tomcat asks and flinches when Goose punches his arm. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“I thought Walla Walla asked us to be chill?” interjects the guy on the couch. “Isn’t that what his text said?”

I glance back at Walla Walla who smiles softly. “I didn’t want them hounding you. I guess I shouldn’t have worried since Goose and Coco are taking the heat off us. Let’s just move around their drama, so I can show you the room I picked for you.”

Though tears cling to my overheated cheeks, I’m no longer crying. The Coco Show often distracts me from my own insecurities. Sometimes, her antics are just her being her.

Other times, she does it to help me. Like, when I bled the tiniest bit through my jeans when we were at a casino. To distract people from what they never would have even noticed, she started dancing around and making a scene. All her jumping splits and jazz hands were for my benefit.

Right now, I don’t think she’s worried about me as much as confused about Goose. I’ll need to talk to her later to help her sort out her feelings. I doubt I can do any jumping splits, but I’m more than willing to wave jazz hands at people if it’ll help.

Walla Walla gets me moving. We walk past the four people in the large family room overlooking a massive back deck and an expansive yard.

“My room is upstairs,” he whispers and points up at the door on the next floor’s open walkway. “For you, I picked a quiet room tucked in the back. Coco will be next door. You can hide if you want or come out to see people.”

After circling around Coco and the bikers, Walla Walla directs me to a comfortable bedroom suite. I’m relieved the room doesn’t have that rugged, cowboy vibe Urick pushes at his house. The bed is covered in a light gray comforter. The bamboo shades are closed. I feel calmer as soon as he closes the door.

“You look exhausted,” Walla Walla says, cupping my face with his warm hands. “I want you to rest. I’ll get your bags. You should get into bed and close your eyes. Take a nap if possible.”

Walla Walla kisses me. The heat of his affection spreads over my every nerve, infecting me with hope. By the time his lips leave mine, I can barely stand.

“After you rest, I’ll show you around and introduce people,” Walla Walla explains, sounding so elated to be back home. “The attack by those assholes left us locked down. Until Yagger is out of the hospital and people feel safe, the Pigsty will be downright dull.”

Nodding, I can barely keep my eyes open. Walla Walla directs me to the bed, tugging back the blankets. I climb onto the mattress and kick off my shoes.

“I needed you to come with me,” he whispers in my ear after covering me up. “You’ve done the hard part. Now, we can get to know each other without pressure.”

Exhaling deeply is the last thing I remember before I crash. My earlier panic and sadness left me emptied out. If I weren’t so tired, I’d probably obsess over how I can’t function here.

Instead, I dream of riding my horses with the same ease as Walla Walla rode his motorcycle today.

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