“Your life here doesn’t suck, right? I mean you seemed happy when I saw you coming out of your clinic. If I turn out to be a dud and you return here, at least, you’ll know. Maybe you never found anyone else because you had me in mind. Once you decide I’m Mister Wrong, you can move on.”
“But you’re not a dud.”
“I know, but I’m trying to win this battle, so I’m willing to pretend I’m a loser.”
I smile at his honesty. Walla Walla seems like a natural-born leader. I assume his club president must be fearsome to make this impressive man submit.
As Walla Walla cradles my hand in his, I worry I’ll get squirmy or feel trapped like I would on dates. I’ve long been afraid to “lead on” a man like the ranch hands claimed I did years ago. They said Hunter and I were teases.
They were lying, of course. But the fear of leading on a man could be why I don’t like any of them touching me. Holding hands implies I want to have sex. A simple kiss hints I want to get laid. Smiling too much means I’m looking to go down on a guy. Every innocent gesture could be asking for trouble.
I don’t feel that way with Walla Walla. If I leave my hand in his, I know he won’t hurt me. Maybe that’s why I don’t get squirmy when I consider he might kiss me.
“I don’t think I need six months,” I say as his baby blues work their magic on me. “I’ll travel with you and Goose in a few days. But I don’t want to see my family.”
“The Halvorson men aren’t my problem. You are. I’ll keep you safe.”
As a child, I remember how Urick would promise he’d always protect me. I trusted him completely. When a horse got agitated during a ride, he calmly took charge and kept me from getting hurt.
That’s likely why I never worried for my safety at the ranch. The workers respected him. If my dad would face off against a powerful animal to protect me, I assumed he’d do the same with his ranch hands.
I’d been wrong about Urick. It’s possible my rose-colored glasses keep me from seeing Walla Walla clearly. He’s a biker. After killing those men at my clinic, he never seemed upset or shocked by the violence. That’s the world he knows. If he wanted to hurt me, I can’t imagine I’d have the power to stop him.
However, I choose to trust Walla Walla will keep his word to protect me. When his gaze holds mine, I feel stronger than I did before he joined me in the library.
The younger version of Austen was fearless. The newer one is a coward. Yet, maybe with Walla Walla’s help, the two sides of my heart can create a peaceful coexistence.
MARTIN
Austen’s moment of courage hits a wall as soon as she actually imagines herself traveling to McMurdo Valley. I see the exact moment when the panic hits. She stares into my eyes and wants to back out.
“Maybe you can convince Coco to come along,” I suggest before Austen asks to wait. “Goose thinks she’s hot, and I suspect Coco’s pigtail-pulling bit is her way of showing she’s interested.”
“Coco,” Austen says, unfreezing before my eyes. “I think she might agree. It’ll be like a vacation after the fire.”
“Why don’t you go track her down and sell the idea?” I ask and brush my fingers across her jaw.
Austen’s lips part in an extremely sexy way when she sighs. Yet, the panic in her eyes only increases. I’m a little worried once she’s out of my sight, she’ll backtrack on her big move.
“I’ll call my president and let him know I need another day or two before I can head back.”
“But you can’t stay longer,” Austen says, seeming to speak more to herself than me. “Things are precarious back in McMurdo Valley, and you need to leave.”
“And I want you to come with me.”
Austen is spiraling, thinking up reasons to remain snugly under her mother’s protective thumb. I understand her hang-ups better now. Bad shit touched Austen’s heart long ago, so she retreated from life. Most people react that way.
However, that’s never been how the Steel Berserkers live. I wouldn’t be breathing now, let alone rich, if we made safe choices.
Maybe that’s why I see nothing wrong with wrapping this stranger in my life and bringing her home with me.
Austen leaves me in the library while she goes to find Coco. When I call Ruin, Selene answers. His assistant always plays interference with people who might bother her man.
“I’ve met this crazy-hot woman,” I tell Selene when she asks how I’m doing. “I saw her long ago and wanted her. But life got in the way. Now, I’ve got my shot. Think you can explain my reasoning to Ruin, so he doesn’t ride my ass so hard?”
I hear Selene telling her man to stop riding my ass so much. She giggles and adds the only ass he should care about is hers. I assume he’s at home because I hear Joie talking to someone. Walker’s also doing his baby-barking thing that makes me think he’s half dog.
Finally, Ruin takes the phone and asks, “When are you coming back?”