Page 144 of My Lucky Charm

Scarlett brightens a bit at her new favorite nickname, but then starts crying again, her shoulders shaking.

I’m out of my depth here. I know what I’m thinking, and I know what I want to say—that I hate this separation too. That I hate the thought of Ted slipping into the role of Scarlett’s dad. That I won’t get to come home and find her there waiting for me—but I don’t know how to explain any of it.

Talking is hard.

Before I get a chance to get over myself and say something, Scarlett blurts out, “Can’t I just stay with you?”

Ugh. My chest aches. I wish she could just snap, make the decision, and be done with it.

“Mom is going to be all gooey over Ted anyway. She doesn’t need me hanging around.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” I tell her. “You know your mom getting married changes nothing about how she feels about you.”

Scarlett’s face is red and wet with tears. “She wants to pretend she’s young again because I ruined that for her.”

“No, she doesn’t, kid,” I say.

Scarlett glares up at me. “I heard her, Dad. She was on the phone with her friend Tammy. She said—” She raises her voice, as if to imitate Celeste, “I know it’s selfish, but I never got to do this when I was young. I had a baby to take care of.”

Eloise’s face falls, and I look away.

“Scarlett, she didn’t mean—” but what do I say? It was almost exactly what Celeste had said to me when she dropped Scarlett off to go get married. I understood where she was coming from, but it hadn’t occurred to me at the time that Scarlett might’ve heard this or that she’d take the entire situation differently.

I look at Eloise, who is much better with people than I am, and hope my eyes are pleading with her to intervene.

“Scarlett,” she says quietly. “Do you remember what I said about accidents? That all accidents aren’t mistakes?”

Scarlett nods.

“I meant that. And it’s the truth. You believe me, right?”

A pause. Then another nod.

“Your mom was really young when you were born, and she didn’t have a big, fancy wedding, and she didn’t have everything figured out, and babies are a blessing, but they need to eat and sleep and poop—” Scarlett giggles through her tears at that “—and need lots of love and attention. Just because you showed up early doesn’t mean she regrets having you.”

I would not be able to handle this moment if it were not for Eloise right now.

“But what if she does?” Scarlett still looks worried.

“She doesn’t,” I say. “I know that for a fact.”

“She told you that?” Her eyes are so wide, and it kills me to think she’s been feeling all of this for so long without saying anything.

“Are you kidding? We both look at you and think, ‘how did we get so lucky that she is our kid?’”

Scarlett sniffs, then deadpans, “You are pretty lucky.”

Eloise and I share a glance, both enamored with this precious almost eleven-year old.

“We are,” I say.

“I don’t want to be in the way,” she says.

This kid. This kid is breaking my heart.

“You could never be in the way.” I squeeze her hand. “For me or your mom.”

“I don’t feel in the way here,” she says. “Because when I’m not with you, I get to be with Eloise.”

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