Page 92 of The Broken Vows

His smile melts away, and I’m not sure why. Is it because I accidentally let an old endearment slip out, or is it the vow I made? “Don’t ever break this one,” he whispers, almost like he isn’t sure he wanted me to hear it.

“I won’t,” I promise. This promise won’t be hard to keep — there’s never been anyone but him. There never will be.

The way he glances at me over dinner tugs at my heartstrings, makes me long for more, makes me think he might want it too. Would Lily forgive me if I forgave him? She would understand how I feel more than anyone. I still remember how she worried she was being selfish when she wanted him and the happiness he brought her, and now I find myself in the same position. I want him — despite everything.

Zane leans back in his seat as our staff replace our plates before bringing in a cake that seems to be mostly made of fresh fruit, with one single candle on top. They place it in front of me, and Zane leans in, his expression conflicted as he rests his elbow on the table, his fist underneath his jaw. The look in his eyes holds me captive, and I’d give the world to know what he’s feeling right now. “Make a wish, Celestial.”

“What if I tell you you’re the only one who can make my wish come true?” My voice is soft, vulnerable, and I struggle to hold his gaze as the question hovers in the air between us.

“Then tell me your wish, and I’ll fulfill it.”

I stare at my husband, my breathing shallow. “I want you back.”

Zane’s eyes widen, and for a few moments, he looks entirely disarmed. My heart beats wildly as I wait for his answer, the air between us charged in a way it never has been before.

When he runs a hand through his hair and looks away, I’ve got my answer. I slip out of my seat before he can reject me, pushing aside my vulnerability in favor of bravery. Zane’s gaze roams over me as I push against his chair and make space for myself. He sighs softly when my hands wrap over his shoulder, his conflict evident as I slip onto his lap, straddling him.

My heart is racing as I cup his face and force him to look at me, my breathing ragged. “I want you back,” I repeat, my voice clear and confident. “I wantusback.”

Zane grabs my waist, his expression hardening, and I’m certain he’s about to push me away, but then he tightens his grip on me, his eyes shuttering closed as he drops his forehead to my shoulder. “That’s not possible, Celeste,” he whispers, his voice filled with regret.

I thread my hand through his hair, my touch gentle. “Look at me,” I plead. Zane pulls back, giving in to my request, his gaze conveying that he wishes he could deny me. I’ve never seen him look so tormented, and all it does is fuel my hope. “I love you, Zane. Despite everything, after all we’ve been through, I love you. I’ve fought it, hated myself for it, but I can’t change it. I love you, and I know I will until I take my last breath.” I place my palm over his heart, the way I always used to. “Can’t we just start over? I don’t want to live in the past anymore, Zane. I want the future we always thought we’d have.”

He searches my face, his breathing uneven. His expression tells me he wants this too. Zane might not be the man I used to know, but I still know him better than he thinks I do. “What about Lily?” he whispers, almost like he doesn’t dare say her name.

Pure agony courses through me, settling in my chest. My eyes fall closed, and I suck in a breath, gathering my courage. She’d never forgive the words I’m about to say, but I can’t contain them any longer. “She’s gone, Zane, but we’re still here, and somehow, despite everything standing between us, we found our way back to each other. That’s gotta count for something, right? It’s time I put her to rest. The Lily I used to know… I think she’d want me to be happy, and the truth is… without you, I can’t be. I love you, Zane, enough to forgive you.”

I’m meant to attend her memorial ceremony next week, and I plan to ask for her forgiveness then, but I also plan to say my final goodbyes. If I keep holding on to her the way I have been, it’ll continue to slowly kill me, and I just don’t believe she’d want that for me. She might not want to see me with Zane, but I think she’d understand. I hope she’d want me to be happy, and it’s becoming clear that I can’t be, not without him.

Zane tenses and locks his jaw, frustration marring his features. “We didn’t find our way back to each other, Celeste,” he says, his tone harsh. “We were forced together. The truth is, had I been given a choice, I’d never have chosen you. You say you forgive me? You can’t forgive me for something I didn’t do.” He lets go of me, his arms falling to his side. “I’m tired, Celeste. Tired of the blame, the broken trust. I’m tired of loving you more than you ever loved me.”

ChapterSeventy-Eight

Celeste

“I’m glad you could make it,” Lily’s father says as I enter the church. Fresh grief threatens to overwhelm me as I look around, and I draw a steadying breath. This is where we held her funeral too, and all of a sudden, it feels like I’m back in the past, in those moments when we were told her body had been found.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Raymond,” I murmur, forcing a smile, guilt settling in my chest. The truth is I nearly hadn’t made it at all, and if not for the remorse following the mere thought of wanting to move on, I wouldn’t be here. It’s sickening how badly I want to forget, when I once promised myself I never would.

Raymond nods at me, his own expression haunted. “I didn’t think you’d come, not now you’re married to Zane Windsor.”

My entire body goes rigid, and my eyes snap to his. Pure dread settles in the pit of my stomach, blending with something akin to bitterness. “Did you know?” I ask, my tone sharper than I’d intended. “About them?”

I never told him what Lily told me, didn’t have it in me to admit I’d been part of the reason he lost his daughter. It was pure selfishness — I couldn’t handle the shame, the weight of my sins. Couldn’t look him in the eye and tell him I was the reason she chose to jump when, for years, I’d been the reason she didn’t. That night, every attempt at reassurance only drove her closer to the edge, fueling her guilt.

Raymond searches my face, his expression pained. “You’re still okay to speak, aren’t you? You and I are the people who loved her the most. You’re one of the few people who remember her the way I wanted her to be remembered, as the beautiful soul she was, however broken she might have been at times.”

His reluctance to answer my question is an answer in itself, and I lower my gaze. “Of course,” I tell him, my voice breaking. “I’d be honored.”

He nods and gestures toward the front of the church, leading me toward it. With every step I take, my heartache intensifies. I meant what I said when I told Zane I’d forgive him, but standing here, with a beautiful photo of Lily in the same church we said our goodbyes in… it just makes me feel like I’m betraying her by standing here as CelesteWindsor. This is why she chose to part with me — because she couldn’t bear to watch me marry Zane, and in the end, that’s exactly what I did.

The worst part is I don’t regret it. Not anymore. Even as I stand in front of a crowd of familiar faces with Lily’s photo by my side, I can’t find it in me to feel bad for trying to choose happiness after years of pure devastation. Would she find me selfish? Would she condemn me for my choices? I’d be lying if I said I’m not ashamed of my own weakness, of forgiving Zane for something I’ve always found unforgivable. I guess she did know how our story would go — she’d seen me forgive him for years of pain once before, and here I am, doing it again. When she told me she’d never seen me love anyone the way I loved Zane, she was right.

I take a deep breath before addressing those who have gathered to honor her memory, feeling entirely unqualified to stand here. Out of everyone here, I’m the one who has the least right to speak of her like I don’t betray her with every heartbeat.

“Liliana was my best friend, and the closest thing to a sister I had growing up,” I say, my voice trembling. “Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. She wasn’t the kind of person you forget easily. When Lily walked into a room, she’d light it up with her smile within seconds, and she’d make you feel so at ease, almost instantly. That was one of her qualities I always loved most, the way she cared so deeply about everyone around her. She was always the one that made sure everyone felt included, and not a day went by without her reminding me that I mattered.”

I stare at the cue cards in my hands, my vision swimming with tears. “When the pain becomes too heavy to carry, I think of our best memories, and it always helps lessen the grief just a little. It reminds me of the impact she had on my life, of the legacy she left behind.” I watch as several people dab away tears, some people we went to high school with, some Lily met at the various charities she volunteered at. “My favorite memory is one from university. We both studied in London, and while we were in England, she’d often tempt me into joining one of her many impulsive road trips. On one of those trips, we found ourselves in a city called Liverpool.”

---