Page 36 of Guarded Love

They were probably the only part of her that was real, though something told me Evelyn wouldn’t appreciate the correction. “I’m sorry I didn’t put your feelings first while I was dealing with seeing my ex-wife for the first time in ages. Totally by surprise, completely unannounced. But sure. Let’s talk about howyourfeelings were hurt.”

“Why don’t you go off to that party she was going to? I know that’s where you would rather be.”

“Fuck that. If that’s what you think I’d rather be doing, you don’t know the first damn thing about me and you never will.”

“You can say that all you want, but I know better.”

“How many times do I have to say it? I was out with you tonight because I wanted to be with you.”

“Throwing a little pity my way?”

“Why are you doing this?” I demanded while closing in on her. “Why are you pushing me away from you?”

Her gaze dropped to my shoes while her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t know that was what I was doing.”

“Well, it sure as hell is. I’ve only tried to…”

Her head snapped up. “What? You’ve only tried to what? Be a nice guy? Do your friend a favor? Get your dick wet while you’re at it?”

I thought we had come so far. I thought we were past all this bullshit. The fighting and the bitching, the constant back-and-forth. Never knowing where I stood. Living in a perpetual state of bracing myself for the next sarcastic quip. “What is this really all about?” I asked rather than exploding. One of us needed to be calm, and it was obvious it wasn’t going to be her.

“I already told you. This has been fun, but I’m going back to Boston once Barrett comes back. I’ll go back to seeing my doctor up there. You can go back to…” She scoffed. “Yourusualwomen.”

I didn’t buy it. She was trying too hard to piss me off. “Would you talk to me? Drop the bullshit. Drop the attitude. We’re better than this. I know we are.”

“It must be nice to have that kind of confidence.” She rolled her shoulders back, lifting her chin. “I wouldn’t know.”

She turned back toward the window. “We have to stop kidding ourselves. I think seeing her tonight was a good thing. An important thing. It gave me a little perspective.”

“Perspective on what?”

“On who you are and who I am. I am always going to be the girl on the outside.”

“Only if you want to be.”

“You think I want to be?” Her voice blasted through the otherwise silent penthouse, echoing so loudly that I winced. But it was her reflection in the window that made my breath catch. Fury—that was the only word for it. All-consuming fury. Years worth. She wasn’t a goddess or an empress or any of the other words I had used to describe her, if only in my head. She was sheer fury given life. She was a Valkyrie, an angel of death, ready to burn down the world.

And fuck, did I want her. I would have dropped to my knees and pledged my sword if we were in some medieval story. I would’ve offered her everything, all of me.

If only she would’ve accepted it.

“My whole life. My whole. Damn. Life.” She banged the rubber covered tips of her crutches on the floor to punctuate each word. “Ever since I was little. Do you want to hear what my childhood was like? Both me and my brother, though it was twice as bad for me because the man who happened to fuck my mother was a raging, hate-filled, brutal misogynist?”

Wait. That wasn’t right. Barrett had never said a word about what she was referring to. “What are you saying?”

“I am saying that man did not let a day go by without hurting me. Hating me. And my mother, by the way, in case you get the idea he wasn’t generous with his brutality. You know, he once asked me to make him a cup of tea, then poured it over my head because it was too hot.”

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think.

Barrett never told me.

“Then there was the time he shoved me down the stairs from behind. No reason. I was carrying a basket of laundry down to the washing machine, and he put a hand in the middle of my back, pushing as hard as he could. I was holding the basket, so I couldn’t catch myself. I was ten years old, putting makeup on before going to school so the kids wouldn’t see the bruises. Wearing long sleeves in hot weather. Bandaging my wrists when he grabbed too hard or twisted sharply enough.” A tear ran down her cheek, sparkling in the lights from surrounding buildings, but she ignored it. “Then, there was his vocabulary. He probably couldn’t read beyond a third-grade level, but he knew plenty of words. Would you like to hear them?”

“Evelyn…” I murmured as I reached her side.

“Ugly. Stupid. Fat ass. That was one of his favorites, by the way. So what if I couldn’t control my frame? I didn’t ask to be built the way I was. He made sure to monitor every bite of food I ate. If he thought I had enough? He would take the plate and throw it in the sink, or trash, or on the floor. It didn’t matter whether or not I was still hungry.” Her voice went deep. “I don’t work all day to have some fat ass eat all the food I buy.” She growled before blurting out a strained laugh.

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