Page 23 of Guarded Love

There was the pain.

Right on schedule.

I groaned softly as a twinge of pain pulled me out of what was otherwise a decent sleep. It was so good that I was surprised to open my eyes and see how light the sky was beyond the windows. I didn’t know I had slept that long. A glance at my phone told me it was already past eight o’clock.

I was much less groggy than I had been, the last of the anesthesia having worked its way out of my system.

In moments like this, I wished I had someone with me to help a little. Just to clean up, like the containers from last night’s dinner. I had been in need of a little comfort, and a big, steaming container of pho with all the add-ons was just what the doctor ordered. The remnants littered the nightstand, and I was already hungry for breakfast.

I had gotten through this before and would get through it again. So long as I didn’t put too much weight on my right foot, especially if I kept my heel off the floor. The ball of my foot was one thing, but the heel would engage too many muscles and stretch what was supposed to be healing.

I couldn’t take a pill for the pain or an antibiotic for that matter until I had food in my stomach. I’d been through it before. I didn’t want to waste the medication by throwing it up because it upset my empty stomach.

What mattered more than anything at that moment was a shower, though. I felt soiled and nasty after surgery. I was strong enough to handle it and had my trusty plastic wrap to keep my incision dry.

After sitting up and carefully lowering my legs over the side of the king-size bed, I hiked up my nightgown. Everything looked all right, which was a real relief. I had gone through infections and torn stitches. Neither of which were very fun.

Another thing that wasn’t very fun was thinking about Magnus. It was starting to get old, the way my subconscious insisted on returning to him time and time again. When I woke up alone in bed, I didn’t know what to do with myself. On the one hand, he must’ve carried me up here while I was unconscious. Let’s face it, there was something distinctly swoon-worthy about that. Being taken care of. He had even tucked me in.

On the other? My pride reared up right on schedule. There he was, thinking he could be kind, then abandon me. Yet another reminder of how weak I was. How I couldn’t take care of myself, how I was somebody to be pitied and sheltered. Not a real woman. Not even a real person.

But he had sure looked at me like I was a real woman, hadn’t he?

It was all too much. I would drive myself insane if I didn’t stop obsessing, but it’s not as if I had much else to do. Plenty of books, sure, and television to watch. It wasn’t easy to concentrate, though. That was the problem. Everything about Magnus was a problem.

Once I was confident with my wrapping job, I used my cane to stand and cross the room, leading into the splashy en-suite bathroom with all of its bells and whistles. It was like stepping into a spa with a deep, soaking tub and a glass-walled shower big enough to fit at least six people. Who needed that much space to take a shower? There was a dual vanity and heated floors that felt pretty pleasant under my bare feet, the whole nine yards.

It was all proof of how far Barrett had come. And he had taken me with him. Not all brothers would do that, but then, not all brothers felt guilty about their sister being shot either. All these years later, there were still times I worried he blamed himself. It didn’t matter how much time had passed or what I said, he was determined to blame himself for something completely out of his control. In the end, he only wanted to stop the violence, the pain, and fear. The misery that had been our lives under Dad’s tyranny.

I shook off the memory while turning on the shower, which was a little precarious since it meant leaning in and using my cane for balance. For one second, I thought,maybe I should wait.It wasn’t like I had anybody to impress. Since I had showered before leaving for the hospital, I would be okay if I held off. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to wash all of it off me. This surgery was supposed to be what set my life on a new path. I didn’t want any part of it left on me besides the sutures holding my wound closed.

I left the cane close to the hinged glass door and stood with my right side away from the water, hoping to keep my leg as dry as possible. Then I accidentally squirted shampoo on the wet tile floor and slipped. One second, I was on one foot, leaning against the wall for support. The next, I was on my ass, aching where I had struck the floor. My shoulder and elbow hurt after landing hard.

A pained, frustrated sob tore its way out of me.

Damn leg.

Damn gunshot wound.

Damn scars.

Damn everything that had kept me from being a normal person for fifteen years.

I slapped my palm against the wet tile while warm water cascaded over me. I had to get up, but it seemed more important at the moment to be a baby and wallow for a while. It was very rare that I ever allowed myself to do that.

“Hello?”

What the hell?My heart clenched, and my breath caught. I scrambled around frantically, trying to find my way to my feet because I knew that voice.

“I-I’m in the shower!” I shouted to Magnus, who I prayed was not approaching the bathroom. “I’m fine! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if you were okay on my way to the gym. Is that a crime?”

Did he live anywhere near here? Was it on the way? I was curious but didn’t have it in me to ask. Not when the very real threat of him walking in and finding me helpless on the floor seemed like a much bigger deal.

“Thank you!” I tried to stand, but it was too awkward. I couldn’t put any weight on my right foot. The floor was so slippery that I couldn’t get traction.

“So, are you okay?”

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