Page 51 of Guarded Love

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The thingabout attending such a big party was how easy it could be to blend into the background whenever I felt overwhelmed. I definitely felt overwhelmed within minutes of stepping into the luxurious apartment, already crammed full of people. So very many, and they were all so beautiful.

I could be beautiful, too. Magnus had told me so. I might have lost him if I ever had him to begin with, but I could take that with me. He thought I was beautiful, so maybe I was. Maybe that was the whole point of us being together. It wasn’t meant to be forever, and neither of us had ever used that word. He had changed my life anyway. He’d opened my eyes to all the stories I’d told myself and revealed how false and empty they were. I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life tied down to the ugly ideas that were planted in my head.

If only I could’ve thanked him for that.

I was walking a lot better as I slowly made my way around, looking for familiar faces. There were gorgeous models as far as the eye could see. Clearly, Ari played a role in the guest list. I forced myself to smile and nod rather than ducking my head, feeling like a troll. Funny, but everybody seemed pretty friendly. At least there was no obvious judgment.

I ran my hands over the front of my new dress, de la Renta, sleeveless, with an A-line skirt that flared out a little at the knee. The whole dress was overlaid with bright pink lace that I knew made me stand out, but that was the general idea. I was finally breaking out of my shell. No more hiding.

From the way Lourde almost screamed when she caught sight of me, I had clearly made the right choice. “You are gorgeous! Oh my God, look at you!” She flung her arms around me and squeezed tight. “You’re so beautiful. How are you feeling?”

Like my heart is nothing but a piece of charcoal. Like I’d kill to see Magnus again and crumple up in a weepy ball if he walked through the door.Something told me she didn’t want to hear that, especially on such a happy occasion. “Pretty good. The doctor seems happy with my progress, and my therapist doesn’t think I’ll need many more appointments.”

Pepper scrambled over in time to hear the last part and pumped her fist into the air before giving me a tight hug of her own. “Look at you, sexy mama!”

“Not really,” I insisted while blushing to the roots of my hair. I was going to have to get used to praise.

“Good to see you.” Connor handed me a glass of champagne. “In case you were wondering, the world’s most arrogant and pigheaded brother is in the kitchen at the moment. You know, if you would rather avoid him.”

“Thanks. I think I would.” The first glass of champagne went down nice and smooth. I’d probably need at least another one or two before I could face Barrett. Knowing him, it wouldn’t matter in the slightest that I had no desire to speak to him.Since when had my feelings mattered?

Lourde tapped a finger against her chin. “Funny, but I seem to remember another pigheaded brother. Maybe you can remind me because I’m having trouble remembering the name.”

“That was different. You’re just a kid. Evelyn’s a grown woman.” Connor winked in a friendly sort of way. “Who, by the way, is looking great. Glad everything went well.”

Not quite everything, but I smiled. “Thank you. I’m feeling a lot better.” It was sort of a relief when Olivia and Ari found us to take the whole attention off me. We did the whole squealing, hugging thing again. I had to get used to talking about myself, too, having the attention on me.

“Let’s see that rock in person.” I held out a hand, and Olivia placed hers on top so I could admire her ring.

“I still feel like I’m dreaming,” she admitted with a soft laugh. Once I pried my eyes off the spectacular diamond, I met her teary gaze. “Sorry. I’m a little emotional.”

“Are you happy?” I asked.

“Beyond.”

“That’s all I need to hear. I’m so happy for you.” I was. Really. She deserved all the joy in the world. They both did. My aching heart had nothing to do with it.

“How about you?” She pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, “You okay? You want me to introduce you to a few guys around here?”

It was one thing to wear a colorful dress and draw attention to myself. It was another to meet new men. “Ask me again once I’ve had more champagne,” I suggested with a laugh I didn’t feel.

She saw through me. “You don’t have to meet anybody. There’s no pressure. But you look too damn good to hang around in the corner all night. You’d better shake your ass tonight.” She wiggled her hips a little like she was demonstrating for me.

“Ooh! Are we dancing? Come on!” Pepper bounced over and took us both by our arms, then dragged us to the middle of the room. It wasn’t exactly a dance floor, but there was plenty of space, and the music did have a good beat.

“We have a lot to celebrate tonight!” Lourde joined us, arms in the air. She made it easier to loosen up and let go of the last scraps of dread I was wearing like a shroud. It was time to throw off the veil and be free. To hell with overbearing brothers and men who used the word love, then disappeared for a week. He probably wished he hadn’t said it.

The coward.

The coward I loved.

Damn.I had to get him out of my head. Maybe taking Olivia up on her offer and meeting somebody new tonight wouldn’t be a bad idea. It didn’t have to be anything serious. A casual hook-up. Wasn’t that how it worked? I had a lot of lost time to make up for.

Even though I knew damn well nobody would ever measure up to Magnus, I also knew I didn’t have a lot of men to compare him to. With my limited experience, he could’ve been nothing. Not very special. Average.

Right. Keep kidding yourself.

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