Page 29 of Guarded Love

I howled, clenching up for a heartbeat before the wave broke over me, so big it pulled me under and held me there while Magnus’s tongue continued delving through my most intimate places. He wouldn’t stop, even when I tugged on his hair, sobbing in mixed ecstasy and anguish. It was too much, all of it. It went on and on, threatening to tear me apart.

Something was breaking inside me. Something I had fought so hard for so long to hold together. When it came out, when it all rushed to the surface and poured from me, it was in the form of wracking sobs. True release, body and soul, so powerful I was helpless against it.

Somewhere in the mix, he stopped, crawling up the length of my body and hovering on top of me like he was worried. “Why are you crying? Are you hurt?”

It was the strangest thing. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to, I knew I should, but the floodgates were open. There was no closing them. I could only shake my head hard to rid him of the notion that he had harmed me somehow, then fight to get myself under control.

“Wow.” He rolled to the side and rested his head on his bent arm while I sniffled and gasped for air. Tears were still running down the sides of my face and soaking into my hair. “I knew I was good, but I didn’t think I was that good.” When I turned my head, looking at him in confusion, he smirked. “I never made a woman come so hard, she cried.”

He would take it as a compliment, wouldn’t he? “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You worried me a little. I wouldn’t say I was scared.” He reached out and used his thumb to wipe away what was rolling down my skin. “Are you all right?”

The powerful emotion had already started to subside. “I’m fine. Just overwhelmed, I guess. I never had that happen before.”

“Then nobody ever ate you out properly before.”

I was willing to go with that explanation, even if it didn’t quite cover the full truth. I never thought a man like him would ever want a woman like me. That he would pleasure me not just willingly but enthusiastically. He took my pleasure personally, like he was determined to make me come or die trying.

I had been alone for so long. I would’ve bet that had something to do with it.

“I guess not. I’m… not super experienced. Not a virgin or anything, but not…” It was too embarrassing. I wished I had never started talking. Why was I explaining myself?

“It’s all right. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“Can I ask you something?” He grunted. “Did you really have sex with two models last night?”

He arched an eyebrow. “And if I did?”

“It doesn’t matter.” It mattered very much. “I’m only curious.”

There was a painful moment of silence before he shook his head. “No. I was only saying that to get a reaction out of you. Last night, I went out.” He took a strand of my hair and began wrapping it around his finger. “I was determined to get laid. I thought about calling Connor and Ari, then decided not to. It was going to be a night for me to get a little wild, and they don’t do that sort of wild shit anymore. But my heart wasn’t in it. I went home alone, jerked off, went to bed.”

He sighed, letting my hair trail between his fingers before stroking my cheek instead. “You see, there was this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. There’s nobody else like her. All I could do was wonder if she was okay, if she needed anything, and if I should check on her. It was pretty pathetic, to be honest with you.”

What he called pathetic, was enough to make my heart stop, my chest tighten, and my body go warm with satisfaction. It was because of me. I was so wrong about him, about us. How could I have been so wrong?

“The bad stuff is easier to believe.”

I didn’t know I’d said it out loud until his brows knitted together. “What does that mean?”

“It means it’s not easy to believe good things about yourself when somebody told you so many bad things for so long.”

“Who did that to you?”

It wasn’t my secret to tell. Not completely. I knew that, even if Barrett had never come out and explicitly forbade me from telling the truth to his friends. About how I ended up with a bullet in my leg. How I ended up the way I was. I wouldn’t betray him while lying naked with an impossibly gorgeous, surprisingly warm, and understanding man. “Let’s just say I dealt with more than my share of bullies growing up. Once they decide there’s something about you they don’t like, they never let you forget it. I mean, I was never built like other girls. I always felt awkward and clumsy. I never fit in. Over time, I felt more and more separate… different. I meant it when I said I would never feel like Lourde, Pepper, or Olivia. I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could.”

“Who says you have to be like anybody?” The funny part was he believed that. He was fully sincere, searching my face like he was looking for understanding.

I had to find a gentle way to say this. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, not then. Not ever again. “I think it might be easier when you grow up with a lot of money. You don’t have to worry about what people think about you. It’s like you have a shield.”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully before nodding. “You know what? You’re right. I’m not going to bother pretending you aren’t. I’ve always been able to say fuck it, who cares, it doesn’t matter. Even if it does.”

When I frowned, he explained, “It bothered the hell out of me the way you treated me.” Before I could apologize or explain, a wicked light flickered in his eyes, and he rolled me onto my back. “But it turned me on too.”

Just like he was turning me on. Then again, he didn’t have to try. All it took was the heat from his body pressed against mine, all muscle and strength, and I was an achy, needy mess, so hungry for his touch. His kiss. His everything.

“Nightstand.” My voice came out all breathy as he pulled the air from my lungs.

---