Page 105 of Dirty Saint

He knocked a few more times, cursing under his breath outside my door and shuffling his feet before he left. He stomped down the stairs, and the building seemed to shake with his steps. The roar of his motorcycle as he pulled away from my apartment complex sent a wave of melancholy through me.

“Guess that’s over, huh?” Gracie said behind me, scaring me.

I spun around and covered my racing heart with my palm but didn’t answer her question. I should have known she was up. It was a school morning, after all.

However, I was surprised she was talking to me.

“He was just here with you the other night. What happened, and why are you suddenly ignoring him?”

I couldn’t tell her the truth. “I’m not ready for anything serious right now,” I lied.

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t believe me. “Right. You’re so full of shit, Tori.”

I gasped at her words.

“What is going on with you, Gracie? Why are you being like this?”

She shrugged, pulling open the refrigerator and taking a swig straight from the milk carton.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She shoved the carton back in the refrigerator and left the room, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

My little sister was changing drastically. She had gone from a straight-A student and a sweetheart to a typical angry teenager. She had treated me like shit since the moment I told her she wasn’t allowed at The Strip. She was no longer the caring girl who sat and watchedTitanicwith tears in her eyes. In a matter of a couple of weeks, she was someone else entirely. I hadn’t realized it because we weren’t talking much, and I was spending a lot of time with Koah, but Gracie was going through something.

I wasn’t sure about her grades because she hadn’t brought home a progress report in a long while. I would need to check that. But something was going on, and it was time I stopped worrying about my happiness so much and figured out what was wrong with Gracie.

Pulling away from Koah had come at the right time. I needed to focus on Gracie and separate myself to keep Koah’s life as it was. It was the right thing to do. At some point, he would give up on me. That was how relationships typically went. We were in the new phase. It wouldn’t always be wonderful, and he wouldn’t always be the amazing man he was. It would kill me when that time came, and breaking my own heart now was better than tearing apart his friendships or losing Koah later.

Gracie’s door flew open again, and I turned to see her coming out with her bookbag on her back and a large duffel in her hand.

“Since when do you need to take a duffel to school?” I asked.

She paused, putting a hand on her hip. “Since today. Is that a problem?”

I swallowed. I wanted to go through the duffel and see what she was hiding, but she was already mad at me for making her stay away from The Strip. So instead, I asked, “Is there anything bad in the duffel?”

She rolled her eyes, annoyed with me. “No, Tori. There’s nothing bad in the duffel. Just some clothes I borrowed from Hilary.”

Hilary was Gracie’s friend from school, and it made sense that they borrowed clothes and stuff. They were the same size, and Sadie and I did the same. Well, I borrowed her clothes. Mine weren’t worth borrowing.

I nodded. “Okay. Have a good day at school.”

She walked past me and opened the door, leaving without responding.

I spent the day locked in my apartment. I kept myself busy, but every time my phone went off with a text, I shoved it away without reading it. I was waiting for the moment Koah showed up at my job. I wasn’t sure what to do when that happened, but I knew Koah would want to know what was happening before he let me go. I would have to break things off face-to-face, and I knew that would be harder than hiding and hoping he went away.

I skipped that afternoon’s shift instead of going in and facing Koah. I hated to skip work since we needed the money, but I wasn’t ready to see him. I didn’t feel strong enough to walk away when I knew what he did to me mentally and physically every time I was in his presence.

I cooked dinner for Gracie and me, checking my phone when a text or call came through, but only in case it was Gracie. Whenever Koah’s name danced across the screen, I swiped it away, my heart breaking each time. If it weren't for Gracie, I would have turned it on silent or off. She was running late getting home from school, but sometimes, she went to the library after class. However, when night settled over the city, I called her only to find out she was staying the night at her friend’s house again.

I was angry that she had made that decision without speaking with me, but I let her stay because I knew once she got home, we would have a long talk, and there would be no more spending the night with her friends. At least not until she was back to her old self. It would be hard. Gracie wasn’t a baby and had a mind of her own, but something had to give.

I wrapped our dinner, put it in the refrigerator, and went to bed. I slept like shit, tossing, turning, and wishing Koah was there with me. I needed his arms around me—his body close to mine—holding me and making me feel safe and treasured. It didn’t help that my sheets smelled like him. If I wanted to stick with my plan to stay away, I would need to launder my bedding as soon as possible.

THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Gracie didn’t come home from school again. I tried calling and checking on her, but she didn’t answer. I considered skipping work again until she came home or I heard from her, but two days in a row might be too much. I didn’t want to lose another job, and I had to trust that even though she hadn’t been herself lately, she was smart enough not to get into any real trouble.

So I dressed for work and waited until I was close to being late before I called a final time and left her a voicemail asking her to call me as soon as possible. I also wrote a lengthy note asking her to stay home until I returned, just in case her phone died.

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