Page 85 of Thick & Thin

“I used to love you, too,”Josh slurred, his eyes closing as he slowly passed out on my couch. “I loved you so fucking much, Jenny.”

And then he was out, snoring louder than was normal and leaving my heart feeling as though it had a massive papercut.

I moved away from the couch and covered my mouth to keep the cry of anguish from sounding. Three years’ worth of hurt came rushing to the surface as I stared down at the man I’d loved for almost all of my life—the father of my son—the only man to every own me completely.

I collapsed in my dad’s chair and sat and watched him sleep for longer than I wanted to admit. When he slept, he looked like my Josh. My old friend and the boy I fell in love with. The softness around his lips reminded me of all the smiles he used to give me, and when his brows weren’t pulled down in anger, I could almost see him floating down the St. John’s River with his eyes closed and his face turned toward the sun.

God, I missed him.

Not the man lying in front of me on my couch, but the boy I loved so long ago and grieved for every day.

When I had my fill of looking at Josh, I called his mom and left her a message to let her know he was at my place and safe. Then I retrieved a blanket from the linen closet and covered him before I returned to my bed.

At first, I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was that Josh was just a few feet away from me in my living room. So close yet so far away. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there wide-awake, but the next thing I knew, the sun was peeking through my curtains, and Caleb was coming into my room and jumping on my bed.

“Time to get up, Mommy!” he sang, jumping at my side and shaking my bed.

I rolled over and covered my face with the pillow. “Ten more minutes,” I whined, making Caleb drop to his knees laughing as he tried to pry the pillow away from my face.

I had almost forgotten that Josh was passed out on my couch, but by the time we got out of bed and went into the kitchen, my couch was empty, and the blanket I had covered Josh with the night before was folded neatly and resting on the back of the couch.

He had left, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he would remember everything he said the night before because I wasn’t going to forget it anytime soon.

Lilly picked Caleb up from the garage when she dropped Devin off, and while Daddy and Devin spent most of the day changing oil, I changed tires instead of sitting in the office and thinking. Turned out, thinking was terrible for me these days. All I could think about was Josh. His parents. The fact that he was Caleb’s father, and that the truth had to come out at some point.

The town would know. People would talk. There was no telling what kind of stories would be told about me, and honestly, I didn’t care. I just didn’t want things to affect my son. Caleb wasn’t handling Mr. Black’s death well, and I wasn’t sure what else he could take.

After I wrapped up at the garage and cleaned my office a bit, I got into my car and left for the day. Instead of heading straight to Lilly and Devin’s place to pick up Caleb, I started toward Josh’s house. Not that I wanted to see him. If anything, I was hoping he wouldn’t be there, but I did want to check in on Mrs. Black.

His truck wasn’t in the driveway when I pulled up, and I sighed in relief. I wasn’t in the mood for any of his shit. Even though the last time I had seen him, he was drunk and talking about love, and the time before that, he was being sweet to Caleb and had asked me to go with him to Player’s Place. More than likely, he had wanted to get me out of his mom’s house so he could torment me some more.

I cut the engine to my car, grabbed my cell from the passenger seat in case I was there longer than I wanted to be, and I started toward the front door. Ralph, Mr. Black’s old dog, was lying on the porch, and his ears lifted when I stepped onto the wooden front porch. The plants on the porch had recently been watered, and some of the excess water was still dripping from the hanging plants beside the front door.

The wind blew a bit, making her windchimes sing, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound. It had always been a favorite of mine. I reached up to knock, but before I could, I saw that the door was left a tiny bit ajar, which seemed weird to me.

“Mrs. Black?” I called out.

I hated walking into other people’s houses unannounced, but worry was simmering in the bottom of my stomach.

Using a single finger, I pushed on the door, and it opened a bit more, the hinges creaking and cracking slowly with its movement. It was then I saw Mrs. Black’s legs. She was wearing shorts and her pale legs seemed even lighter against the dark fabric of her clothes. Her flip-flops rested on the floor beside her feet as if they had fallen off when she fell.

I pushed the door open and ran inside to find her lying on her back in the middle of the living room. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly open. She was pale as if her soul had already escaped, and she was only a shell of the woman she used to be. My old CPR class came to mind, the information I had learned rushed into my brain, and I went to work without a second thought.

I checked for a pulse but didn’t feel anything. I grabbed my cell, and my fingers slid over the screen as I quickly dialed 911. Putting my cell on speaker, I set it to the side and went to work. I breathed for her, used my hands to press into her and made her heart beat for her. I did this as I spoke to the operator who picked up my call.

I gave her the address and began to tell her everything she needed to know.

“I found her on the floor. She’s not breathing, and she doesn’t have a pulse. I’m doing CPR now. Please send someone. Please hurry. Please!”

I continued to work, listening to the operator and responding between breaths and pumps. Sweat slid over my top lip, and I swiped it away. I could feel it also beading around my hairline, but I ignored it. All that mattered was trying to get Mrs. Black back. We couldn’t lose her too. We needed her. I needed her. Caleb would never make it through her loss especially so close to losing Mr. Black, and Josh … well, there was no telling what Josh would do. He was already jaded, slicing into me every chance he got. I worried if he lost his mother, as well, the boy he used to be would truly never return.

Minutes passed, my arms began to burn, and my knees throbbed from sitting on them. I thought I heard sirens in the distance, but no matter how exhausted I was, I didn’t stop. I kept pushing, breathing, and counting. Doing all the things I could think to do until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“We’ll take it from here.”

I looked up to find an EMT smiling sadly down at me. He was holding a large black duffel bag in his hand, and another EMT was approached from behind him.

I slid to the side, my fingers numb, and my mind spinning as the EMTs took over. It wasn’t until then I realized I was crying, the tears dripping down my cheeks and dropping on the front of my shirt. I swiped at my tears and sniffled, and I didn’t feel like I was breathing again until I heard one of them say, “I have a pulse.”

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