Page 67 of Thick & Thin

Still, I had one thing he didn’t, and I let that keep me from putting my head down in defeat.

I had our son.

Caleb would keep me floating. I couldn’t sink when he needed me in his life.

“Yeah.” He leaned back, pulled out his wallet, and tossed a bill onto the counter to tip the bartender. “See you around, Michaels.”

His use of my last name was impersonal and cold. I hated it.

“Yeah. Hopefully not, Black.”

And then he was gone, leaving me breathless and emotionally exhausted.

I hated him, but I hated myself even more because even though he had struck me in my weak spot and said some of the most hateful things a person had ever said to me, there was a soft spot in my broken heart that still loved Joshua Black.

22

Josh

Jenny was no longer a small girl. She had blossomed and filled in, in all the right places. Her body was thicker, her breasts larger, and she had curves that begged me to trail them with my tongue.

Even though words ripe with cruelty spewed from my lips and targeted her, hurting her the way she had hurt me three years ago, my body was screaming an entirely different set of words. Words like ache.

Hard.

Wet.

Soft.

Fuck.

Commenting on her weight gain was an asshole move. The second the words left my lips, I wanted to snatch them out of the air around us and melt them away. They were lies to hurt her, but the truth was, her body was even more beautiful. She wasn’t naked, but I didn’t need to see what was beneath her clothes to know I wanted to feel it against my naked body. Her flesh on mine. My lips on hers.

My eyes had dipped down her back, taking in the curve of her ass and the width of her hips, and my fingers ached to grip onto her, dig into her plump flesh, and lose myself in her. There was so much I could do with a body like hers, but fuck that.

My body could have all the cravings it wanted. It could desire the impossible until there wasn’t breath left in my body. It didn’t matter because there was no way I would fall prey to that heartless bitch again. And even though her eyes had screamed innocence, reminding me of the heart she used to be possess and the honest soul she kept tucked away in her being, that was exactly what she was now.

Heartless.

Careless.

And as much as I hated to think it … a bitch.

Only a bitch would have burned me so badly before.

I wanted to say more to her. Break her down and squish her in my fist and hear her cry out when I pulled her to my body, but thankfully, Ashley had come to my rescue. She had stopped me from saying things that swam through my mind, and I was able to walk away before I did something I would regret even more than mentioning her newly gained curves. Something like reach out and touch her cheek or spew more hateful words I didn’t really mean.

I walked away from Jenny the way I had all those many years ago knowing I needed to stay away, but even though I hated her with a passion that burned like a thousand Hells, I missed her. I missed our friendship. Her smile. Her touch. I needed the security of my best friend, but my friend was long gone, and in her stead was a beautiful woman with a cold dead heart.

It didn’t matter that she was flushed with heat in her cheeks. It didn’t matter that I could feel the warmth from her body brushing against me with how close I was to her. She was cold inside. The outside was a mirage—a treat for a thirsty, starving man—and I wasn’t about to fall for that trick.

Jenny had once owned my heart and soul. I had once wanted her more than anything, but life was a cruel, heartless bitch, and even if Jenny hadn’t destroyed my metaphorical heart, mentally and physically, I was no longer whole. I wouldn’t wish myself on my worst enemy, which these days just so happened to be the woman I was once madly in love with.

By the time I dropped Ashley at her hotel, which she was adamant about staying in, and made it back, the house was quiet. Everyone was asleep. Genie had stayed over; I could tell by the dolls and plastic tea sets scattered on the floor. Her girls, my nieces, were a joy. I hated that I had stayed away for so long. I missed their birth and the first couple of years of their lives. They were identical twins, who strangely looked a lot like me, and they were full of enough energy to run a large powerplant.

I picked up their mess so my mom wouldn’t have to the next morning, and then I went into the kitchen to get myself a bottle of water. I hadn’t drunk a lot at Sprints. I wasn’t much for drinking anymore, but I needed something to numb me. As it turned out, no amount of beer could have prepared me for the day I had or the moment I ran into Jenny fucking Michaels.

23

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