Page 60 of Thick & Thin

She played on her phone, texting I was sure, while I locked up and set the new alarm system on the building. Once I was done, I texted Devin that I was all closed, and we started toward our cars.

“Texting Devin?” she asked, her eyes wide and her smile secretive.

“Let it go, Amy. This isn’t high school. Devin’s married and so fucking in love with Lilly he can’t see straight.”

She laughed. “I know. I know. Oh!” she exclaimed, reaching out and grabbing my arm. “Speaking of high school. I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you. I saw Josh Black in town today.”

I sucked in a breath at the mention of his name.

He was back.

He wasn’t in the military anymore. He had gotten out right after he was injured, but still, he stayed away from Walterboro working a farm out west instead of being at home and helping his family with their farm. It was unlike Josh, but then again, the Josh I knew had obviously died in Afghanistan.

I rubbed at my chest, feeling the ache that formed whenever I thought of what we used to be. I tried not to think about Josh much, which was super hard since every time I looked at our son, I saw his face. It wasn’t that Caleb looked like him. He didn’t. Caleb was my little twin in every way possible, but Josh was still there. In Caleb’s mannerisms—his facial expressions—the way he laughed.

No one else seemed to notice it, not even Josh’s parents, who treated Caleb like their own grandson without knowing he was really their flesh and blood. I assumed it was because I knew Josh better than anyone else and had known him best since he was a young boy, but if the Blacks noticed anything, they never mentioned it. And even though I felt terrible for lying about who Caleb’s dad was, I felt better knowing he had good relationship with Josh’s side of the family.

It was scary, thinking about Josh coming home and people seeing him and Caleb side by side, but I hadn’t had to worry about it much since I was sure he wasn’t coming home anytime soon. Then Mr. Black had a massive heart attack, leaving Mrs. Black alone at the farm since Genie, Josh’s sister, and her husband, Jimmy, had long moved out.

We would go to the funeral to pay our respects, but we had to make sure to stay away from Josh. He would be there for sure. He might have stayed away from Walterboro and his family for whatever reason, but the old Josh had to be in there somewhere. The old Josh would never miss his father’s funeral. It gave me hope, knowing he had returned for the funeral, but at the same time, it made my nerves kick into overdrive.

Would he stay in Walterboro, or would he go back to wherever he came from?

The chance of running into him in town was high. I would never go anywhere ever again. Not that I went many places anyway. Either I stayed home, or I went to work at the garage. Occasionally, I would go to Walmart to pick up some groceries or things we needed around the house, but that was only when I absolutely had to.

There was no contact between Josh and me, and there hadn’t been since right after he was hurt in Afghanistan. I hadn’t made any effort to contact him, but then again, he hadn’t tried to contact me either. I guess a near-death experience really made you figure out the things you wanted in life, and apparently, I was no longer one of those things.

My stomach sank with hurt every time I remembered how he had refused to see me. I had never felt so burned in all my life. The thought that the very people I had considered family and the man I had spent almost all my life loving had pushed me out of their house stung. I was embarrassed and bruised, and I was never more grateful that no one knew we had talked about maybe being more than friends one day. At least now, I could pretend none of that had been real.

Still, I had done my part. I had tried to tell them about Caleb, I really had. It wasn’t my fault they refused to see me. They refused to listen. So, I lied, and that followed me around every day.

I was Jennifer Michaels, the town slut who went off to college, got drunk, and got pregnant from a one-night stand. Even though none of that was true. Even though I had only been with Josh and only once, I let everyone believe it because it was what was best.

Josh would never know what he was missing out on. He had already missed so much. Our boy was beautiful and smart. He was rambunctious and happy. He was perfect. Just like his daddy used to be before he changed.

God, I missed Josh so much. Some days it was so much that my body literally ached, but I was too proud. Not to mention, I wasn’t the Jenny he remembered. Something told me he would look at me and be disgusted with what he saw. The weight I had gained over the years, the way I wasn’t as concerned as other women about my hair and makeup. It just wasn’t who I was, and I wasn’t about to change those ways now.

“Did you hear me?” Amy asked, poking at my arm. “I said, I saw Josh. He’s in town.”

“That’s nice,” I said, trying to sound unfazed as I unlocked my car and tossed in my bag. “I hope he’s doing well … considering.”

“You mean you guys haven’t talked at all?” Surprise filled her expression.

Everyone in town knew Josh and I were best friends, but no one in town except his family and mine knew that he had pushed me out of his life.

“Nope,” I said, popping the P. “Josh and I aren’t really friends anymore.”

“That sucks. Y’all used to be so close. What happened?”

I wasn’t about to tell her about the day he left for the Army. I wasn’t about to tell her about the few phone calls we had while he was in basic training or our one wonderful night. Only we knew about the plans we made before his convoy was attacked. I would never tell anyone about the promises we made or how I had rushed to his house to see him when he had been injured just to be turned away by the people I had once considered my own family.

No.

Josh had changed his mind, and instead of manning up and telling me to my face that I wasn’t what he wanted anymore, he had hidden behind his injury and pushed me away.

“We grew apart. He went to the Army; I went to college. It happens.” I tried to blow it off as though it was no big deal, but the truth was, it was a massive deal. It had shaped me emotionally into someone I no longer knew. I didn’t laugh as much. I didn’t play. I worked, and I took care of Caleb. There was no fun anymore unless it was kid-friendly fun with Lilly and the kids.

After saying goodbye to Amy, I picked Caleb up from Lilly and Devin and drove the long way home. I could remember a time when Dad’s garage was in our yard, but these days, we had moved up in the world, thanks in part to Lilly’s money and Devin’s work ethic. She had put the money in to get a new building, and Devin and Dad had worked hard to bring in new business in a different part of town. Devin refused to take his wife’s money even though she had told him it was their money, and he had doubled the money within the first two years.

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