Page 109 of Thick & Thin

“Of course, you can, but we can talk about that later, Josh. If you want to have kids, we can try. I want to spend my life with you. Have a family with you and …”

“Didn’t you just hear me!” he yelled, shocking me into silence. “Ican’thave kids.” He pounded at his chest. “I’m so fucking broken, Jenny. Not just mentally, but physically too. That fucking explosion took more than my good sense … I’m infertile. Being with me means no family, and I assure you, I’m not worth that.”

His shoulders dropped, and I was shocked when he reached up and swiped at a tear that ran down his cheek in slow motion. My heart drilled behind my ribs painfully, and the oxygen around me went thin.

Josh was standing before me upset because he would never have a child, and I had held the secret of him being Caleb’s father in for three fucking years.

I knew before I opened my mouth that I was about to lose him forever, but I could no longer keep it my secret. It meant too much to him. I had known Josh long enough to know that he wanted kids. He wanted a large family. And that had been taken away from him, but he had Caleb, and it was time he knew the truth.

“Caleb’s yours,” I blurted, the words echoing throughout the stable and making the horses at our side snicker.

His eyes moved over my face, and his expression dropped.

“Jenny, it would be an honor to have Caleb as my son. I would love him as my own always, but I can’t. I can’t be good of him or you.”

I clenched my eyes tightly to rid the black orbs that were beginning to float in my vision and then I tried again to make him understand what I was saying.

“No, you don’t understand what I’m saying. Caleb is yours. He’s your blood. You’re his father.”

His brows pulled low in confusion before realization set in and his skin paled.

“What?”

The word came out whispered and broken.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I tried in the beginning, Josh. I came to you when I found out, and I fought to tell you, but you had me tossed out, and I …”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence. Josh pulled me into his arms and buried his head in my neck. His body shook, wracked with sobs. I had never seen Josh this way, but I held him close, glad he hadn’t raged against me. I didn’t like his tears, but at least he was holding me instead of pushing me away.

He slid down my body and fell to his knees, pressing his face against my stomach.

“You’re sure?” he sniffled, looking up at me with brown eyes full of every emotion possible.

I nodded, grasping his face in my hands. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with. I told you, you’re it for me. That wasn’t a lie.”

He kissed my stomach and closed his eyes as if he was finding peace for the first time in a long while. Then he looked up at me again and smiled through his tears.

I stared down at him, feeling relief that it was out there, and happy that things were going to be okay, but suddenly the stables started to feel as if they were tipping over. I blinked away the sensation and dug my fingers into Josh’s shoulders to keep myself standing. His expression went from happiness to worry, and he stood in front of me, grabbing my waist and holding me up.

“Hey,” he said, looking me in my face even though I was trying to look away from him. “Are you okay? Hey.” He grasped my chin and turned my face his way.

The longer I looked at him, the dizzier I became.

“Jenny, are you okay, babe?”

And then my knees went weak beneath me, and I felt myself falling. The last thing I saw before the world around me went black was Josh’s worried expression and his mouth opening as he screamed out for help.

38

Josh

I sat next to Jenny’s bedand held her hand. For an emergency room, the doctors and nurses didn’t seem to be in any rush. Thankfully, not long after they got her settled into a room, she began to feel better.

I held myself together the best I could for Jenny, but the fact was, a lot had happened in a short amount of time. I had an attack and pushed her away. I found out I was a father, which I still had a ton of questions about. And then Jenny had passed out in my arms in the stables.

I shook my leg nervously, waiting for some answers as to why my girl was passing out. I silently prayed she was okay and promised myself that no matter what, we would get through anything together. I would do what I could to take care of my family, even if it meant another stint in rehab and taking the medications they prescribed.

“Josh, relax. I’m sure it’s nothing,” Jenny said, laying a hand on my knee to keep me from shaking it.

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