Page 106 of Thick & Thin

Panic and anxiety crippled me, and I pushed myself farther into the corner to get away from the scene in front of me. That was when I saw them in the corner of the room across from me. Jenny was standing, holding Caleb close to her chest. Blood ran down the side of her face as she stared back at me with wide eyes.

Caleb clung to her, his arms and legs wrapped around her, and his face buried in her neck.

“Make him stop, Mommy,” he cried. “He’s scaring me.”

She rubbed at his back, trying to soothe him. “It’s okay, baby. Everything’s going to be okay.”

What had I done?

My eyes moved over her face, taking in the blood, and my knees went weak beneath me. I dropped, my palms going to the floor in front of me as I tried again to breathe.

“Jenny,” I whispered her name. “What have I done?”

She moved toward me, reaching out with her free hand, but I jerked away from her. I was dangerous. I had hurt her and made Caleb cry. He was afraid of me. What had I done to scare him so badly?

I was wrong.

So fucking wrong.

I could never have a normal life with Jenny. I would never be happy because I was always going to be haunted by my injury. The sickness of war had destroyed all hopes I had of being a family man—having kids—having a life with Jenny. She deserved better, and Caleb deserved more than a crazed lunatic who could never give him a brother or sister. A man who freaked out in the middle of the night and harmed his mother and could have harmed him.

No.

Never again.

I stood, grabbing for my shirt, and pulled it over my head.

“Josh?” Jenny’s soft voice moved over me, instilling certainty in my actions and thoughts.

“This is over,” I said, dead set on walking away from her and Caleb and never looking back. “We can’t see each other anymore.”

“What? Wait. Let’s talk about this,” she said, moving toward me once again.

I held my hand out and shook my head. “No. This is done. No more.”

I was no good for them. I was dangerous, and I loved them too much to ever put them at risk.

Caleb turned toward me, his wide dark eyes moving over my face and his expression one full of fear.

“I’m so sorry, little man,” I whispered.

And then I fled, leaving Jenny calling out my name along with the sounds of Caleb crying behind me.

I loved them enough to leave.

No matter how badly my heart broke and bled. No matter if I knew I would never be happy again. They were all that mattered. The woman I loved and the son I would always want but could never have.

37

Jenny

I wasn’t sure what happened.One minute, I was warm in Josh’s arms, and the next, he was thrashing around the bed. I rolled away from him and leaped from the bed, only to hit my head against the nightstand. Pain flashed through my brain, and I reached up and touched the tender spot. When I pulled my hand away, there was blood on my fingers.

I couldn’t worry about that, though, because Josh was tearing my room apart. I screamed for him to stop, but when he looked at me, he looked through me. His eyes were blank as if he weren’t even there, and that scared me. I had never in all our years together seen him act this way.

Caleb came crashing through the door at the sounds of my room being torn apart, and I pulled him into my arms and moved as far into the corner and away from Josh as I could.

I had never been afraid of Josh, but this wasn’t Josh. This was someone else entirely, and I had to protect my son first and foremost.

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