Page 105 of Thick & Thin

I reached behind him, grabbing his ass and pulling him farther into the bed with me.

“He’ll be fine. Just stay with me. At least until I fall asleep.”

He climbed in next to me and pulled me back into his arms. His smile was sweet when he reached up and pushed my hair from my eyes and behind my ear.

“I’ll stay. Get some sleep.”

And then he kissed the tip of my nose, and I fell in love with him all over again.

“Josh,” I said, knowing I was about to give in to him completely.

“Hmmm?”

His eyes were closed, and his breathing was steady.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

His eyes opened, and he looked down at me. And at that moment, I knew things would be okay. I was going to tell him the truth, and we were going to be a family the way I had always hoped we would be.

36

Josh

Jenny told me she loved me,but while I loved hearing her say the words, I had known all along how she felt. It was in her eyes when she looked at me—in the way she trusted me with her beautiful son—the way she welcomed me into their little family with open arms.

I had fallen head over heels in love with Caleb, and spending time with them had become my new favorite thing in the entire world. He was such a smart kid and fun to be around. And sometimes, when he climbed into my lap and wrapped his little arms around my neck, I could almost forget the heartache of never having children of my own. He was enough for me even though it wasn’t my blood running through his veins.

Knowing what I knew now, Jenny hadn’t run to Texas and slept around.

No.

Jenny had run to Texas with a broken heart, courtesy of me, and she wasn’t about to let me break it again. I understood that. Respected that. And it only made me love her more that she would do all she could to protect not only herself from heartache, but her son, as well.

“I love you, too,” I said, kissing her forehead and pulling her closer.

The past was in the past, and somehow even with every obstacle we had faced, she was still able to make me the happiest man in the world.

I watched her fall asleep in my arms. Her eyes grew heavy before they closed, and her breathing grew softer. I couldn’t stay the night. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my mom alone for too long, and even though I hadn’t had a nightmare in a long while, I still worried I might.

But I was warm with Jenny, and her soothing breathing relaxed me. I figured another hour with her in my arms would be fine. That I could last that long before getting up, getting dressed, and heading home, but as I listened to the rhythm of her breathing and felt the steady tap of her heartbeat against my arm, I felt myself begin to drift away as well.

An explosion sounded,and screams ripped through the night, sending my body into a cold shock. The sound of rapid gunfire followed, making me drop to the ground only to realize I was lying on top of a dead man. His empty eyes stared back at me, and the longer I looked at him, the more he started to look like me.

Itwasme.

I was dead.

Shattered and broken limbs surrounded me, and I moved away, crawling across the bloody sand until I reached nothing but darkness. The sounds of a child crying pulled me from my death, and I jerked awake, reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there.

I wasn’t in a bed. Instead, I was standing in the corner of an unfamiliar dark space. I was shaking, my body covered in chills and cold sweat dripping from my flesh. My heart drilled behind my ribs, and I hyperventilated, drawing as much oxygen as I could into my starving lungs only to feel as though it wasn’t enough.

I was suffocating.

I slowly came back to myself, the nightmare pushing to the back of my conscious and the room around me coming into focus. I was in Jenny’s room. My eyes moved over her empty bed, her sheets tossed around and her mattress shifted as if it were about to fall to the floor. Her dresser was pushed over in front of me, the drawers falling open with clothes spilling out and the items that had been on top littered all around.

The lamp was knocked from the nightstand, and on the corner, there was a spot of blood that sent a spiral of dread through me. I looked down at my hands, seeing them covered in blood for a few brief seconds before reality slipped over me and it disappeared.

I was losing my mind.

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