Page 103 of Love Contract

“We’ll play loud,” my dad says, strumming harder. “We won’t even hear you.”

Winking at Theo, I say, “I already heard you in the shower…”

Theo is bright pink, but she’s smiling. She can’t hold out for long against the combined pressure of all three of us and the pull to sing along to David Bowie.

Reese belts the chorus extra loud and extra off-key. Laughing, Theo joins in, quietly at first but picking up steam when she sees that no one’s judging her.

Her voice is soft, melodic, and lilting, as soothing as her speaking voice. It’s never going to win American Idol, but it blends in a strangely lovely way with my dad’s rough growl and Reese’s enthusiastic tenor. Soon I’m singing, too, which I almost never do, but tonight it feels right.

Tonight feels golden and full and like everything’s going to be okay—sensations I haven’t experienced in a very long time.

Usually, I feel dread and pressure. Usually, I feel like there’s a hole in my guts that can’t be filled.

Theo can’t replace my mom. But somehow, she creates a balance that allows the rest of us to be something like we used to be. She’s a center we can orbit around. A reason to be out here together, feeling happy and alive once more, if only for the night.

I don’t want this to end. I don’t want her to go back home because then the spell will break, and I’ll be like I was before. Everything will be like it was before.

At least, until the deal with Angus is done.

Then, everything will change forever.

I’ll be loaded instead of broke and scrounging. My dad will have security, and he won’t have to take construction jobs with his degenerate prison buddies. I’ll be able to afford to send him to rehab, assuming he’ll agree to go. And Reese won’t have totake every shitty gig that comes his way—he can do character roles in indie films or stage plays or even try writing a script like he’s always talking about.

Those are the dreams that have motivated me for years. But now that I’m the closest I’ve ever been, I don’t feel the same sense of certainty.

Maybe it’s because this thing with Theo isn’t working out how I expected. My plans have already twisted and changed so much…I can’t see clearly to the end anymore.

I look at Theo across the fire, and I begin to worry that it’s inevitable; I’m going to have to choose between hurting her and saving my family. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t get everything you want. There’s always a trade-off.

I’m not okay with either of those options—I’m not okay with hurting her, and I’m not okay with letting my dad and my brother down. They depend on me. I’m the only one who can fix this.

Which means I have to make this work.

Somehow, I have to make this work.

Reese catches my eye. I haven’t seen him in three months, but it feels like he’s already inside my head again. Like he’s reading my thoughts from across the firepit.

He leans his head in the direction of our dad, raising an eyebrow as if to say,“Check out the old man strumming and singing again…what have you been feeding him?”

I give Reese half a smile and half a shrug in return, which means, “I don’t know what’s going on, but let’s not do anything to jinx it.”

It’s only later,in the house, that we can actually talk.

Reese and I are washing the dishes while Theo takes a shower, which she often does at night as well as in the morning. She says the cooking smells get in her hair, but honestly, I kind of like when I catch the hints of nutmeg or rosemary or fennel that mix with the natural sweetness of her scent.

Reese barely waits for her to leave the room before he says, “Okay, what the hell is going on?”

I make a serious business of scrubbing out a pot so I don’t have to look at him. “I told you what’s going on.”

“Not with Angus,” Reese says. “With you two chuckleheads.”

I’d like to play dumb, but that won’t work with Reese, and it’ll really piss him off. We don’t lie to each other.

So instead, I say, “It’s gotten a little complicated.”

Reese snorts. “Who could have seen that coming?”

“Oh, shut up. I said alittlecomplicated—we’re still on target.”

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