Page 61 of Grimstone

“I…was engaged. Up until three weeks ago.”

Dane sits very still, the candlelight turning his eyes orange and amber.

“What was his name?”

“Gideon.”

“Mm.” I can’t interpret that sound or the slight smile on his lips.

Why is his mouth so beautiful and so cruel?

Why am I here, seeking mental clarity from the most disturbing person I know?

Blame it on Grimstone…God knows, Dane would.

Lunatic.

And here I am, cross-legged before him, lunatic acolyte.

Teach me, master…

If I can’t get sane, I might as well get better at crazy.

He’s crazy, I’m crazy, we’re all crazy…

My mind will say anything to fill the void.

“What happened?”

Hypocrite! How dare he ask when I’ve barely said a peep about his wife?

No, he knows this isn’t the real ugly.

Gideon hurt, it’s true, but I was surprised when I examined the wound—it wasn’t near fatal.

I should care more. I should be devastated.

Instead, it feels…inevitable. Like we were only playing pretend all along.

“He cheated.” This is the first time I’ve said it out loud. I’ve never admitted it, even to Jude. But he knew. I’m sure a lot of people knew. “That’s probably why Jude never liked him. And now he rubs it in my face, and he should because there were a thousand signs.”

“What signs?” Dane asks, unsmiling, unmoving.

The wind stirs the air down the chimney, wafting the scent of cinders, of smoke…

“I’ll tell you the one that drove me insane. Because it was so…ephemeral. But it haunted me, day after day…”

I remember a hundred afternoons, evenings, mornings even…a floral scent in his apartment, his car, even on his sheets…not many florals. The same fucking one. Jasmine.

“It was a woman’s perfume, that’s obvious now. But he denied it so convincingly. It was honestly like he really couldn’t smell it. I’d say,It’s on your coat, it’s here in the car…” After a moment, I find myself admitting, “He must have been seeing the same woman the whole time. It was always the same perfume.”

Somehow that hurts more than the idea of many women, many casual encounters.

This means emotion. This means love. A deeper deception.

Did he miss her when he was with me?

Did he sneak away to text her?

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