Page 138 of Grimstone

“You were ten years old,” I whisper.

“Yeah, and I wanted to get rid of them since I was six. Especially that bitch.”

“Ourmother?”

“A self-obsessed wannabe social climber,” Jude spits. “But she was only an irritation—hewas the problem.”

My stomach lurches as a thousand forgotten memories flood through my brain. Times my father would watch Jude and then look away, frowning slightly. Times he’d try to talk to my mother, and she’d brush him aside…

He’s bored at school, he’s acting out…

The other kids pick on him, he’s not the problem…

“He knew what you were.”

“He suspected.” Jude shrugs. “After a couple little incidents at school, he was on my ass constantly…he had to go.”

The nightmare rushes through my head, each detail flashing like a silver fishhook that snags because none of it ever quite made sense…

Both parents asleep, nobody at the wheel of the ship, the life jacket already on under Jude’s coat, the nails in the doorframe, the loopy, slurred way our dad responded…

“You drugged them,” I repeat.

“You too,” Jude says casually. “Just not as much. A quarter Ambien in your drink, and half a bottle in theirs.” He snickers softly. “I doubt Marla even woke up.”

Marla…like he barely knew her. Like she was just someone to hate.

I wish you were my mother…

My stomach gives another sickening roll.

I’m in a state of slowly mounting hysteria. It’s like being inside a funhouse with a hundred distorted mirrors—which one is the real Jude? And which is the real me?

This can’t be my actual brother, this creature standing before me with black pits for eyes and a cruel smirk.

“How could you?” I moan. “Our own parents, Jude…”

He takes the question as one of logistics rather than morals.

“The storm was a surprise. But at that point, I’d already drugged their wine, so…” Jude shrugs. “I wouldn’t say it was the best plan, but I pulled it off pretty good for a ten-year-old.”

“Prettywell,”I correct him. “You probably should have gone to college.”

That pisses him off, as I intended. His face flushes and his lower lip sticks out, like it always does when he pouts.

“You’d fucking love that, wouldn’t you?” he seethes. “You couldn’t wait to get rid of me. I heard you plotting with Gideon, trying to shove me off to school so you two could move in together. He never wanted me around.”

“Well, I guess he was more perceptive than me.”

Jude’s lip curls. “Everyone’s more perceptive than you.”

Don’t tell me your stories about your brother…

There’s only one way you’re stupid…

Your brother’s cute…too bad he’s a little shit…

I remember every time I defended Jude against teachers, boyfriends, friends…

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