This is the man I love,she thought, and she wondered at how it felt to really admit that to herself for the first time. She truly did love him, and when she was being honest with herself, it felt like a knife every time she saw one of those articles. She knew that for the duration of time they were together, there would never be an end to them.

Bedelia forced herself to keep walking. There was nothing to be gained from staring at things that were going to hurt her. Right now, she needed to take action, and the more she thought about it, the more likely it was that she was going to need to take action while Jahin was out of town, while she still had the ability to act and move independently.

She read the instructions carefully, grateful that they were in English as well as in Arabic, and after she set the stick aside, she had five minutes to pace and worry.

What was he going to do when he found out? What was he going to say, and what would he think? What if he thought she had planned this in a weak attempt to trap him? Would he send her from his side in disgust?

A spasm of fear wracked her body as she had a new thought. What if he wanted to take the baby away from her? The two of them had never really spoken about children, but she had heard him talk more than once about his bloodline. His duty was to his country, and his duty was to produce heirs. What would happen when he realized that his firstborn child was going to be produced by a woman with no money, no pedigree, with no property to boast of?

She hugged herself, suddenly cold. It was hard to imagine Jahin playing the part of a cruel landowner in some Victorian play, but she knew very well that he saw things differently than she did. He was literally the law of the land in Muneazil. She was a foreigner of no account, without even fame or money to protect her. What did this mean for them?

Her phone chirped, absurdly cheerful, to tell her that the test was done. She ventured into the bathroom feeling as if she were walking to her doom. When she got there, it was almost an anticlimax to see that her suspicions had been correct.

She was pregnant, and now she needed to decide what she was going to do about it.

Strangely enough, the first thing that Bedelia wanted to do was nap. The emotional exhaustion of the morning was catching up with her, and she looked down at her belly ruefully.

"If you could just let up a little so that I could decide what to do, kiddo, that would be great," she murmured.

Somehow, speaking to her child like that made it feel more real. Right now, it only had her to protect it against the world, and whether she was ready or not, Bedelia knew she had to do a great job. Tentatively, almost shyly, she wrapped her arms over her belly. In just a few months, there was going to be a new person in the world, one that she and Jahin had created together...

Almost as if her thoughts had summoned it up, she received an image of Jahin bouncing a baby in his hands, a wide smile on his face as the infant shrieked with joy. It sent such a deep stab of longing through her that she nearly cried, but she knew that it was a fantasy.

I should call him at once, she thought. He deserves to know...

The thought was pushed away almost as soon as it arrived. If he came home and she told him everything, she could lose it all. She would be at his mercy, she and their child with her. With a great wrench, she knew that this was not a risk she could take.

No, she thought with dawning dismay. I need to make sure that I am safe first. After that, I can tell him. After that, we can figure out what needs to happen, but if he finds out while I am still in Muneazil...

She knew Jahin was a man well used to exercising power, and when he had to, he would use it to further his own goals. She didn't begrudge it to him, but right now, she could not be the person he was using it against. She didn't dare.

She took a deep breath, ignoring the fatigue that seemed to set into every part of her. She had to plan, and she had to be ready.

He was going to be away from the penthouse for at least another day. There was a window there. It wasn't a huge one, but it was one that she could use if she were willing to act now.

Bedelia glanced at the clock. He was likely in a meeting right now, and his phone would be set to voice mail. That was the best method, she thought. If she had to talk to him, hear his voice and listen to him laugh and smile, she would never be able to do what had to be done.

The phone rang for what seemed like a terribly long time, and then his voice mail picked up, much to her relief.

"Hello, Jahin," she said, her voice falsely cheery even to her own ears. "Um, this is just a call to say hi, and that I was thinking of you. I know you usually call me later, and I just wanted to tell you not to bother. I'm feeling so tired right now, and I think I'm just going to lie down and try to sleep it all out. Um. I'm always happy when you think of me, but man, right now, I really need my sleep! I hope I'm not coming down with the flu or anything, ha ha! But yeah, I hope things are going well, I'll see you later!"

She ended the call, her face bright red and her hands shaking a little. She had sounded ridiculous, speaking too fast and too nervously, but it would have to do for the moment. At the very least, that meant she could make her preparations without him calling in concern. Maybe he would just think of her flustered ramblings as an artifact of the illness.

With any luck, however, it had bought her time, and that was what she needed the most.

"Don't worry, baby," she whispered, stroking her belly. "I will take care of this."