Page 96 of The Single Dad Project

“Since when did you become such good friends with her?” he questioned, avoiding the last part of her statement like someone sidestepping a pile of dog shit on a sidewalk.

“Now you’re just sounding petty.” She crossed to the refrigerator and opened it like she lived there. She pulled out a bottle of water and twisted off the cap, lifting the bottle to her mouth and eyeing him while she gulped. “And nice try with that little transference trick. But to answer your question, just because you’ve fucked up doesn’t mean Flo should be removed from Justine’s life. I’ve taken her over to Flo’s studio several times, and Justine has seen her at the inn.”

“I don’t want to remove her from Justine’s life,” he murmured, turning away from Jennifer on the pretense of grabbing a colander from the cabinet and placing it in the sink. As his ex, she knew him too well, saw much more than he was comfortable with. “Justine loves Flo and vice versa.”

“That’s right.” Jennifer paused. “But she isn’t the only one, is she?” Moments later, she appeared at his side, the pot of spaghetti in her oven-mittened hands. “Move,” she ordered, and poured the water and pasta into the colander.

While he shook the strainer, his ex-wife moved the empty pot back to the stove.

“She isn’t the only one, is she, Adam?” Jennifer pressed.

He turned, scrubbing his hand over his head, staring at the corner where the ceiling met the wall instead of meeting Jennifer’s gaze.

“I never lied to Flo,” he quietly said, repeating the same answer he’d given Flo over a week ago. “I never led her on. I was always clear about why there couldn’t be anything between us. Not to mention I’m here for a job, and when that job ends, Justine and I will be returning to Chicago.”

“I didn’t ask what you told Flo or whether or not you intend to stay here in Rose Bend. I asked, do you love her?”

“Jennifer, this is ridicu—”

“The fact that you won’t answer my question is answer enough.” Jennifer pointed a finger at him. “Adam, I was with you for years. And yes, we didn’t make it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not one of the few people who knows you better than anyone. I’d like to think I was your friend as well as your wife. At least until we weren’t.” She tilted her head, and her gaze softened, filled with a sympathy that dug under his skin, made him itch with discomfort. “Adam, you’re not your father.”

Her gently spoken words slapped at him, and his head jerked back from the verbal blow.

“You’re going too far, Jennifer,” he snapped. “I’m not talking about that with you.”

“Then who?” she challenged, striding forward until only inches separated them. She punched her fists onto her hips, thrusting out her chin. “Who else are you going to talk to about it? Because let’s be clear—you don’t. You don’t ever talk about the fact that your self-image is wrapped up in your father.”

“I don’t—” he growled, but she shook her head, holding up a palm.

“Stop it. Stop lying to yourself. While other sons might strive to emulate their fathers, your sole goal has been to be the complete opposite of him. Calm to the point of being so guarded you can be emotionally shut down. To be so self-reliant you refuse to lean on anyone, depend on anyone. And so driven to prove you’re not toxic, you’re incredibly hard on yourself. Unforgiving of yourself.” She sighed, lowering her arm to her side. “You have never given yourself grace, and for such a confident and self-assured person, you don’t believe in yourself.”

“Jennifer, please,” he rasped, desperate for her to stop this line of conversation.

Desperate for her to convince him of her convictions.

He squeezed his eyes closed. But he couldn’t block her out. Maybe...he didn’t want to.

“What you don’t realize is that you were never your father. A great dad like you? One who has always been there for our daughter? Who loves her unconditionally and makes her feel like everything kind, beautiful and smart in this world? No, you could never be him. And Adam—” she closed the distance between them and settled a hand over his chest “—this heart is good. It’s so big and incredibly vulnerable. You were a great husband, a great partner. We just weren’t meant for each other. The end of any marriage isn’t all one person’s fault, so you shouldn’t shoulder all the blame. And I...” She dipped her head and when she lifted it, remorse darkened her brown gaze. “I wasn’t ready for you. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to be anyone’s other half because I wasn’t whole. I’m working on that. Starting to work hard, and I’m beginning with myself and Justine. I want to be the parent I once was, the one I know I can be again. And you’re that role model.” She dropped her hand and stepped back, smiling at him. “Don’t cheat yourself out of the love you deserve. Who you came from doesn’t determine the man you’ve worked so hard to become. Let the past go and grab on to the future right in front of you, if you just have the courage to hold on to it.”

She patted him on the chest one last time then turned and left the kitchen.

He sucked in a breath and held it until his lungs burned. Only then did he release it.

Was he cheating himself out of love?

Yes.

The answer didn’t whisper across his mind; it roared in his head. In the space of minutes, with one conversation with his ex-wife, he could see so clearly what he had been in denial about. Did she undo years of negative self-talk? No. But she’d planted seeds, and he could—if he made the choice to—water them, nurture them. He had to, and not just for his sake. But for Justine’s.

And Flo’s.

Because though he hadn’t responded directly to Jennifer’s question, she’d been correct.

He loved her. Fear had stilled his tongue the last night they’d been together in her apartment, but he couldn’t deny it any longer. All those reasons he’d given her for why they could never be were just the excuses Flo had called them. Convenient excuses to protect himself from the terror of failing. Somewhere in these past few weeks, he’d fallen so in love, Flo terrified him, threatening every conception he held about himself, about the life he wanted, the life he saw for him and his daughter.

Now that view had changed. Mostly because he couldn’t see that future without Flo in it.

Oh God.

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