Page 94 of The Single Dad Project

Flo continued to study him, and he caught the moment awareness dawned in her eyes. The moment those eyes shuttered.

“Oh,” she said, her tone now as flat as his had been. “We’re back here. I was hoping we’d gotten past this, that you’d learned who I am and let this go. But apparently not, because here we are.”

Adam dragged a hand over his face and beard, turning from her and propping his elbows on his knees. He stared down at his clasped hands, and the silence that fell between them weighed down his shoulders, his back.

“What do you say to me? Look at me,” she ordered, a hard note entering her voice. “Look at me and tell me again there’s nothing wrong. That when you walk out of here tonight you don’t plan on distancing yourself from me? Haven’t already started relegating me to coworker and nothing more in your mind.”

She could never be just a coworker to him. They’d come much too far for that. But the rest of it? Yeah, he couldn’t admit it. But she was right.

“Flo,” he murmured.

“Don’tFlome,” she said, and a moment later she moved from the couch to the coffee table, shoving his untouched plate aside and sitting down directly in front of him. “If you’re going to do this,to us, you’re going to look at me and tell me the truth.”

To us.

Panic clawed at him, and he recoiled. Both from the panic and thelongingattacking him. Something in him stretched toward her, toward thatus, and it scared the shit out of him.

“Flo, I’ve never lied to you,” he murmured, meeting her gaze. “I’ve always been honest about where I’m at, about my priorities and yours. There hasn’t been an—”

Yeah, he couldn’t even utter that lie. Couldn’t push it past his throat. But she jumped on his unspoken word, her spine snapping straight, her eyes narrowing.

“There’s no us,” she said. “That’s what you were about to say, right? There’s never been an us?” She loosed a sharp, humorless laugh. “Liar,” she accused, then shook her head, her locs flying over her shoulder. “No, coward. You’re a coward if you sit here and say that to me knowing it’s a lie.”

He surged to his feet, stalked around her and over to the window. Staring sightlessly down at the dark and quiet Main Street, he tried to get his thoughts together. But that proved an impossible feat. Not with the betrayal and pain saturating Flo’s voice, and her anger beating at him like small fists.

He needed to go.

He wanted to stay.

Lifting a fist to the window, he pressed hard against the cool glass. This was his fault. He’d known.He’d known.And he hadn’t cared. Now, not only was Flo hurt, but Justine would be, too. He had no one to blame for their pain but himself.

“Flo, I’m sorry,” he said, turning around to face her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I am. I—”

“Cop-out,” she snapped, rising from the table. She took several steps toward him before she drew up short. “That’s nothing but a cop-out.” She sliced a hand through the air as if cutting off his apology. “I’m not asking you to stay. I’m not even asking you to commit to me. I’ve never demanded either from you. But I won’t allow you to stand there and pretend like what we’ve shared is one-sided or in my imagination. Give me that, at least.”

“I do care for you. I won’t ever deny that.”

Her mouth curved into a humorless, jaded smile, and the sight so contradicted the joyous one she’d worn just minutes ago that it struck him in the chest like a wildly swung fist.

“Gee, thanks,” she drawled, sarcasm dripping from the words. “From almost the first, you’ve accused me of being too young, too driven, too inexperienced, too ambitious. You’ve marked me with this scarlet J for Jennifer. When I’m. Not. Her. But it’s safer for you to paint me with her brush because it’s easier than taking a risk. It’s easier than you trusting that I won’t hurt you, walk away from you. It’s easier than you believing that you can love me like I deserve and sustain a relationship. You live your life afraid and closed off because it’s justeasier.”

Adam reeled from her accusation, but he didn’t move. Couldn’t move. He wanted to deny her words, tell her he wasn’t just looking out for his daughter, but for her, too. Protecting her, but not stifling her creativity or career aspirations. But the explanation lodged in his throat. Not that Flo seemed like she wanted to hear his reasons.

No.

His excuses.

That was what she would call them. No matter how valid they were.

“I’ve lived in fear for so long,” she said, quieter now, that edge of anger softening. But the intensity in her eyes remained. She moved toward him again, but again, she stopped. As if she wanted to be near him, but wouldn’t allow herself. Or maybe he was just projecting. “For more than half of my life, I’ve had this wall built around myself where I don’t let people too close, only permit them to get so far before I shut the door, closing them out, shutting myself in. And I preferred it that way. Because if I didn’t let myself depend on them...love them...then when they left, when they fucked up, I couldn’t be hurt. I’m tired of that, Adam. So damn tired.”

She held up her hands and stared at them as if all her fears weighed them down. And when she dropped her hands to her sides, she released those fears, letting them litter the floor around her feet.

A stab of envy shook him.

“I refuse to live in fear one more day. Fear you’ll leave. Fear you’ll decide I’m not worthy of you and Justine. Fear of...loving and eventually losing. Fear that rejection of that love will destroy me. All of it has consumed me, and I won’t do it any longer. It robs me of happiness, peace and possibilities. You and Jussy, you’re a part of those possibilities. I didn’t know it when I walked into that bar weeks ago, that you would end up being a part of my hopes and dreams for the future. I didn’t know that I would love so strongly, so completely, that I question how I didn’t feel like something was missing inside me before then. I don’t question whether I can have my passion and you and Justine. I don’t have to choose.” Her eyes narrowed while her voice remained soft yet filled with the passion she just mentioned. “And if you make me choose between them, then you aren’t the man I need.”

I didn’t know it when I walked into that bar weeks ago, that you would end up being a part of my hopes and dreams for the future.

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