Page 68 of Crossland

What was it that I really wanted from her? Beyond her not going anywhere, I really didn't have a solid answer, and I didn't really feel like that was fair to her.

“Aspen,” I said taking a breath.

“Do you ever get tired?” she asked, the question completely throwing me off guard. “I feel like you do, Cross. I know I've only been in your life for a couple of months, but watching you constantly work on so many different facets of your life, not just business or your hockey team but witheverything. I feel like you never sit still, and with the media and the press and the constant access to your life, don't you get tired?”

I nodded, my heart aching in the center of my chest. “I do,” I answered. “Remember when you asked me about what I really wanted that had nothing to do with growing the empire?”

She nodded, never taking her eyes off mine.

“I told you I'd get back to you when I figured it out. And I think I have. I'm tired of spending my time bouncing from Calgary to New York and back again and everything in between. I'm tired of paparazzi constantly waiting outside my apartmenthoping for a picture of me in some precarious position or with poor company. I'm tired of being hounded by the need to continue to expand and expand until I don't even know what I have my hands in anymore.”

Aspen smoothed her hand comfortingly over my cheek before gently massaging my temple.

“Bristol is taken care of and living out her happily ever after with her husband. She doesn't need me anymore. And I can see my friends whenever I want. And lately I've been considering selling off half of my assets and moving to some small town like Cedar Rapids, Iowa, or Sedona, Arizona. Somewhere paparazzi aren’t as prevalent, and the pace of life is a little slower.”

Aspen’s grin was breathtaking. “You could wear jeans more often,” she said, then her eyes brightened. “No, sweatpants. You could wear sweatpants all the time.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, kitten?” I asked, grinning at her. “Unrestricted access to me.”

“Won’t try to deny that,” she said, then sighed. “I've always pictured myself in a smaller place too. Somewhere with a bookshop that serves coffee and signature cocktails in a small town where everybody finds comfort in hanging out. Now that Brecken is doing so well on her own, the possibility seems closer than ever.”

Especially with the end of our contract coming up and her large payday that she was about to get. Her sister would be set up and she would have the means to do whatever she wanted. And I could only hope that included something to do with me. I needed to tell her that, but I was terrified.

“I can see us there,” I said, making my words playful and my face to match. It was easier for me to hide behind the mischief and the games and the jokes than it was to be real. Because in reality, I had no idea how to navigate what I was feeling, and I hated the fact that I felt like I was going to fuck it up any second.

“Really?” she asked. “You think we'd be suited for small-town life?”

“Absolutely,” I answered. “I could help you in your bookstore, and you could teach me how to make lattes. Maybe we could even sell boba, even if it’s just for me to enjoy it every day.”

Aspen laughed, resuming her stroking. “I didn't mean to get you hooked on those,” she said. “But they are quite addictive.”

“I love it,” I said, my eyes trailing over the curves of her face. “We could live in a loft over the coffee shop, our place constantly smelling like roasted coffee beans and freshly bound books.”

“Now that's one hell of a dream,” she said, a little bit of seriousness coming back into her eyes. “But if I've learned anything from life, it's that it delights in laughing at you while you make plans.”

“You think it's easier to not make plans?”

“I don't know if it's easier, but for me the only the plans I've ever been able to make are the goals I need to hit in order to help Brecken be okay.”

“And you've done that,” I said. “She's thriving, and she will continue to. So when are you going to start thinking about yourself?”

She laughed roughly, then shrugged. “I'm not sure I know how to do that.”

I slid my hand over her cheek, and she leaned into the touch. From the time I'd known her, she was selfless. Taking care of herself was one of the hardest things she'd ever have to learn how to do.

I'd been lucky to help her these past couple of months, ensuring that she put herself first on occasion. Hopefully over time she'd get better at it and realize that she could better take care of other people if she took care of herself first.

Over time.

I just hoped she’d give me the time I needed to figure out a way to make these dreams we teased each other about became our reality.

CHAPTER 15

Aspen

November tenth.

I loved New York in the fall. There was something magical about the city in the season where the leaves changed colors and there was a crisp autumn bite to the air. It’d always been my favorite season, ushering in the prospect of an upcoming new year with new goals and new aspirations and it symbolized another year survived.

---