Page 89 of Are You There, Moriarty?

“Fuck! Ow!” I said, my hand shooting back there to protect my skin.

“Get up. I didn’t book a day off work to sit here and argue with you.”

Ooh, he sounded pissed. I cracked an eye open. He was smiling.

“Fuck you,” I said.

He raised his eyebrows and lifted his hand.

“I’m up, I’m up. Fuck,” I said, pulling my legs around and sitting up. “You’re an asshole.”

“You knew that before you moved in here.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know how much you liked to smack my ass back then.”

“It’s my favorite thing.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Goddammit. I need a cigarette.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Alastair,” I said patiently. “If you knew what I’ve been through with my mom, you would understand. And you would go out right now and buy me a whole pack. You’d even light it for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would.”

“You can do this, Toby. And you can do it without caving in to your smoking habit.”

“But, Alastair, I really just need one or two ciggy’s today then I’ll quit. I promise.”

“Nope. Not happening.”

I stared at him. He stared at me.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

He sighed. “Really? You usually like it when I tell you what to do.”

“That’s different. That’s…playing. And it’s fun. But…it’smylife.”

“It is your life, and I can’t tell you not to smoke. But, Toby, if you can get through today without caving, you’ll have this thing beat.”

I mean, he had a point.

“But if you threaten to put me over your lap if I smoke a cigarette, that’s just a win-win for me.”

“Hmm. Really.”

“Yes, really.”

“Well, what if I say that every day youdon’tsmoke a cigarette, I’ll put you over my lap?”

I laughed. “And punish me for what, exactly?”

“Oh, it won’t be a punishment.”

My mouth went dry. “Huh?”

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