Page 73 of Ward Willing
I wanted to be just like her.
“I’m not going to change my mind,” I say, and then I turn around and walk to the line forming in front of the door.
I try to ignore the way Liam takes a seat on a nearby fountain or how he watches me as the line slowly moves forward.
As I get closer, I lock every single thought about Liam and what we talked about in a small box in the back of my mind, clearing the way for the test. By the time I put my phone and wallet into the locker and take a seat at my designated desk, I’m calmer than I have been in weeks.
If I don’t sit for this test, what would Ipossiblydo with my life? I’d have to change my major—and I’d probably have to take more prerequisites for any other major. Was becoming a lawyer a dream I had as a child? I saw how happy my parents were. In California, I could make good money. I’d never have to worry about it again. I could find some niche of law that interested me enough to be fulfilling. I hadn’t found it yet, but I would.
The more I let go of what Liam said, the calmer I feel. And when I open the test booklet and begin, a calm sense of duty overcomes me.
I worked hard for this. I kicked ass taking mock tests and staying up late to study. I’d ace this test and prove to myself that I could do anything.
I’m about to begin the reading comprehension part when two names on the page, a hypothetical scenario, pop out at me.
Lily and Ethan.
The names of my characters.
Seeing their names here, onthistest… it suddenly crashes down on me, and my chest tightens.
Lily and Ethan are rival jewelers, and they need help litigating…
The blood drains from my face, and the words trail off in my brain as I stare down at the paper. I’ve never had an out of body experience before, but right now I’m having one. I can almostseemy fidgeting feet, ankles crossed under the desk. I canhearthe tapping of my pencil.
Thisis where I’m supposed to be.Right?
My skin is hot, and I remove my sweatshirt, leaving me in only a tank top. I crack my knuckles before I rub my eyes and look down at the booklet.
Lily and Ethan are rival jewelers, and they need help litigating…
I sit up straighter.
What if this is a sign? What if… Liam is right?
Fuck, I have to focus.
I finish reading the page, but I don’t feel better. Not at all. Instead, sweat clings to my hairline as I squeeze my eyes closed.
My shallow breaths come quicker, and my grip on the pencil nearly snaps it in half. Goosebumps erupt along my skin as I realize I’m having a panic attack.
Right in the fucking middle of taking the LSATs.
I have to get out of here.
I have to… beanywherebut here, with my predetermined future looming before me.
Because if I stay, I’ll never let myself consider any other alternative.
Lily and Ethan.
The names aren’t a coincidence.
I stand abruptly and walk over to the administrator, explaining that I’m not feeling well and that I’m forfeiting the exam. She starts to explain how I can reschedule for another test day, but I turn and walk out of the classroom before she finishes.
My breaths are heaving now, and it’s like someone is sitting on my chest. I vaguely register the fact that I’ve left my sweatshirt on my desk, but I don’t care.
It suddenly feels wrong.
