Page 56 of Ward Willing
Again.
Despite not seeing her much at the house, I still see her a few times a week—during the two morning classes, and sometimes around campus.
I clear my throat and continue.
“The multiple choice portion will be followed by a short essay section. There will be four prompts to choose from. It’s up to you which one you’d like to do, but you only need to answer one of them. I’ll be looking for your ability to demonstrate your understanding of eco-poetry, its key concepts, and your ability to analyze and critically engage in the course material we’ve covered thus far.” Pushing my glasses up, I look up at the clock. “It’s Tuesday, October 4th, so you have the rest of the class to form discussion groups before the midterm on Thursday?—”
My words slam back into me.
October 4th.
Fuck.
I’d completely forgotten.
I look down at my desk, trying to form the words I need to say in order to form breakout groups.
Think, Liam.
Four years.
Do something.
Four years.
A few people snicker, but I don’t look up. I can’t—I can’t make eye contact with Zoe while I’m teaching.
Fuck, how did I forget!
Four fucking years.
I take a deep, steady breath. “Find a partner and spend the rest of class time going over anything you need clarification on. I’ll be here, so raise your hand if you have any questions.”
Everyone stands up and shuffles around, and the movement blocks my view of Zoe. Once people have located a partner and are seated, I notice that she’s still by herself.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I climb the stairs to the upper seats, stopping in front of her, but she’s staring forward and doesn’t look up at me.
“Ms. Arma, a word please.”
Slowly, she lifts her gaze to my face, and something sharp pierces my chest when I see the purple bags, the lifeless eyes, and the tiny frown lines bracketing her full lips.
“I didn’t find a partner because I don’t have any questions,” she says, her voice low so that no one can hear her. “Plus, everyone’s paired up already.”
“Zoe,” I urge, emotion clawing up my throat. “Go home and take the rest of the day off.”
Her expression hardens. “Absolutely not. I have classes all day.”
Fuck.
She wouldn’t know self-care if it hit her in the face.
Looking around, I see that everyone is grouped together and talking amongst themselves. I can’t have this conversation with her here.
“Hallway. Now.”
I turn around and jog down the stairs, curling my fists as I walk to the classroom door. I’d promised my students I’d be there to answer questions, but right now, I need to make sure Zoe is okay.
