Page 113 of Prey Tell
Jackson picks at the hem of his shirt, and I wait for him to say something.Anything.Finally, he sighs and looks up at me.
“It’s going to take me a while to get used to it, but I suppose I can’t stand in the way of true love.”
My heart soars. “Really?”
He shrugs and gives me a small smile. “Yeah. Just… don’t canoodle in front of me for a few months. My brain can’t handle the two of you together yet, and I’m sure Chase is all fucking lovey-dovey with you.”
I laugh and lean forward, taking his hands. “I think I love him, Jax.”
Jackson gives me a resigned smile. “Yeah. He said that, too.” My pulse races as he pulls his hands away. “I, um, actually have something to tell you too.”
I sit up straighter. “Oh?”
He nods and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. And, well, I wasn’t totally honest with you about why I’m such a mess this week.” I look at him and hope my expression is neutral. He continues. “I, um, have been seeing someone. A man.” He wrinkles his nose and looks away. “The guy from—”
“I know,” I interrupt. I put a hand over my mouth. “Sorry. I just meant that I know who he is. Please go on.”
Jackson stands, shaking slightly.
Oh, Jax…
“Anyway, at first, it was just as friends. But last week, he kissed me when he dropped me off, and I…reallyliked it, Jules. And I don’t know—I’m not—well, I didn’t think I was…” He takes a deep breath and pinches his nose. “No, I’m lying. I’ve known most of my life. But I wasn’t ready to come out in high school. And in college, it was easier to play it off and to act straight. I knew I would probably come out eventually, but then Mom and Dad died—” His voice breaks, and my heart cracks as I stand up, walking over to where he’s pacing. I take his hands again, and he gives me a grateful smile as he continues.
“Anyway, I’ve been carrying this baggage around that has prevented me from being free. My job. My kids. What I thought wasexpectedof me. It meant that I never really felt free to be myself—especially in the confines of my job. You know how it is there.”
“Jackson,” I whisper, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel supported.”
His body shakes as he cries, clutching my jacket. “Maybe I could’ve saved myself from the pain and anguish had I come out sooner. I found a genuine connection with a couple of the women I’d dated in the past, but there was always something missing. Then I met Mark, and it was… similar to what you said about Chase. It was like fucking flying, Jules. Like my world was turned upside down. Like some animalistic, primal part of me was lit on fire. And that first kiss… and what happened next…” he trails off, and now he’s sobbing. “I wassoscared after. I’d just had the most amazing sex of my life, and I walked out. I apologized, and I told him that I wasn’t gay. That I couldn’t see him anymore. And I haven’t heard from him since.”
Tears stream down my face as I pull him closer. “Jax… I’m so sorry.”
Jackson pulls away and wipes his face with the back of his palm, sniffing. “I really like him. I’ve spent all week trying to come to terms with it all, and I…” he trails off, looking away. Finally, he looks at me with glassy, bloodshot eyes. “I’m gay. I like men.”
I grin. “I’m so proud of you, Jackson. Of realizing your truth. Of being courageous enough to admit it to yourself and to tell me. I’m honored to be the first to know.”
Jackson gives me a timid smile. “Oh, um, actually… I told Chase first.”
I huff a laugh and pull him into another hug. “That’s fine. Thank you for telling me.”
We stand there for several minutes, and by the time we pull apart, my heart is full again.
“You have to talk to Mark,” I say, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.
He nods. “I know. But what if he doesn’t want anything to do with me? He’s so goddamn happy and confident about it all. This is all new for me.”
For a second, I see my brother as the boy who taught me to ride a bike. The boy who tried so hard to fit in, even though people always loved being around him. The boy who always stood up for me, glaring at anyone who was mean to me. The young adult grappling with being my guardian after our parents died in the middle of finishing his college degree.
But right now, he’s vulnerable. And scared. Maybe it’s my turn to help him.
I shrug. “We’re all on different journeys. I’m sure he’ll understand if you tell him what you told me.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” He looks around and laughs. “God, I’m a fucking mess. I’ve never been this much of a mess over anyone.”
I smirk. “I understand that.”
Jackson looks at me and gives me a small smile. “Thanks, Jules. For everything.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your sister. I’ll love you no matter what.” I walk into the kitchen, grabbing another pint of ice cream from the freezer.“Now, why don’t we sit down on the couch and finish this pint of ice cream together?”
