Page 5 of Twice the Love

“Does your tummy hurt, baby?” I opened my eyes to see Uncle Maddox looking at me, concerned.

I nodded. We both knew this was a sign of my anxiety and often occurred before a full-blown panic attack. I’d had two panic attacks already this week.

“All right, baby, let’s try to stop it now, okay?” he asked. He cradled me in his arms. I held my bottle as he carried me into Daddy’s big room and set me on his bed. He opened the nightstand on Daddy’s side and pulled out my “breakthrough” medication. It was for special cases when I couldn’t escape the panic clawing at me or when I felt an attack coming on. I had needed to take it several times the last few weeks while I waited for the new medication to work.

Uncle Maddox made sure he had the right dosage, then held the small yellow pill to my lips. I opened my mouth and allowed him to place the medicine on my tongue. Waiting for it to melt was the worst part. I held still until he gave me a nod, then swallowed. I immediately tried to rinse the yucky medicine out of my mouth with a sip from my baba. A shiver ran through me as the bitter taste assaulted my tongue.

“Is it all gone, baby?” Uncle Maddox asked as he reached back into the drawer and pulled out a chocolate square. Daddy kept them in there just for me. He said if I had to take the yucky medicine, then I deserved a yummy treat. After I nodded, he unwrapped it for me, making my heart swoon. Uncle Maddox and Daddy were so sweet to me. My tummy ached again. I wasn’t sure I deserved their kindness. What if they knew about my feelings? I had tried to ignore them, but they just kept coming back. I wasn’t even sure they were real feelings. Maybe my body had just gotten a little confused?

I let Uncle Maddox put the chocolate in my mouth and then pick me up. “Can I finish rocking you?” he asked as he pushed my head against his shoulder and carried me back into my nursery. I smiled. It didn’t matter if I said no, he was going to rock me anyway. Sometimes I thought Uncle Maddox babied me more than Daddy did. He sat in the glider and situated me on his lap. He shook my baba, then held it back to my lips.

“Can you finish this for me, baby love?” he asked.

I opened my mouth and took in the oversized nipple. “Good girl. You’re such a good girl for me,” he cooed as he rested his forehead against mine. My tummy fluttered and then hurt again. Was I supposed to have butterflies from his words? I groaned. I was so tired of all these feelings and questions. To make it even worse, Daddy was coming to the end of his “letting me sort through my feelings” period, and I was pretty sure he was going to make me tell him what was wrong soon. That was super scary. What if I lost DaddyandUncle Maddox? I pinched my thigh to stop the thought. It was too scary.

I quickly finished what was left in the bottle. Uncle Maddox set it to the side and flipped me so he and I were sitting chest to chest. I fidgeted in his lap. He almost never held me this way, and I was worried it was because he wanted to talk about why I was anxious.Again.

“Reagan, you know you can tell me and Daddy anything, right?” he asked softly as he stroked my cheek with his free hand. The other rested firmly on my back.

I nodded my head but refused to meet his eyes. I focused instead on the tattoo covering his chest and his shiny, metal nipple rings. We’d had this conversation before, but I couldn’t really make them understand. What if my feelings were really bad? What if Daddy didn’t understand? What if Uncle Maddox got angry with me? Maybe it was better to keep these big feelings to myself, even if they made me sick. But I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. My thoughts had been jumbled for so long.

“Look at me, baby. I need you to really understand that if there’s something you need to tell us, you know you can. Even if it’s bad, okay? Nothing you say will ever make us not love you. You’re always safe with us. We love you unconditionally. Do you understand?” he asked as forced my head up and his deep green eyes pierced mine.

I wiggled on his lap. I wanted to stop this conversation before it got any heavier. What if Uncle Maddox looked at me and suddenly just knew?

“No, Reag—” Uncle Maddox said.

“Red!” I fought my way off his lap in a panic. I brought my arms up and pushed against his chest. “Red!” I cried again as my feet finally hit the carpet and I took several big steps back from him. “Red.” I shook nervously where I stood and began to calm myself by moving my arms up and down. It was a stim I found to be the most helpful, but also the most embarrassing. I looked like some kind of bird person.

“Okay, okay. Red. I understand,” he soothed as he wrapped his arms around me and effectively stopped my anxious flapping. “Easy. We’re done talking about it, okay?”

Most people might not want to be touched after calling red, but Uncle Maddox had been my manny long enough to know that red meant I was overwhelmed and needed to stop whatever we were doing. He knew the firm pressure of his body against mine would help me. “It’s okay.”

After a few minutes I began to calm. “Okay,” I agreed as I melted against him. I was so exhausted. Mentally and physically.

He kissed the top of my forehead as he situated me on his lap again. He draped one of my legs over each side of his thighs. My chest rested against his again. He rocked me quietly for a few minutes as I continued to calm down. My skin felt itchy, and my head hurt. It wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t tell him or Daddy what was wrong. I didn’t want him to blame himself, but sharing my feelings would risk everyone’s happiness and I couldn’t risk something so precious. Daddy and I were the only real family Uncle Maddox had. I couldn’t take that from him. I closed my eyes and took a breath. I needed to change the atmosphere in the room.

“Dallas?” I asked as I finally tipped my chin up to look at him. I hated his pinched expression. I brought my hands up and rubbed his face. He forced a smile. The corner of his mouth didn’t tip up like it did when it was a real smile.

“Yeah, we can call Dallas now,” he said as he fished his phone out of his pocket. My peep-pie fell out, and I made a quick grab for it. I managed to get it in my hand before shoving off him and landing on the floor in a heap.

“Baby, are you—” Maddox leaned forward in the chair, but it was too late. I was back on my feet and running from the room. I put the pacifier between my lips and relished the way the large nipple filled my entire mouth.

“Reagan Grace!” Maddox shouted as he followed me from the nursery.

A nervous giggle erupted from my chest. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I’d never been blatantly naughty before. I ran into Daddy’s room with the intent to hide in the closet. I sucked my pacifier roughly as I ran through the big bedroom. I wanted to make sure I got as many sucks in as possible before Uncle Maddox took it back.

I entered the closet, pushed Daddy’s clothes away, and wedged myself behind the laundry hamper. I worked to quiet my breathing and make myself as small as possible. I listened carefully and trembled as I heard footsteps approaching.

“Reagan Grace, I don’t know what has gotten into you, Little girl, but I am going to spank it out of you when I find you,” Uncle Maddox warned. Uncle Maddox was very gentle with my Little, but he was very firm with my disobedience. In the three years he had worked for Daddy, he’d only had to spank me twice. I remembered both times vividly.

My bottom clenched in anticipation, as did my pussy. Oh no! Neither of those situations were good. Uncle Maddox spanked so very hard, and he spanked me naked because he felt that helped put me in the right headspace. He would know if my pussy were wet. He would be able to see it. Why had I thought this was a good idea?

My thoughts were interrupted as the clothes were pulled back and the hamper was moved from in front of me. I looked up and met Uncle Maddox’s stormy gaze.

He didn’t say anything, just held out his hand. I took my pacifier out of my mouth and dropped it into his open palm. He put it back in his pocket and held out his hand again. I placed my fingers in his. He waited for me to stand.

“’Spanking?” I asked as my tummy and pussy danced with butterflies.

---