Page 23 of Blood and Beauty (Owned by The Don)

My mother, the woman who did anything to numb her pain and reality, finally gives me a reason for everything. And though nothing can excuse her parenting and neglect, at least I know now it wasn’t because she was incapable of loving me. It was because she hated living with such a traumatic experience every day of her life.

“I found out I was pregnant with you almost two months later. I was sick every day and so tired. I thought it was just because of the stress of what happened, but I missed my period and went to a clinic. It was then that I found out about you.”

She starts crying and hugs me fiercely, her weak body is cold and clinging to me like I am her lifeline. Which is when I realize that I really am. I am the only reason she’s here.

“I want you to know that I can never undo what I’ve done to you all these years, Emmie. I have no excuse for it, and I do not blame you for what that monster did to me. You were the only miracle to come out of that terrible situation. But I haven’t been able to live with myself since then. It has never left my mind, not a single second of each day.”

She cries softly now, and I stroke her hair until her cries lessen. I decide to change the topic for a second in hopes that it would calm her tears.

“You’re Irish. Why would you name me Esmeralda?” She chuckles and I am grateful for the sound of it.

“Hercules was playing on the hospital TV while I fed you for the first time. It just felt right.”

I laugh at her response and let the comfortable silence stretch. She cries off and on and I hold her the entire time. This is a first for us. A first for bearing emotions, a first for hugging each other closely. A first genuine experience between a mother and her daughter.

She trembles fiercely and I wait until her tears subside when I ask my next question.

“What happened after he abused you, mom?”

She wipes her tears aggressively and sniffs the rest back, sitting up as she searches for a response.

“The men left and as I gathered my clothes, I heard gunshots and screaming. My friend came to the room minutes after and we ran out of the club together, and all the men were gone. There was glass everywhere, and a couple of bodies lay dead on the floor. We were just at the doorway when I saw a man with blood pouring from his head. A few other men were gathered around him, but I noticed a young man holding him and roaring out with anger.”

She's shaking profusely now and for some reason I decide to ask who that man was. She is silent for a while before looking at me, her eyes wide with fear, and it makes my stomach drop.

“He looked so much younger then, like he was just becoming a man…”

“Who, Mom? Who looked younger then?” Her answer is a bomb, dropped and detonating all around us in this bedroom.

“Dante. The man holding the body was Dante holding his dead father. They owned the club that was ambushed by another cartel that night.”

Chills spread throughout my body and I stare at her in both silence and immense confusion.

“What does this mean, Mom?” Her lip trembles and she starts crying again, her pain a weight now born by us both.

“He’s been with us this whole time, Emmie. Dante has been watching us since you were conceived that night.”

10

Esmeralda

I letmy mother cry until she passed out, pushing my emotions back until I left the room.

I am in my bedroom now, sitting on the floor of my shower with my knees folded to my chest. I don’t cry or move, I just let the warm water fall all around me in silence, my thoughts and emotions stirring a hurricane inside of me. I sit like this for an hour until my butt is sore and the water gets chilly.

Once I am dressed in a silk sleep shirt and short combo, I brush my hair harshly, ripping some out as I rake it through my wet strands. My pajama top clings to my wet torso and my nipples poke through. I originally planned on laying in my bed, but my mind and heart are at war and there’s absolutely no way that I’m getting any sleep tonight.

I tie a terry cloth bathrobe around my waist and leave my bedroom to go to the kitchen. Once I’m in there, I sip on a glass of water and stare out the big windows above the sink. The moonlight stretches across the yard, and I stare at the few stars that litter the night sky.

The house is quiet and I realize that there are no signs of life inside of here. I walk around with my glass of water and peer into each room to look for Sergio or a guard. I’m in the hallway when I hear voices in the billiard room across from the dining hall. To make sure I am not noticed, I stand against the wall and peek around to look inside of the room.

Several guards and Sergio are gathered inside. Some men are casually playing pool while Sergio and the others are sitting at a huge round table playing poker. There are TV screens mounted on the walls that are displaying a clear view of both mine and my mother’s bedroom doors. They obviously have no clue that I’ve left my room, as they all continue to play their games casually and with focus.

With the knowledge that Dante is gone and Sergio is in charge and playing poker, I decide to use this to my advantage. My mom left many questions unanswered earlier, and I need to know more about Dante’s role in my life. I take matters into my own hands and begin to sneak quietly away from the billiard room and towards the library.

The lights are off, and Dante’s hallway is filled with darkness. I walk down his hall and stop outside his door, looking around for both guards and cameras. Once the coast is clear, I open his bedroom door quietly and rush inside, closing it slowly behind me until I hear the latch click.

His room is dark except for a few lanterns on the walls, illuminating a bedroom that has no right to be called a bedroom. It is practically an entire wing. He has a four-poster bed that looks bigger than king sized. The linens are black and it fits his personality. He has bookcases lining the walls and dark drapes covering the windows. A grand, stone fireplace is by a set of doors that open up into what looks to be a very large bathroom. On the right side of the room is a large, wooden desk stacked with books and files. I walk towards it, but when I pass a dresser with pictures on top, they stop me in my tracks.

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